Gunner Avery looks like a pooch you Absolutely Wouldn’t Want to Mess With: a hansum Bull Terrier, built like a brick doghouse, with that Cool Kibbles curved snout, short white hair, pink nose and snazzy black dots on his skin, cuzza his breed being mixed with Dalmatians a long time ago.
Turns out, Gunner’s a laid-back poocheroo with a great backstory. Came right up for the Wag an Sniff with a cool bow-legged, John Wayne swagger.
I introduced myself an my assistant.
“So you’re The Bonz! My pals Arthur an Esme tell me you’re A-OK an said to say Hi. This is my Dad Chris an my Mom Gin. Let’s get comftubble, an I’ll tell you how I found my Forever Famly.
I’m one lucky dog!”
“Ready when you are.”
“First off, I’m a purebred. Got a Seriously Excellent bloodline. Official name’s Teufelhunden Gunner. (Devil Dog, like in the Marines.) My uncle was related to the only Bull Terrier ever to take first at Westminster.
“Anyway, Dad’s a military guy. Never wanted one of those fluff-muffiny liddle poocheroos. So, when he met a fren’s Bull Terrier, he decided ‘I want one!’ He found a breeder, an put the pick of the litter on lay-away. Sadly, that didn’t work out. So he went on Craig’s List (no clue who Craig is, but apparently he’s got a very long list).
“Meanwhile, a Bull Terrier breeder had given a puppy to his best friend as a gift. But the friend got that thing humans call a duh-VORCE, which is like the flu, I think: It makes humans feel terrible, an sometimes one of ’em has to move somewhere else. So, the friend had to do that, an the place he went didn’t allow pets. So the dog (it was ME, by the way) got driven to a strange place and passed to another human. Well, I was still pretty young an couldn’t understand what I did wrong. I was scared. I had to stay inna cage right next to another cage with a Very Mean an Snarly grrrl pooch in it.”
“Soggy Dog Biscuits!”
“Yeah, Definitely. But that’s when Dad an Mom found me, an decided on the spot to get me OUTTA THERE. Well, I didn’t know them from Adam’s house cat. I thought, ‘Oh, no, another car ride. More strange humans.’ I was shakin’ like a leaf an terrified. But THEN, they stopped at a liddle building with bright lights, went in an came back out with the Most Duh-lishus thing I Ever Ate in My Entire Life: a McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger! I knew I had won the Bull Terrier Rescue Lottery.”
“Tell me about your life since then.”
“Mom an Dad did everything they could to make me comftubble. Come look what Mom made for me. It’s a Murphy Bed. Dad said there was NO WAY I would agree to sleep in it.”
Gunner walked over to a tall cabinet. I was puzzled. “What’s a Murphy Bed?”
Gunner’s Mom opened the cabinet and pulled down this Cool Kibbles liddle bed, light an bouncy. Gunner jumped onto it, an stretched out on his back. “It’s SO comfy an cool. Isn’t it GRRReat?”
“I’ve never seen anything like it! Who’s Murphy anyway?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care,” he said, jumping off.
“You’re in such great shape,” I observed. “How do you keep fit?”
“I’m big, even for a Bull Terrier, 82 pounds. Next to Arthur an Esme, I feel like The Hulk. Mom an Dad make sure I get a lotta exercise. Sometimes I get the Zoomies, tear all over the place jumpin’ an twirlin’. I have no idea why. I guess it’s a big buncha energy tryin’ to get out.
“Once, as a pupper, I ate Mom’s watch. An backpack. An I pretty much destroyed Dad’s favrite baseball hat that he got in a place called Eye-rack. An I drooled all over his wallet with lotsa Important Stuff in it, but just that one time. In my defense, in both cases, it was cuz he wasn’t payin’ attention to me. So it was a Righteous Response, right? Mom an Dad called me a Bull Terrorist for awhile.
“But I’ve also trained to be a service dog. Once me an Mom an Dad were in Walmart doin’ field training. I had my harness on. An this liddle girl pointed at me and hollered, ‘MOM! LOOK! A PIG!!!’ I mean, Seriously? Come ON. But when we’re stressed, Bullys tend to turn Very Pink, an our noses get red. So I can sorta see her point.”
We laughed.
“Do you have a favrite food?”
“I’m not picky, but I do insist on a regular schedule. Dad says I have an Inner Clock. Dinner’s at 6 sharp. So, at 5:59 I go to the laundry room, where my food’s kept, an I stare at the door. Then I receive my appetizer, a Denta Stick, followed by my meal.”
“How ’bout pooch or human frens?” I inquired.
“Arthur an Esme, of course. Also, a couple Springer Spaniels, like you: Sassy an Luke, when they visit from Colorado. Far as humans, I like the UPS guy. He gives me treats.”
Gunner lowered his voice. “Keep it under your hat, Bonz. I have a grrrl-fren. Nola. I see her walkin’ on Jungle Trail. She’s SO pretty. So, Bonz, ever wonder what it’d be like to settle down, ya know, be a Dad?
“There was this long-legged greyhound, April, a while back. But I’m pretty much a bachelor kinda pooch,” I responded.
“Well, I think I’d like to be a Dad, if I meet the right grrrl.”
“Don’t give up, I’m sure she’s out there somewhere,” I assured him.
Heading home, I thought how Cool Kibbles it was to hang out with down-to-earth Gunner, a big, strong pooch who didn’t feel the need to be ferocious, an wasn’t afraid to show his soft side.
I hoped he’d get the chance to be a Dad. An I was plannin’ how I was gonna negotiate with grandpa for a double cheeseburger.
