My innerview-ees this week are of the Fee-line Purr-sway-zhun – Penelope an Effie Faust – still in their Kittenhood, but growin’ fast. Most of the Cats I’ve met have had that mysterious way about them. (I’m pretty sure cats KNOW stuff nobody else does.) But these two ackshully felt more Puppy-ish to me. (I KNOW! Right?)
A nice lady welcomed me an my assistant at the apartmutt door, ushered us in, an led us to a comfy sofa, whereupon a pretty, dark gray-an-white kitty appeared from under a chair, followed by another (lighter gray-with-pinkish gold swooshes) from the kitchen.
In loo of the (obviously inappropriate) Wag-an-Sniff, I simple sat, an the two kitty-girls performed the Cat Version – the Squint an Size-Up.
“Good morning, Young Ladies,” I said in my softest voice. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”
After they both had made two nudgy circles around their Mom’s ankles, they sat side-by-side by her feet.
“Good morning, Mr. Bonzo!” said the gray-an-white kitty-girl. “We did extra grooming this morning so we’d look BUE-dee-full for our pick-shur! I’m Effie, an this is my twin sister Penelope (she’s a liddle shy at first), an this is our Mom, So-FEE-uh.”
“Um, good morning, um, Mr. Bozo. You’re our first … our first, um, DOG. You don’t seem TOO scary. Just BIG. I, um, I like your droopy, wavy ears.”
“Well, thank you, Miss Penelope,” I said, opening my notebook. “I can’t wait to hear your tail.”
Effie leaned toward Penelope an whispered, “It’s BON-zo, not Bozo!” then turned to me.
“I’ll start!” she said. An she did.
“Our Mama was preg-nut an had our litter in the bushes or someplace like that, an something happened, I don’t know what, but when we were still tiny kittens, we were all alone. We were lost, wanderin’ around, under bushes and houses. No Mommy. No fluffy bed.
It was SCARY!”
“REAL scary,” Penelope innerjected.
“So, then,” Effie continued, “we got separated. An THEN, it started stormin’. I was soaking wet, an meowin’ for my Momma. I managed to drag myself onto a random porch. I could feel at least one of my allotted lives circlin’ the drain. But then, a lady found me an scooped me up an took me home. But she couldn’t keep me. She was a fren of Mom, so she Posted to her.
(That’s a thing humans do instead of talkin’ to each other).
“Mom hadda Gut Feeling an decided to take me JUST till she could find me a Furever Home.
WELL, the second she picked me up, I snuggled in her lap, an she KNEW she’d keep me, Thank Garfield!”
“Fur sure!” I exclaimed.
“But,” Effie continued, “I was very sad about my sister.”
“I’m gonna tell this part,” declared Penelope, instantly transforming from timid to full throttle. “It’s Super Cool Catnip! See, I had scooched under the porch in the storm an didn’t know what happened to Effie so I stayed hidden, hopin’ she’d come back. WELL (I didn’t know it at the time), the very same fren who rescued Effie found ME, an Posted ME an – guess what? – MOM saw me an decided me an Effie should be together.”
“That is Seriously Cool Catnip,” I exclaimed, employing a bit of Cat Vernacular. “So what’s Daily Life like? Whaddya do for fun? Foodstuffs? Toys?”
“Life’s Pawsome,” said Effie. “Mom already hadda cat, Miss Peppah!, who’s lots older than us. When I arrived, she was Not Thrilled. Then, when Penelope showed up she was like – ‘SERIOUSLY?’ But now she’s our Big Sister an lets us cuddle an grooms us and teaches us Important Cat Things. But, I’M the Alpha! The Master Planner! Small but Mighty!”
Penelope rolled her big golden eyes.
“When we were wee kittens,” continued Effie. “I’d climb up Mom’s pantlegs ‘like a spider monkey,’ Mom says, an Penelope’d jump around like a Ninny, at basically nothing! She’s sittin’ there one minute, then, whoosh, she does a back flip an runs off. Mom calls her an ADHD GirlyPop.”
“Humpf! I think it’s kinda catchy!” Penelope retorted, changing the subject. “Every morning, when Mom wakes up, we pile on her to help her get going. Then we helpfully walk in an out of her steps all the way to the kitchen. Mom opens the blinds so we can watch the ducks, squirrels an lizards around the pond an padio. While Mom’s floofin’ an poofin, gettin’ ready for work, we take a post-breakfast nap. When she’s At Work, we alternate Nappin; an Zoomies.
“Me an Effie also do this Thing: twice a day it’s Designated Annoy Big Sister Peppah Time, during which we take turns chasin’ her, to help her get out of her Only Cat Shell. We also snuggle with her a lot. It works, too! She’s a Great Big Sister!”
“She Totally IS!” added Effie.
Penelope had dragged something out from under a chair. It appeared to be a much-loved stuffy of unrecognizable spee-cees.
“I love my liddle lamm stuffy,” she explained. “I can ackshully THROW it to myself AN catch it with my claws!” She did so! “I even sleep with it! Mom says that’s a dog thing, but I say POO.”
“Any fave foorstuffs?”
“Just plain ol’ borin’ kibbles.” Effie replied. “But For Snacks, I love those squeezy ones an also those crunchy ones with the soft, duhlishus center. Penelope’s a Greenies Grrrl.”
“Speakin’ of …” innerjected Penelope. “Since we moved from Vero to here, Mom works at a place called Sea World, where there are lotsa fishes an also PEN-gwuns. Anna whole lotta people, speshully liddle kids, but mostly FISH! Peppah told us, when she was young, she thought we’d be havin’ fresh seafood, like, every DAY. But NO. Mom says, at Sea World, Fish are Frens, not Food!”
Headin’ home I was (dare I say) grinnin’ like a Cheshire Cat rememberin’ the Totally Fun, Cool Catnip time I had with adorable, hilarious twin sisters Effie and Penelope.
