If you could relive one day of your life, what would it be? If you’re anything like the people who answered that question on Quora, you’ll say something like “the day my first child was born,” or “my eighth-grade ditch day” or “any day from the last beach vacation I had with all four of my children.”
You DEFINITELY won’t say, “The day I finished everything on my to-do list.” Yet, for many of us, that schedule rules our days and disrupts our nights.
Charissa Reynolds, MSW LCSW at Health First Medical Group in Melbourne, says you’re always going to have a to-do list that’s never going to get done. That is just the nature of life and beyond our control – there is always more to do, day by day.
“But it is in our control to change much more than we realize,” she says. “Learn to choose what to say yes to. Learn to set boundaries. Make little changes that bring about big changes.”
Everything doesn’t have to be an A-plus – it’s OK to bring your B game, sometimes, Reynolds says. “You can bring cookies to the meeting like you promised – but opt for store-bought, not home-made like you originally planned.
“Allow yourself one night a week to just hang out alone – or with people who make you happy,” instead of tasking.
Psychology Today notes an increasing trend to say “yes” to opportunities, projects, events and invitations with the best of intentions, only to later find ourselves overwhelmed, depleted, and quietly wondering why we agreed in the first place.
Author and therapist Dr. Jason Lindner, believes this behavior reflects an anxious, subconscious response to the ever-growing weight of unfinished tasks, the fear of missing out (FOMO), and, at its core, our discomfort with life’s fundamental uncertainty and lack of permanence.
“Things aren’t always as urgent as people lead you to believe,” shares Reynolds. Are they creating “time anxiety” by pulling you into something they consider urgent, creating a false deadline?
“When this happens, take a beat and ask yourself – is this really urgent? Can it wait? Is it urgent to someone else, but not to me?
“It’s OK to ask people who are setting deadlines for you, ‘Is this really needed ASAP, or can it wait a little longer?’
“We feel a constant pressure to optimize our schedule,” adds Reynolds. But always remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to negotiate more realistic timelines with other people.
“We feel like our reward is in being busy. Slowing down makes us feel guilty. But we need to learn to give ourselves some grace.”
Veywell Mind, a website that provides reliable information on mental health topics, outlines four causes of tech-related stress which also rob us of time we might be using to tackle legitimate chores.
- Being away from our smart phones.
- Texting and messaging anxiety.
- Feeling pressured to play a video game.
- Constant self-critiquing against others’ experiences as seen on social media.
The average person spends more than two hours daily just on social media, time that could be going toward completing items on that to-do list that cause you so much anxiety.
Learning to effectively manage your schedule involves several strategies, including prioritizing tasks, creating a realistic and consistent schedule, and eliminating distractions. But Reynolds says you can do it. She did.
“It took me about 20 years to learn how to schedule my time effectively. Close to the end of my college years, I learned I had to protect my peace.
“I decided that it’s OK for me to take off that cape – that I don’t have to be Superwoman. Figuring out how to prioritize my to-do list was key – what on that list that was actually even going to make a difference tomorrow?
“My to-do list is never going to get done. But my Sunday morning priority is gathering with my family – no matter what everyone’s plans for the rest of the day are – and practicing guided meditation. That’s something that I know is going to prove to be beneficial to all of us.”
Charissa Reynolds is a Health First Medical Group (HFMG) behavioral care manager. She earned a Master of Social Work degree from the University of Central Florida and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is accepting new patients at HFMG-Gateway, 1223 Gateway Dr., Melbourne, and HFMG-Seaside, 1220 A1A, Indialantic. Call 321-434-3100 for an appointment.
