I’ve never seen a poocheroo like Louie Wallace. He’s a dachshund, which I HAVE seen before: spruce an stylish, long hound nose, black floppy ears; that dachshund long-loaf-of-bread middle; legs shorter than snoot. But what amazed me was his Super Cool Kibbles color, gold around the eyes, an big black and white patches all over. I thought he was some sort of mix-chur.
When we knocked, there was lotsa barkin an, when the door opened Louie was standin’ there barkin’ away (not fuh-ROW-shus, just loud) next to a lady, who invited us in.
“Good morning, Mr. Wallace,” I said. “Thank you for meeting on such short notice. I had a last-minute cancellation anna early deadline.”
As I spoke, my assistant, with an OK from the lady, produced a yoghurt-an-apple snack from The Satchel an offered it to Louie, who accepted it, munched, then approached for the Wag-and-Sniff.
“Good morning, Bonz! May I call you Bonz? Call me Louie. Happy to help. This is my Gramma, Barb. Grampa Tom’s around somewhere. My Mom Caitlin’s in college. I do come on strong, I know. Tho small of STAH- chur, I am very protective of my famly. Nothing personal. PLUS, as you likely noticed, all the humans outside tidying the grounds with those loud muh-SHEENS are gettin’ on my last nerve. Let’s go sit down. I understand you wanna know where I’m from, how I found my furever famly, that sorta thing?”
“Exactly!” I opened my notebook.
“Great! Here goes. First off: I know I don’t look like a normal dachshund. But I AM a purebred, just a more unusual color call PIE-bald.”
“Well, you’re very striking and hansome!”
“Thanks, Bonz! My life began at a very nice kennel Up North. Gramma an Grampa, my uncles an my Mom, who was 9 at the time, were livin’ in New York with two Labs, Bailey an Cinnamon. Mom REALLY, REALLY wanted a tiny pooch to cuddle with. But Gramma an Grampa said NO MORE POOCHES. PERIOD. ABSOLUTELY NOT. THE END. But Mom kept sayin’ pleeze pleeze pleeze so Gramma an Grampa thought ‘Hummm, ah ha!’ then said ‘OK, if you can raise the money yourself.’ Since Mom was 9 they figured the chances were slim-to-none.”
Since Louie was sittin’ right in front of me, I sensed what was coming.
“Well,” Louie continued, “right before Mom’s 10th birthday, she announced that she had enough money for a puppy, PLUS, her an her BFF Jenny’d been searchin’ On The Line an found my kennel AN my bran new litter. Gramma an Grampa were VERY suh-PRIZED (an also impressed with Mom’s duh-ter-mu-NAY-shun an engine-NEW-itty), so they all drove to my kennel to meet us in the fur. I kept comin’ up to ’em for pats an snuggles, an we liked one another right away. An that was that. Mom named me Louie cuz she said I just look like a Louie.”
“So how was it when you got to your Furever home?”
“I met my uncles, who were 17, an somma their pals, who all thought I was Totally Adorable, of course. Bailey an Cinnamon, were less than enthusiastic. They sniffed me an were like, ‘Who in Lassie’s name is THIS liddle muggins?’ I was completely pooped so I just flopped over into their (empty) food bowl, curled up an fell asleep. From then on, we were totally inseparable. They were the Best! (When I got all grown up, I became, an still am, The Boss.) Later, when they hadda go to Dog Heaven, I was sad for a long time. But I was always Mom’s baby. Me an Mom grew up together.
“Now I’m attached to Gramma an Grampa. I protect ‘em and wanna be with ‘em all the time. I love ridin’ in the car so much I do a special twirly dance whenever we’re gettin’ ready. When I hafta stay home, I have a cozy liddle hideaway under the table sorta like a tent, with a special Temper-Pedic pad so I won’t get what humans call ang-ZIE-uddy.
“The hardest thing I remember about learnin’ Basic Dog Stuff was tryin’ to conker this one liddle HAH-butt: Chewin’ Furnichur Corners. There were a whole bunch of ’em to chew, too! But finally I transitioned to a more acceptable item, which I still haffta have with me when I go to bed: My Pig Ear Binkie. It’s perfect! It’s not a corner, but it lasts furever. So far.”
“Whaddy do for exercise? Any pooch pals?”
“Well, I’m 12, gettin’ up there, so I get at least five short neighborhood walks every day.
An, if I get tired, I ride in my tricycle buggy. Wanna see?”
His gramma disappeared, returning with this Extremely Crispy Biscuits black-and-orange-sherbet buggy with treat pocket, comfy-lookin’ mattress, an sun hood.
“Woof! Louie! That is one suh-WEEEEET ride!”
“I KNOW! Right? All my pals agree. There’s Bernie an Rusty. An (he lowered his voice) My Grrrlfren Bella, a Cairn Terrier. She’s beautiful. But, alas, she’s also a Canadian snowbirddog and she’s gone for the summer. But I still have my mem-rees.” Louie sighed, hopped into his Crispy Biscuits carriage, an settled in.
“Another great spot is the screen porch. I gaze out at the pond, an contemplate the birds. The squirrels I find, well, annoying, even though I know they’re fellow cree-churs. I just wish they go be fellow cree-churs elsewhere.”
“I hear ya,” I sympathized. “Any fav foodstuffs?”
“I’m trying to lose a few pounds. I’ve dropped some but you know what they say: Those last few are the hardest. So I’m on an Holistic diet: mostly ground beef an veg-tubbles. I also enjoy non-fat Greek yoghurt.”
I was going to ask him what flavor he preferred when I noticed he had dropped off to sleep.
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about the sturdy liddle piebald dachshund with his cool ride; his pig ear binky; an his dedication to his loving family. An I hadda agree with his Mom, he DOES just look like a Louie.
Till next time,
