Bonz makes pals with another Serius-ly cool cat


Talk about Close Calls: This week’s innerview-ee has a Tail to Tell!

Me an my assistant were greeted by a sleek, hansome cat, totally black except for the tip of his long tail, which was snow white. He came right up, more like a pooch than a cat, I thought. Didn’t even bother with the traditional cat Sniff-an-Size Up.

“Come in, Mr. Bonzo! Welcome! This is my Mom Kat, an I’m Serius Black Wood! Please havva seat!”

“Delighted to meet you both,” I said as we got settled on the couch. “I must say, that is an unusual an fass-uh-nating name.”

“I agree,” he replied. “I’ve learned it comes from a book series young humans Totally Love, about a human boy called Harry Potter. Serius Black is his godfather. You can call me Serius.

But my Mom usually calls me Handsome Boy an there’s a story behind that, too.”

“I’d love to hear it,” I prompted, opening my notebook.

“Sure, well, there was a time when me an Mom were staying with some frens, who hadda pupper called Cyrus. Well, whenever Mom called me – you know – like ‘HERE, SERIUS!’ – the liddle pupper thought she was callin’ HIM. So we both came runnin’, an it got pretty confusin’. So she decided to call me Hansome Boy instead which – not to brag – seemed appropriate.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I agreed. “I understand you had a pretty harrowing innerduction to the world. But, thank Garfield, with a happy Ending.”

“Troo an Troo,” he agreed, an began his tail.

“It was about 6 years ago an my soon-to-be Mom was in a different apartment. She was sleepin’ but woke up suddenly when she heard a liddle muffled sound, like a kitten mew-in’.

She searched everywhere but couldn’t find anything. An the mewin’ continued, so she called her Dad (Grampa Brian). He rushed right over, an discovered it was comin’ from behind the wall. (It was me, of course.)”

“I figured,” I said. “Woof! It musta been so scary.”

“Yep. For sure. Anyhow, I kept mewin’ loud as I could, which wasn’t that loud. So Grampa Brian ripped out the dry wall an, finally, there I was, scwunched between the walls, a buh-draggled liddle fluff ball. He scooped me up very gently an handed me to Mom. She was so kind an careful an snuggly. I looked around for my Mama an my brothers an sisters but they weren’t anywhere. But I wasn’t hurt, just a liddle confused, an happy to not be in that dark scary place anymore.”

“How did you get there in the first place?” I queried.

“Far as I remember, my kitty Mama had got into the addic somehow. I guess she didn’t have an ackshull home, but I don’t know for sure. Anyhow, she was all ready to have us babies, so we were born in the attic. We were all drinkin’ Mommy milk an our eyes were just beginnin’ to open. Then, somehow, I fell through the floor all the way to the bottom.”

“Anyway, my new Mom took me to the kitty doctor right away an he showed her how to take care of me. He gave her speshul milk called Kitten Milk Replacement, which is like regular Mommy Milk, cuz I still needed it. My new Mom gave it to me from a, um, she called it a suh-RINGE, with a nibble at the end like my kitty Mommy had. (She had one for each of us.)

“It was duh-lishus an I grew up all healthy. At first, when Mom went fun places to do singin,’ which humans call carry-OH-kee, she hadda bring me cuz i hadda eat every two hours. She carried me in a guinea pig cage an everybody was fine with it cuz I was so liddle. An puh-lite.

An cute.

“Anyway, Mom was So Happy to have me cuz it was her first time in her own place an now she had somebuddy – ME – to take care of an hang out with.”

“Oh, Woof, Serius! What an uh-MAZE-zing story. If you don’t mind me sayin’, you’re different than most of my fee-line frens. You’re not shy at all. You remind me more of a dog, if you know what I mean.”

“Ackshully, I do know. Since I was so liddle when me an Mom got together, an she fed me Mommy milk and took care of me in LOO of my kitty Mama, she was LIKE my kitty Mama.

Humans call that BON-ding. Mom says I have a Big Personality. I never learned to be mysterious or aloof. I’m totally a people cat. I also get along with dogs, long as they’re frenly like you.”

“So,” I inquired, “What’s your day-to-day like?”

Serius pointed to a BIG basket of toys an LOTSA tulle in lotsa colors. “I play with all that! I love playin’! I puh-tickularly love my dragon tunnel an my mouse-onna-stick.”

Serius zipped through his purple-an-green tunnel, then did a few hilarious summersaults an lotsa fast peddling with his back feet, like he was tryin’ to grab the white tip of his tail.

When he came to a stop he said, “Mom says playin’ like that’s called Single Cat Syndrome. I just call it FUN! I’m pretty much a Party Cat, but I also enjoy walks with Mom. I wear a sorta harness ana leash an I’m very well-buhaved. When I’m through zoomin’ around, I love sittin’ on Mom’s shoulder, just chillin’ an, of course, I sleep with Mom. When we’re havin’ company, an it’s my 10 o’clock bedtime, I come in an remind ’em, an try to shoo them out.

“My fave humans other than Mom are Grampa Brian an Miss Jennifer. (I help her clean when Mom’s at work). Also Aunt Rosemary an her dog, Shadow.

“All-in-all, you can call me a Very Furtunate Cat!”

Heading home, I was marveling over how Serius Black’s scary beginning turned into the Best Thing Ever for him an his Forever Mama.

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