Bonz says this dog’s life is one Cholula-palooza

Cholula [Photo: Leah DuBois]

This week I yapped with a Chi-Shi (Chihuahua/Shih Tzu) – Cholula Hall, who’s really got it Goin’ ON. Cholula’s Sweet, Sassy an Serious, all at the same time: she’s a Grrly-Grrl who loves to dress up; she’s (pretty much) a Diva, named for that hot sauce humans like; AN she’s a no-nonsense, fuh-ROW-shuss-sounding guard dog. All inna very cute, black-an-white 12-pound package.

The major barkin’ that started soon as we knocked sounded like a Much Bigger Dog, but, when the door opened, there stood this liddle dainty lookin’ pooch, anna man. The liddle pooch didn’t SOUND dainty AT ALL, though. I was impressed. After the man assured the little Bark Machine that we were OK, she shushed.

“Good morning, Miss Cholula,” I said. “That is Some Bark you have there.”

“I take my job as Watchdog VERRY Seriously,” she replied sweetly, trotting up for the Wag-an-Sniff. “So, you’re Bonzo the Columnist. DO come in. I’m so excited I’m gonna be in the PAYper. This is my Daddy, Jesse. He works from here. My Mommy, Aggi, works elsewhere.”

We got settled in an I opened my notebook. “Just tell me about yourself, Miss Cholula. How you found your famly, what you life’s like, your favrite things, like that.”

“Okey-dokey. Well, Daddy was lookin’ for a Chihuahua. He wanted a liddle, portable pooch he could take everywhere, small enough to fit in a teacup. (I think that’s one of those Human Things, cuz Daddy’s never put me inna teacup. I’ve never even SEEN a teacup. I can almost fit in my water dish, though.) He also wanted a Good Watch Dog. He Read Up and found out that, even though they’re liddle, Shih Tzus worked as watch dogs a real long time ago in Juh-PAN, which is an island far, far, away. A whole troupe of Shih Tzus stood guard in Watch Cages in a big circle around the CAS-ull an, when bad guys got too close, they’d bark an warn the humans. I’m proud to carry on the tradition. Real lmportant Stuff.”

“Woof, I’ll say,” I replied.

“Anyway, a whole buncha Daddy’s frens helped him in his Dog Search. Then frens of a fren said they hadda litter (the one I was in) which were part Chihuahua an part Shih Tzu. So Daddy came to visit us. We were just 5 weeks old an we looked like furry softballs. Well, one look an Daddy was TOAST. I did my liddle puppy yelp to say ‘Hello,’ an I guess I was irresisti-bubble cuz he picked me.

“I know I don’t seem like it when I’m On Watch Dog Duty, but I’m ackshully pretty cuddly, Mr. Bonzo.” She smiled a very big smile. Her ears flopped over a liddle at the top an she had brown eyebrows an cheeks, an this cute prance. An her black an white coat design made her look sorta like a Double-Stuff Oreo. (But I digress.)

“I loved my new home an my Mommy an Daddy right away,” she continued. “The hardest thing to learn was The Stairs. Mommy an Daddy were gonna wait till I was bigger to teach me, but I didn’t wanna be left when they went up ’em or down ’em, so I sorta taught myself. Going UP was the hardest. Took me forever. Going down was scary. But I got brave enough, finally. At first it was a sorta flop-an-roll. Later it was more of a bump-an-tummyslide. NOW I can fly up ’em AN down ’em no problem.

“An guess what? Me an Daddy have conver-SA-shuns. I think he ackshully knows some Dog, even though his accent’s funny. Listen!”

Her Daddy made some noises I never heard comin’ from a Human, an then Cholula started whining, an mini-howling, makin’ some noises I never heard comin’ from a pooch. They did that back an forth for a while. I was uh-STOUNDED!

“Cool Dog Biscuits, right?” she said.

“Woof! For sure!” I managed.

“I also love goin’ on Sniff Walks,” she blithely continued. “Daddy says I’m the most hound-y non-hound dog EVER, cuz I’m always catchin’ new smells. I also enjoy Tug-of-War an Squirrel Chasin’ in the park. An I LOVE the BEACH. But only the sand part. I dig, an sunbath, an chase the waves away. But they keep comin’ back.

“Oooo, an I’m great at fetchin.’ Watch!” Her Daddy tossed a stuffed hippo an Cholula skidded after it, toenails clickety-clicking on the tile floor. The hippo was as big as her, but she grabbed it, dragged it back, an triumphantly body-slammed it at our feet. Same with her Squeaky Cupcake an her Penguin.

“I ALSO love DRESSIN’ UP. Here, lemme show you my outfits!”

Her Daddy disappeared an returned with a big bag.

“Lookee,” Cholula said, excited. “This is my Santa suit. An my Ugly Christmas Sweater. An my pretend fur coat for when it’s cold.”

There was a pink-an-black ballerina outfit; a flowery dress; a Super Cool Kibbles Wonder Woman outfit with a CAPE; an a spiffy purple-an-gold Orlando City Soccer Supporter scarf. “I wear THIS when we go to Coasters Biergarten. It’s a pooch-frenly pub.”

Her Daddy helped her into a red dress with sparkly snowflakes. “See? THIS is for Speshull Occasions!” She did a coupla twirls.

“You look a-MAY-zing!” I blurted.

“I KNOW!” she replied happily.

“Any special pooch pals?”

“Well, my Super Special BFF is Oscar.” She whispered behind her paw (“He’s my boyfriend”). Then there’s Eddie. Our Mommies are BFFs. Then Foxy Brown, Vinnie Bag of Donuts an Baby Cakes.”

Which reminded me to ask, “Any favrite foodstuffs?”

“Totally! BACON! My three favrite things are: The Beach! My Boyfriend! An – BACON!

“My most un-favrite thing is bein’ WET. UGGH! I love lookin’ beautiful, but I don’t like BATHS. But I put up with ’em, cuz I wanna be well-groomed, AN sleep with Mommy an Daddy.”

The time had totally zoomed by. Headin’ home, I was thinkin’ about Sweet, Sassy an Serious Cholula, a pooch of many parts. An, I admit, bacon.

Till next time,

The Bonz

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