This week me an my assistant were in Sea Oaks, an uber pooch-frenly place with lotsa trees an places to leash walk, anna robust pooch population, including many of my Already Pooch Pals. I was there to meet Miss Julie Teplitz, a Snowbirddog from Pencil-VAIN-yuh (wa-ay north an wa-ay cold). Miss Julie is a purebred Border Collie with PAY-pers, but she’s Totally NOT a snobnose.
Her fur is silky an she has polka dots on her legs an nose. An she can make her ears go straight up, or out to the sides, or one-up/one-down. SO Cool Kibbles! (I tried it at home but mine are too floppy.)
Anyway, we met up on the deck-padio at the Fitness Center, where the humans go to exercise and play TEN-us. Miss Julie was onna leash (that’s the Rools), sittin’ with her human.
“Good morning! Miss Julie, I presume!”
She smiled at me, then pranced gracefully over for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“It is SUCH a pleasure, Mr. Bonzo. DO make yourself COMF-tubble! This is my Mom, Isabel. My Dad Lorin is Elsewhere.” Her voice was soft and nice, an she wore a stylish pink-an-green collar an harness.
“Yes. Err. Pleasure’s mine. Um, well …” I muttered brilliantly, fiddling with my notebook. “Get a grip Bonz,” I reminded myself sternly. “You’re a pruh-FESHUN-ull, for Lassie’s sake. AN a happy BACHELOR.”
I took a breath.
“I’m eager to hear your story,” I told her, pencil poised.
“OK, here goes,” she smiled. “I was born on a farm in Pencil-VAIN-yuh, near a big school called Penn State, which the humans up there get Real Excited About. My pooch Mom worked on the farm an hadda lotta ruh-spons-uh-BILLUH-dees. She hadda get back to work pronto, so the farm humans were lookin’ for Loving Furever Famlies for all five of us.
“Meanwhile, my Future Furever Mom an Dad had lost their pree-vee-us dog, Millie, also a Border Collie, an wanted another cuz we are, obviously, a Pawsome Breed.”
“Indeed you are,” I murmured.
“Anyhow, Mom an Dad found out about us an drove over to meet me. Right away I KNEW I’d found my Furever Famly. However, buh-fore I could go home with ’em, I had to wait 16 whole days till I was 8 weeks old an didn’t need Mommy Milk anymore cuz thats the ROOL. I was SO EXCITED when my Very Own Furever Mom an Dad finally brought me to my new home in a big woodsy Crispy Biscuits place called The PO-kuh-nose: mountains, with trees, rocks, lakes an NUMER-us fellow creatures. Soon as I got old enuf, I got put in charge of keeping the deers, squirrels an chipmunks off our property, which is a full-time job, I can tell you. They’re always tryin’ to sneakily sneak in.”
“That must keep you busy!”
“Indeed! Of course, being a Border Collie an all, it comes natural. Although, once, I came upon this HUGE, AHH-min-nus animal I found out was a BLACK BEAR! Scared the Dog Biscuits out of me.”
“Woof! I’ll bet! Well, since you’re a snowbirddog, I imagine you get the winter off, right? You can come down here an re-LAX, right?”
“Not really,” Miss Julie replied. “I am, after all, a Purebred Border Collie: Therefore, just like my Pooch Mom, a lot is expected of me. It’s my DESS-tunny. Down here, I’m On Patrol for RA-butts an those STOO-pid squirrels, just like in Pencil-VAIN-yuh. Sometimes I think they all pile inna bus and come down here just to make me NUTS. The geckos aren’t that bad (I think they keep busy selling insurance), an the occasional frog, crab or snake I mostly ignore. But those squirrels!
“For instance: Mom an her fren Mrs. B put beauty-full flowers called OR-kids in the trees around my house. OR-kids are kinda like the Queen of Flowers. Mom an Mrs. B are always takin’ Super Good care of ’em. But just when those liddle OR-kid babies start peepin’ outta their cozy liddle round houses (they’re called BLUBS, I think), and pop their liddle shoots out, those squirrels EAT ’em. Can you buh-LEEVE it? I look out the window an bark my ears off at ’em, tellin’ ’em to GO AWAY!! But they don’t care. An Mom makes me shush cuz I do get Very Noisy.”
“So, Any Pooch Pals? Whaddaya do for exercise?”
“My BFFs are Betty White, she’s a doodle of some kind, a Labradoodle, I think; Maisie, a fancy doodle; an Lucie, she’s a miniature dachshund.
“An I get plenty of exercise: Every morning, me an Dad come here. Dad has his coffee, then we have a leash walk, all around the neighborhood. I meet lotsa pooch frens out walkin’. Dad says we do at least 10,000 steps every time! Which is a LOT! Ackshully, I think I do 20,000 steps cuzza havin’ twice as many feet as Dad.”
“That totally makes sense,” I agreed. “So are you gonna be in the big Parade of Champions Dog Show comin’ up?”
“Oh, absolutely,” she said. “Most all us Sea Oaks pooches are. I’m So Excited. Mom’s gonna be in it with me. We’re gonna walk around inna circle on the tennis court. She says we’ve gotta practice walkin’ together Like Good Grrrls and not be un-COOTH. I’m not certain what that is, but we’re Totally Not Gonna Be It! I am a liddle nervous, to tell you the truth, Mr. Bonzo. But it’s for a Good Cause, helpin’ that H.A.L.O. shelter take care of Pets Less Fortunate. Plus, it’ll be fun, wearin’ matchin’ outfits, like Mother and Daw-der. Mom told Mrs. B that, since she doesn’t play that tennis game, she’s only gets to be on center court cuzza me! So I say ‘You’re welcome, Mom.’”
Headin’ home I was thinkin’ about sweet, funny, pretty Miss Julie gettin’ all fancied up with her pooch pals an their humans for a fun-filled parade. An how she can switch over to All Business as she faithfully patrols her home to protect it from harm. And squirrels.
Till next time,
