This week I again ventured into the still-mysterious-to-me realm of the Feline to innerview Ms. Vinaigrette Wise, a liddle short-haired rescue, dark with cream stripes, circles an dots; white paws; anna pokka-dot budderfly on her nose. Her face is a triangle with big triangle ears. Very egg-ZAH-dik, like whoever put her together couldn’t decide.
Anyway, when me an my assistant rang the bell, we could see Ms. Vinaigrette peeping out at us from the windowsill.
A lady opened the door an, by the time I’d introduced us, Ms. Vinaigrette was sitting on the arm of the couch sizin’ us up.
“Welcome to my home, Mr. Bonzo,” she said in a soft, husky voice. “You are the first canine I’ve met formally. I checked your cruh-DENT-shulls, of course. I try not to form any opinions before meeting a fellow creature but a girl’s gotta be CAW-shus.”
“Indeed,” I agreed. “Always a wise idea.”
“This is my Mom, Sandee. It’s just us grrls. Unless you count the squirrels, an rabbutts.
But they’re outside. I’m a totally inside grrl. Anyway, please make yourselves comf-tubble. Can I offer you some water? A Hairball Greenie?”
I politely declined, and opened my notebook. “I understand you have an interesting tail, Ms. Vinaigrette, an I’m eager to hear it.”
She gazed at me with round green eyes, curled up, an began. “As you probly heard, I was a very young stray on the streets of Sebastian when I was rescued by a lovely famly.
However, no one knew, including me, that I was PREG-nut, not until my kittens ack-shully began arriving! I was not much more than a kitten myself, I don’t even remember my own cat mama. When my humans realized they wouldn’t be able to take care of me an my kittens they gently gathered us all up an brought us to a place called H.A.L.O., a shelter for all sorts of Animals In Need.
“The H.A.L.O. humans took extra good care of me an my babies. They even gave us all names. We were all named for salad in-greedy-unts: I’m Vinaigrette, and the kittens were Kale, Parsley, Celery, Romaine, Pepper an Broccoli.”
“Oh, Meow, Ms. Vinaigrette, that’s Totally Cool Catnip!” I exclaimed, employing two of the feline terms with which I am fuh-miliar. “So, how’d you an your Furever Mom meet?”
“Well, soon as me an my kittens were ready to be adopted, we all went to the H.A.L.O. adoption center in the Vero Mall. The kittens were out front, in the windows becuz of their High Cuteness Factor. The older cats were restin’ in the back. My babies were adopted pretty fast. It was about a year ago an all the humans were wearin’ masks cuzza that duh-zeez, an people who wanted to adopt a pet hadda knock first.
“As it happened, Mom had just lost her cat, who she’d had for 8 years. It was a terrible experience and she was Totally Not Ready For Another Pet Period! One day she was at the mall doing an errand an she couldn’t remember where she’d parked. It was pouring rain an she was wanderin’ all over tryin’ to remember, when she happened by the H.A.L.O. window. Even though she didn’t wanna adopt a pet, she knocked an a nice H.A.L.O. lady opened the door and brought over a kitten. Mom was like, ‘Humm. Cute. No.’
“Then the lady brought ME out from the back. I was like, ‘Oh, THERE you are, Mom. I’ve been waiting for you.’ An Mom was like, ‘What just happened?’ She filled out, like, a zillion papers, then went out an bought food, toys, litter, litter box, litter box powder, litter Genie, treats, blanket, more toys, anna carrier, while H.A.L.O. was makin’ sure she’d be a good pet parent. We drove home that afternoon an now I have The Best Furever Famly! An guess what? I’m gonna be Probly 2 next week!”
“That’s a great story, Ms. Vinaigrette! An congrats on your birthday! The Big O-2, hey? So what’s your typical day like?”
“Me an Mom havva roo-TEEN! I sleep on my panda blanket at the foot of Mom’s bed.
When the LARM rings, I jump up and roll around a buncha times an Mom rubs my tummy, which I like to call Tummy, Tummy, Tummy.”
“Clever,” I commented.
“Then I run to the kitchen for my breck-fust. Then I sit in the kitchen window an watch Mom feed the birds an squirrels. Then I acknowledge a fellow cat, our neighbor TOC (The Other Cat). Sometimes she comes to the window and we do that stretchy-meowy cat thing.
“I’m not a toy kinda grrrl. Gimme an empty toilet paper roll any day. Several times a day I get the Major Zoomies. I leap into the air, skid around corners, an zoom all over the house. The hallway’s the most fun cuz I jump way up sideways, plant all four paws on the wall, push off, twist and bounce off the opposite wall, then hit the floor running. I have this great scratching post where I can reach way up high an tear it to bits. Then Mom says I’m a fuh-ROW-shus Lioness. After all that I nap.”
“I can see where you would,” I commented.
“Do dogs get the Zoomies,” she asked. “Or is it just us?”
I’d never given the question much, if any, thought. “Well,” I ventured, “we pooches do a lotta random leapin’ an bouncing around, an a lotta nappin’, too, but I don’t believe we have elevated either to an art form in the way you felines have.”
She seemed pleased and gave me that big green stare, an I ree-lized I hadn’t seen her blink, which creeped me out a tiny liddle bit.
Heading home I was thinkin’ how fun an intrestin’ my innerview with Ms. Vinaigrette had been an how boring life would be if we were all the same. An wonderin’ for a nano second what a Hairball Greenie would taste like. Umm. Nah.
Till next time,
