Photo: Kaila Jones Lil Lee Slater thinks she’s probly a chihuahua, the kind with long wavy hair. An, cuzza her big beautiful, fluffy ears, I think maybe she’s got some Papillon, too. (That’s French for budderfly. I don’t ackshully speak French. One time when I tried, I ended up asking for a shoe with cheese on it. I just met a Papillon pooch once at a party.)
Anyhow, Lil Lee is real pretty: golden coat, delicut fee-chures, feathery hair on her legs, thick, wavy tail. An DOG can she bark! She also makes this real high squealy sound that could slosh the water right outta your dish.
Lil Lee stood peeking out from behind her human when me an my assistant entered. She immediately started jumpin’ all over the place, twirlin’ around and barkin.’
“Good morning, I’m Bon …”
“Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.”
“Bonzo. This is my …”
“Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.”
“It’s a pleas…”
“Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.”
Her human picked her up, an she shushed. “Oh. Sorry. I just get SO excited about CUMP-ny. PLUS, I always alert Mommy if I hear anything outside. This is my Mommy, Gwen. I’m Lil Lee Slater. We’ll go sit in the kitchen, OK?”
“Absolutely,” I said. Lil Lee remained gracefully seated in her Mom’s lap for the duration of the innerview. Except when the Garbage Truck went by.
I opened my notebook, and she shared her story.
“Back in January 2017, when I was around 3, I got dropped off atta rescue place called Dogs an Cats Forever. I had just had the No Puppies Procedure, an I was restin’ in a volunteer’s lap, when Mommy came in. She had had lots of ShihTzus over the years but they’d all gone to Dog Heaven an she was alone. What happened then was Meant to Be, Mr. Bonzo: I was waiting for a Mommy an alluva sudden, There She WAS, even though I didn’t reelize it yet. I was very shy an gloomy. I didn’t bark, or wag or anything. Had the personality of a turnip. But Mommy knew I was Her Pooch and she was my Mommy.
“For the longest time after I got to my Forever Home, I just sorta hung out. I was what humans call list-luss. Inside, I was wonderin’ if Mommy was gonna drop me off somewhere pretty soon, like what happened before. I couldn’t imagine an ackshul Forever Home, so I didn’t wanna get my hopes up.
“I didn’t make a single sound for weeks an weeks. But Mommy just kept givin’ me love and kibbles. Anna a nice bed. An lotsa toys. An leash walks. She knew I’d figure stuff out uh-VEN-shully. Then, one day, I did! When we were getting’ ready for our walk, there was this Sound. It startled both of us. It was ME! I had barked. Now, maybe you noticed, Mommy can’t shut me up.”
“I did notice that,” I said. “You’ve got quite an impressive bark, Lil Lee. So, what about pooch pals? Toys? Food preferences?”
“To tell you the truth, Mr. Bonzo, ’cept for my neighbor Misty (she’s my BFF), I prefer boy pooches. Sammy’s OK. So’s Jeter. When we were innerduced, I barked an he just walked off, but then he stayed here one time while his humans were away, and we got to know each other bedder. Now me an him are like brother an sister.
“I don’t like toys all that much. One time Mommy gave me one of her socks to chew. That was fun. Then she washed it and it was never the same. I like chasin’ lizards, of course. One time I was concentratin’ on a lizard an there was this snake right by me an I didn’t notice it, but Mommy did. She wiggled the grass but the snake didn’t move. So she threw mothballs at it, and it slithered off.”
“Mothballs?”
“Yep. When Mommy gets out my harness before a walk, I run around her three times for luck before she puts it on me. I have a collection of bandanas in lotsa colors. I mostly wear the red one Aunt Tootsie got me. I also have a buncha swedders. My favorites are the red an green Christmas one and the red one with a dog on it.”
“I’m guessing red’s your favorite color,” I commented.
“Yes, I s’pose it is. It goes so well with my wavy, golden hair, don’t you think?” She gazed at me with those big, dark eyes.
“Ab-so-woofin’-lutely, Miss Lil Lee,” I said with great sincerity.
Oh, an guess what Mr. Bonzo? Two of Mommy’s other dogs were in the ackshull PAY-per. In that part humans call comics an are always laughin’ at. It was in one called ‘Marmaduke.’”
“Oh, right, the Great Dane!”
“Yes. They had their pickshurs in that one cuz they did funny things. Come, look.”
She showed me a big framed pickshur of the cah-mick.
“Shut the Doghouse Door! That’s Seriously Cool Dog Biscuits!” I exclaimed. “So what’s your favrite food?”
“I guess I’m a teeny bit picky. Mommy cooks me chiggen tenders with cell-ree an rosemary an a liddle garlic. An she always makes sure I have good dental hi-jean. I love getting’ my teeth brushed. It gives me that squeaky clean feeling. Then, Mommy gives me my treat. I grab it an rush to the bedroom, to a spot where I can eat it AN watch the front door. Just in case. You always gotta be VIDGE-i-lunt. Even though I’m liddle, I’m BRAVE. Nothing scares me!
“Well, ’cept that big tall, loud thing that slurps up stuff on the floor, that Mommy’s always chasin’ around. I run an hide, so it doesn’t slurp ME up.
“Oh, an that big-mouth thing in the kitchen that eats dishes. When Mommy feeds it dishes and pushes the button, I hide in the bathroom.”
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about funny liddle Lil Lee with her pretty butterfly ears an her Very Big Bark. An her rosemary chiggen. Hummm. My Grandma’s a Really Good Cook …
Till next time,
The Bonz
