Innerviewin’ puppies is always way fun – bouncy, slurpy, ex-ZOO-buh-rent fun. Oliver Hillenbrand is a total puppy: 28 pounds of curiosity an energy with soulful brown eyes, curly topknot, short curly gray hair (he just got his Summer Cut). Oliver is a Mini-Bernee-doodle, a hansome poocheroo of the type humans get all silly about. It is, I Googled an discovered, a mixture of a Bernese Mountain Dog anna mini-Poo.
Oliver bounded up to greet me an my assistant, hurtling over to me for what I’d call a Wag-an-Bounce, then bouncing over to my assistant, who laughed an friffled his ears, both of them ignoring Oliver’s human pointin’ an repeatin’ ‘Down!’ Although Oliver was excited to have comp-nee, he did get down. For a split second. When him an my assistant were done doin’ the bounce, down, bounce, down dance, I took the opportunity to innerduce myself.
“It’s SO excitin’ meetin’ you,” Oliver replied. “I WUVE ANNA-mows! AN HOO-mans! An WAH-der! This is MY hoo-man Daddy, Dan.”
Now an then, throughout the innerview, Oliver bounced over to my Assistant for a few frenly friffles. Oliver’s Daddy produced a small mouselike gizmo that produced a red dot. He’d make that liddle dot move all over the place, like magic. Oliver’d get distracted by the liddle dot, cease bouncing, then sit back down, and the innerview commenced.
Oliver, I’d noticed, had a bit of trubble wrapping his mouth around the letter “L.” But he was still a pupper, after all, an it was kinda, well, charming. He nosed about hopefully in my assistant’s Satchel, sniffin’ the bag of duh-lish-us Turkey-an-Sweet Puhtado treats. After permission was obtained, my assistant gave him one.
“Cool Kibbles place you have here,” I said. Oliver’s house was high up inna tall building, allowin’ him to look down onna big fenced field right next door, where a buncha pooches were runnin’ around. Totally Crispy Biscuits.
“Best View Ever!” he exclaimed. “It’s the Dog Park! I WUV the Dog Park! Me an Daddy go 2 or 3 times a day. I know AWE the pooches an hoo-mans. Daddy says I’m wike a Wal-Mart greeder.”
“Where are you from uh-riginally?
“Oh-HI-Oh. Daddy wivved in another pwace called Indee-ANNA. What happened was, Daddy was awe awone with no HOO-mans or pets or even a goldfish. He had some Soggy Dog Biscuits-ish-shoes and hadda have a oppa-RAY-shun in the HOSS-piddow. So his famwy said ‘GET A DOG!’ He hadn’t ever had one, ’cept when he was just a sprout. So he wooked on Facebook (which isn’t a book) an found pickshurs of pooches who wooked wike me.
Of course, he wanted one, cuz we’re Irreesistabow to HOO-mans. He wooked some more an found my breeder. Me an my brother were the only puppers weft. Daddy came to see us in the fur, an pick one. I was only a 4-pound fwuffball but I right away knew he was MY Daddy: I trotted over an gave him my MESS-muh-rizing Big Puppy Eyes. Daddy was Toast.”
Nobody liked Oliver’s kennel name, Kippa, (too grrrly), so his Daddy’s 6-year-old gran-daughter Kaitlyn picked “Oliver.” “You just look like an Oliver,” she told him.
“I usta run around outside in Indee-ANNA,” he continued, “cuz the yard hadda fence. One night Daddy heard a noise comin’ from the weeds. He shined his fashwight an out came this widdle anna-mow, bwack with a white stripe down the back. The liddle anna-mow was inside the fence an I was outside it. Me an that funny liddle goober had jus been playin’ around back an forth. Never caught his name, though. Him an Daddy were actin’ sorta nervuss, an preddy soon he waddled away, an I scooted back inside the fence. I still don’t know why Daddy was actin’ so odd. That’s hoo-mans, I guess.”
“How’d you get to here?”
“Me an Daddy drove down to visit Ant Waura, an I wiked it so much, Daddy bought a condo.
Ant Waura has one next door. Right after we got here, Ant Waura an Ant Wisa took me shoppin.’ They got me a cozy bed, wotsa toys. An outfits.” Oliver lowered his voice. “I don’t WIKE outfits. Not one widdo bit. Ant Wynn in Indee-ANNA gave me my first snuggly bwanket. It’s my fav-rit.”
I sympathized about the outfits, then, “You said you like wah-der?”
“Yeppurs! The swimmin’ poo, an the sprinkers. I haff my own wounge chair. An the O-shun is uh-MAY-zing! The first time I saw it, onna walk with Ant Waura, we went right up to it, an it ran away, but then it came back, so I started jumpin’ over those big wet splashy things. It was PAW-some.
“I’m trainin’ to be Daddy’s Support Anna-Mow, an he’s teachin’ me Basic Dog. I know how to ring when I haff to go out an Do My Duty. Look!”
“Ring?” I wondered.
Oliver ran to the front door. A big bell onna rope dangled from the doorknob.
“The time I had tummy trubs an got The Runs, I rang it all night wong. Daddy didn’t get any sweep, but I didn’t make any messes.”
“Astounding!” I exclaimed, impressed. “Got a fave toy?” Oliver bounced away, returning gently carrying a pink, obviously well-loved stuffed Piglet: soggy and worn, but intact.
“I’ve had my pig all my wife. It’s my baby! I NEVER rip it to pieces wike I do my other toys.”
“Any pooch pals?”
“Sure! Every dog at the Dog Park. An, Davis, a Wabradoodle. He wives with my cuzin Hanna in Indee-ANNA. You know what I REALLY Miss from Indee-ANNA? My goff cart. I WUVED it. I’d sit for hours, watchin’ Daddy an his frens try to knock a widdle ball into a buncha widdle holes. With a STICK. I think Daddy’s gonna get me a goff cart for here.”
Headin’ home, I was inna grrreat mood thinkin’ about joyful Oliver: bouncy, full of life an eager for Whatever Comes Next. That’s the kinda attitude I wish someone could put inna bottle an spray on Grumps.
Till next time,
