Solitude and loneliness are similar in some obvious ways but very different in others. Both tend to include being alone, but psychologists define solitude as a healthy, personal discipline that allows you to engage in meaningful self-reflection, while loneliness is a state of “sadness because one has no friends or company.”
Shawndre M. Leydon, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor who practices in Vero Beach, says that some of her clients see solitude as negative because they don’t understand how it can be a tool for growth and wellbeing. They may be fearful of being alone for a range of reasons, including not knowing the difference between solitude and loneliness.
“I teach clients that it’s OK to enjoy solitude,” Leydon says. “We don’t give ourselves the opportunity to do that very much. Focus on something you enjoy doing alone, even if there’s only 15 to 20 minutes in which to do it. It’s such a healthy thing to incorporate into our lives.”
Many people shy away from being alone because of perceived social stigma. Solitude can look like loneliness on the surface, and no one wants to be seen as lonely. But solitude and loneliness are not the same. Loneliness is marked by negative feelings that can sabotage your self-worth and happiness, while purposeful solitude replenishes you.
In the simplest form, solitude is spending time alone without feeling lonely. It’s something you choose because you value your time and energy. But how do you know if you need alone time? Common signs include:
- You’re getting irritated by small things you usually would brush off
- You’re tired or fatigued even when you get enough sleep.
- You are feeling overwhelmed and having trouble concentrating.
- You’re regretting plans you made that you normally would look forward to.
Solitude makes you feel better because it gives you the space to just exist with a temporary respite from the burden of expectations that come with work, family or friends.
Healthline, a respected health information company, states that because of our ever-noisy world full of background music and on-demand shows and podcasts, many of us don’t experience a great deal of quiet, which can be bad for our health.
Experts say that time spent in silence can bring numerous health benefits. They include:
- lowering blood pressure
- improving concentration and focus
- calming racing thoughts
- stimulating brain growth
- reducing cortisol
- stimulating creativity
- improving insomnia
- encouraging mindfulness
At the same time, the enforced aloneness of the pandemic was harmful for many, according to a recent article in the New York Times.
For two years we didn’t see friends, family and colleagues like we used to. Basically, everyone was lonely, and the human brain, having evolved to seek safety in numbers, can register loneliness as a threat. The centers that monitor for danger go into overdrive, triggering a release of “fight or flight” stress hormones. Your heart rate rises and your blood pressure and blood sugar level increase to provide energy in case you need it.
Your body produces extra inflammatory cells to repair tissue damage and prevent infection, and fewer antibodies to fight viruses. Subconsciously, you start to view other people more as potential threats – sources of rejection or apathy – and less as friends, remedies for your loneliness.
Leydon agrees with the Times analysis and says she feels “imposed” solitude continued after the pandemic because many people did not do well handling the isolation.
“Everything we do changed,” she says. “For instance, when people started a new job pre-pandemic, they’d often take part in team building or personality testing.”
Compare that with work-from-home experiences where people don’t have the opportunity to interact in person on a regular basis and build relationships with colleagues.
Virginia Thomas, an assistant professor of psychology at Middlebury College who studies solitude, says the way we feel about spending time alone is largely dependent on context.
People who pursue solitude of their own volition “tend to report that it feels full – like they’re full of ideas or thoughts or things to do,” she says. In this way, it’s distinct from loneliness, a negative state in which you’re “disconnected from other people and it feels empty.”
She goes on to say that the key is to see solitude as a choice, not a punishment. Studies show that we benefit more from solitude as we age and develop more control over our time, along with better cognitive and emotional skills to help us use solitude more constructively, according to Dr. Thomas.
Medical News Today offers tips on how to learn to enjoy solitude and how to feel better about being alone.
- Take up a new hobby or restart an activity you used to enjoy.
- Prioritize self-care – this can include taking care of mental and physical health and doing enjoyable, relaxing activities, such as reading or listening to music. Try journaling or plan a special day out.
- Take a break from social media.
- Stay physically active – regular exercise helps support physical health and may also help improve mental health.
- Get outdoors.
- Practice gratitude.
- Talk with a healthcare professional if you need help and nurture existing relationships and friendships even as you explore solitude.
Leydon cautions that technology brings its own set of challenges. While it has made it easier for people to connect with others, it has also led to a decrease in face-to-face interaction.
People spend more time on their devices and less time with others in person, which can lead to feelings of loneliness, dislocation and isolation. “It’s important we don’t let our phones replace our pleasure in being by ourselves [on the one hand, and being with other people on the other],” she says.
Shawndre M. Leydon has an MS in Clinical Psychology from Bridgewater State University and is a board-certified Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC). Her practice, A Better Tomorrow Counseling, LLC, is located at 787 37th St., Suite 120, Vero Beach. The phone number is 508-828-0981.
