This week I was honored to be the very first Canine to have an ackshull conver-SAY-shun with (or even get close to) my innerview-ee, a fellow pet who brings FLUFFY an CUDDLY to a whole new level of adorable-ness.
Bunny Naffziger is a Rhinelander RAH-butt, with white sox an Calico colored fur. Once his Daddy assured him I wasn’t goin’ to 1, Chase him, or 2, Devour him, or 3, Make Disparaging remarks, we had a fascinating an occasionally huh-LARRY-us conver-SAY-shun.
Heretofore, I just had a Passing acquaintance with rabbits, from occasions when I was in my yard an glanced up in time to watch ’em Passing By at 90 MPH, fleeing from a scary, dangerous predator, which I later ree-lized was ME.
A nice man opened the door holding a bundle of golden fluff against his chest. I couldn’t see a face cuz the fluffball had it tucked under the man’s arm.
The man invited us in an I PRU-dently sat sorta scrunched over, NOT exposing my teeth.
The man rearranged the fluffball to reveal am Adorable face, long velvety-lookin’ ears, wiggly nose an bright brown eyes. He then reassured the bunny that although I was a D.O.G., I was an x-CEP-shun to the Major Rabbit Rule: “When you see a DOG, RUN!!”
He gently placed the fluffball on a liddle rug (“The Carrot Carpet”), conveniently located in front of the fridge. He retrieved a few carrot sticks an held one above the bunny’s head.
WELL, to my great suh-prise, that bunny stood straight up on his back feet an nabbed it, then plopped back down an began delicately nibbling, making soft munching sounds an wigglin’ his liddle bunny nose, which was Waay Beyond Adorable.
As he stood for his carrot, I noticed his tail – a round white fluffball, and a hansome finishing touch, I thought.
When the Carrot had been dispatched, the liddle rabbit looked up at me, an in a soft voice, said, “Hello! I am being Bunny Naffziger, an this being my Daddy, Michael. Being elsewhere are My Mommy Lindsay, my brother Jagger, an my sister Alyzsa-in-college. I also having Aunt Julia, Uncle Martin an Aunt Sarah.
“Daddy saying I should not feel any Scares cuz you’re a Very Good an Puhlite Dog, an also saying I can be sharing for you my STORY.”
“I would be honored, Bunny,” I replied, un-scrunching, an opening my notebook. Bunny’s Daddy lifted him onto his lap, taking care to support his caboose (which he later informed me was very important so he’d feel secure). All settled in, the sporty liddle Fluffball began.
“When I being young rah-butt, I’m inna nice famly with liddle kids. I living mostly inna nice, big cage. Then, when I being one-anna-haff-or-two, they moving an cannot any more keeping me. So, Daddy says, him an Mommy an Alyzsa an Jagger in-HARE-ited me an all my STUFF. Daddy an Mommy thinking I’d keep living in my big cage, but they starting takin’ me out lots for cuddling, playing, an Carrots. Finally I just not any more goin’ in cage.
“Then I living on padio till very too cold. Now I’m living all in house, an Daddy calling me a Free-Roaming Rah-butt. In case you wonder, I am Very Good an No Troubles. (Except maybe when I being younger bunny, eating a hole in the drywall.) Now I clean an tidy an only doing my Duty on my P Pad, an if Daddy or Mommy forget putting it down, I sit with patience while giving ’em my Serious Bunny Stare.
“The first time Daddy taking me for my Annual Check-Up, the rah-butt doctor was putting words onna paper an asking Daddy stuff like how old was I? He didn’t know. What was my name? He didn’t know (but said it was Bunny). Had I had the No Bunnies Pro-SEED-jure?
He didn’t know. Daddy thought he was the Worst Bunny Daddy EVER, but he’s ackshully the BEST Bunny Daddy ever, in my opinion.”
“Other than carrots, what sort of foodstuffs do you eat?” I inquired.
“I getting hayl grane an pelluts, seeds, veggies, dried carrots. A natch-rull diet. An, for Very Speshull Occasion, I getting Most Wonderful Treat Ever: APPLESAUCE. It’s the only time I making Joyful Squeaks. I also wash my face after applesauce cuz I getting it all over.”
“You are certainly a very tidy bunny, Bunny!” I commented.
“I having O-fish-ull Spots where I hanging out,” Bunny continued, “behind this very nice chair; an, when Daddy watches TV (which now having tall humans runnin’ back an forth which is calling March Madness an Daddy hollarin’ funny words like Go Bug-eyes. I don’t know why). Anyway, I sitting in front of TV an stare at Daddy or snuggling next to him. Then for coziness an restin’ I creating Bunny Hutch in Alyzsa’s room, under her bed, where I chewing a nice hole in the mattress, where I being all safe and secure.
“I also having Speshull Sitting Styles my famIy naming: The Princess, with front paws forward; the Ears Back, on alert; an being my favrite, the Paws out to the sides, or Sploot. Very relaxing. I also doing speshull exercise us rabbits like call Binky-ing. That is when, for no apparent reason, we suddenly leaping high into the air, an twisting around. I Binky-ing almost as high as Daddy. I also doing opposite when Daddy lets me sit in the sun in the grass an doze. He watching me then so I don’t get grabbed by bird.”
“Do you travel?” I wondered.
“Sometimes in the car with Daddy, but It’s not being my thing. When Daddy an Mommy going away, Daddy’s stoodents taking care of me which I like Very Much. Daddy’s is R-tistic Director at Charter High School an also Uh-sistent Prince or something. So I hanging out with stoo-dents a LOT when they come over. I being very fortunate Rah-butt.”
Heading home, I was thinking about all the new things I’d learned about a fellow pet, an thinking how sometimes pooches an rah-butts can be frens. An feelin’ very happy about that.
