This week I had the honor of innerviewing an Elder Statesdog, Finnegan Rodriguez, a Dachshund who is 18 (I KNOW! Right?) an has a lotta Tails to Tell.
Me an my assistant were greeted at the door by a frenly lady, who escorted us into the living room, where a small, very spruce dog stood next to a couch. He had kind dark eyes, an short pale gold/brown fur with a lot of white, speshully around his head an long snout, which made him look very wise. His large, floppy ears balanced his face, which sported a Cool Kibbles gold stripe from forehead to nose.
“Good morning, sir,” I said in my most re-speck-ful voice. “I am Bonzo the Columnist an this is my assistant. It is a great pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise, young fella,” Finn replied inna soft but steady voice. “I am Finn Rodriguez (just call me Finn) an this is my Mom, Nicole, an my Dad, Dan. Please make yourselves comf-tubble, an feel free to sniff about. May we offer you a wadder?”
“Thank you, no,” I replied, opening my notebook. “I’m well hydrated. And eager to hear your tail, sir.”
“Well, I shall begin then,” he replied, settling in on the sofa next to his Mom an Dad.
“So: My future Mom had just graduated from college an was still living at home in Virginia and she decided she wanted a puppy. Well, HER momma said, ‘Absolutely NOT! You can get a puppy when you move out!’”
“Oh, my! So what did she do?” I inquired.
“She moved out Then-an-There, an got me the very nex day!”
“Oh, Woof! That is SO Awesome Kibbles!”
“Indeed it was. Mom went On the Line an came upon a phodo of me. I was but a wee pupper an apparently very appealing. Mom ree-lized she had to have me so she went to my breeder right away. I was only 4 pounds and very timid but, for some reason, I KNEW instantly she was my Furever Mom an, even tho I was a liddle scared, I came right up to her an, No Woof, Mr. Bonzo, we were Best Frens from that moment on.”
“What a great tail, Mr. Finn,” I exclaimed. “So, did you already have your name?”
“My breeder name was actually Reese’s Pieces because of my coloring, but Mom named me Finnegan Monkeybear Bumblebee. Then, somewhere along the line, when Dad came along, they started calling me Noos, or Noonies or Noonigans.”
“Woof! That’s a LOT!” I exclaimed, writing as fast as I could. “What was it like, havin’ a Furever Famly?”
“It was just me an Mom at first. I was what Mom called her Little Sidekick. Best I recall, I was a preddy good liddle pupper. An I was Trooly Gifted at finding socks. Whether the laundry was clean or dirty, I could always find a nice SOCK. Then I’d chew it (puppies are required to do that, you know). Then Mom found some Totally Ukky-tasting spray an sprayed the socks, so I hadda quit. Total Bummer.
“I did have a pooch bestie for a while: Dad’s dog, Zulu. He was a dachshund mixture and pretty quickly became my big brother and total BFF! When he hadda go to Dog Heaven in 2014, I was what Mom calls DEH-vas-stated. I stood by the front door for two weeks, waiting for him.”
“Oh, Mr. Finn, that musta been so awful,” I sympathized.
“Indeed it was. But now I’m better. An now I have an across-the-street pooch pal, Mason, he’s a Doodle. He’s cool.
“I was king of the castle for a while there. Then Mom an Dad had CHILL-dren, an I got two human SIB-lings: Eva, she’s 11 in human, an Josie, she’s 7. So Dad sorta became My Person, cuz he’s the one who feeds me and takes care of me since Mom is tending to my liddle sisters. I still occasionally wonder when they’re gonna go back to wherever they came from, which I’m ree-lizing is NEVER, but I am very happy to be Dad’s Buddy. Anyway, I’ve slowed down a lot these days cuzza gettin’, you know, old.”
“I hear you, Finn,” I acknowledged.
“I’ve never really cared that much for lots of, whaddya call it, EX-ercize,” Finn continued. “I’ve always been pretty chill an easy-goin’. When Mom tried to take me on long walks, I’d hafta stop a lot. I mean, after all, look at my legs! I’m not engineered for long walks! So I’d just plop down, an Mom’d hafta carry me home.
“Frankly my fave thing to do these days is snoozing, relaxin’ an snugglin’ on or near Mom’s or Dad’s laps. I usta to Fetch an Chase. Never really cared for the Beach (too sandy), or swimmin’.
(Mom an Dad were hopin’ I’d be a Water Dog, but, I am TOTALLY NOT. Except in my bowl, I DON’T LIKE WATER.) Snoozin’ is my exercise of choice these days. I’d prefer to watch Animal Planet on TV an enjoy OTHER pooches exercizin’.”
“Have you done much travellin’?” I inquired.
“Indeed I have. I’m not really a fan, tho. I get a liddle NERVE-us. Over the years, we’ve moved six times: we had four homes in Virginia, an two here in Florida. Also, I’ll NEVER forget the time we hadda do what’s called ee-VAC-you-wait when there was this hurry-cane called, ummm, Irma, back in twenny-seventeen. There were, like, a zillion cars on the road, I’m preddy sure, an it took 23 hours to drive back to Virginia, which was Totally Soggy Dog Biscuits.”
“Oh, Woof, Finn! That musta been awful,” I exclaimed, then, “Where do you sleep?”
“Right next to Mom an Dad’s bed. I have the snuggliest, most COMFF-tubble bed EVER. It’s sorta like a Very Big Stuffy. It’s called a Squishmallow, cuz it’s soft as a marshmallow.”
“Any favrite foodstuffs.”
“No. I’m pretty much Equal Opportunity: I’ll eat anything. One time, when I was Much Younger, I accidently ate my Mom’s diamond earrings.”
That left me speechless.
Heading home, I was thinkin’ whata long, interesting, happy life Finn has had, an I felt happy myself that he’d taken the time to share it with me and you.
Till next time,
Don’t Be Shy
We are always looking for pets with interesting stories. To set up an interview, email
[email protected].
