Woof! Another first for me. LAST week I hadda fun innerview with a white Maltese named Little Bit Powers. Didja see it? Then, THIS week, I realized my innerview was with a black Chihuahua named – wait for it – Little Bit Newman. I’ve innerviewed dogs with the same names before, but never right together like that.
Anyway, there were no yaps when we knocked or when the door opened, and there stood Little Bit, right next to her human. She was So cute, like a liddle loaf of bread, tail going at propeller speed: she was black ’cept for some white around her eyes – like a cool Zorro mask – white paws, round, black eyes an those sig-nuh-chure, sticky-uppy Chihuahua ears. After the Wag-and-Sniff, she said, puh-lightly, “Good afternoon, Mr. Bonzo an Mr. Bonzo’s Assistant. I’m Little Bit Newman. You may call me Bitty. This is my Mommy, Lisa.”
“It’s a great pleasure to meet you both. I understand you’re South Florida grrrls.”
“Indeed,” Bitty replied. “We moved up here a few years ago. I find it a lot more ruh-laxing. It’s always been just me an Mommy. We’re in-duh-pendent grrrls.”
“So how’d you two first meet?”
“I was ackshully a PRESENT to my Mommy from a fren when I was 2 months old and only 4 pounds. I was a boo-TEEK puppy, not from one of those other, DOO-bee-us Places. I have PAY-pers an everything. My pooch Mommy was Tinker Bell, an my pooch popy was Pepe. Even though I wasn’t a fluffball – us short-haired Chihuahuas don’t DO fluffy – I was Super Cute. Me an Mommy became BFFs right away. She loves me so much she actually relocated for me. See, when she first got me, she discovered that where she was livin’ was a No Pooches Allowed place, and she hadda stuff me in a big bag and sneak me out to Do My Duty, which was a Major Pain in the Kazoo for All Concerned. So she found us a Pooch-Frenly townhouse.”
“Woof, Miss Bitty. That’s love all right.”
Miss Bitty yawned a really big yawn. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “It’s not the comp-nee. It’s just that I spent the whole weekend at Gramma Beverly an Grampa Mark’s with my pooch pals Zoey, April, Blaze an Billy, runnin’ around an playin’ the en-TIRE time, an I’m totally POOPED.”
To illustrate, she collapsed onto one of the two pooch beds nearby.
“That is a comfy lookin’ bed,” I observed.
“I KNOW,” she replied, from a reclining position. “An, LOOK! It has my very own name with my very own apostrophe. It’s my first apostrophe.”
I looked. Sure enough, along the end, in Special Stitching, it said “Bitty,s Bed.”
“That is Cool Dog Biscuits,” I said. “But your apostrophe looks kinda like a comma, since it’s down at the bottom.” (I’m a journalist, so I notice these things.)
“That’s true. That’s why it’s special. ANYbody can have a REG-ular apostrophe, at the top.”
“Ah. Well, it’s Totally Cool Kibbles, Miss Bitty. I’ve never had my own apostrophe. So whaddya ladies do for fun?”
“We love ad-VEN-ture. ’Specially travel. Flyin’ always puts me to sleep. An road trips. I’ve been to Cali-FORN-yuh, Nashville, Fort Myers, and tons of other places. My FAV-rut is the KEYS. That’s a buncha liddle blobs of land with lotsa water all around. Key West is way at the end an, DOG, do they know how to parTAY! Plus, I met the coolest pooch down there, Pi Carpenter, a Portuguese Water Dog. In Key Largo, me an Mommy go KI-yakkin,’ an I play in the warm shallow water. We do that here, too.
“We take two 25-minute walks every day, which is a lotta chihuahua steps, buh-lieve me. We also do lotsa bike ridin.’ I have my own BAS-kut. Me an my pooch pals Lolli an Peta – chihuahuas like me – have play dates, and me an Lolli have our birthday parties together. I also like goin’ over to Blaze’s place cuz she has a POOL! We sometimes have PJ parties at her house when our Mommys go to the moo-vees.
“We all like to dress up. I have a bunch of outfits. My favorite’s my Cupcake dress. On Halloween, I’m usually a Bumble Bee.”
“I assume you have a Big Toy Basket,” I ventured.
“Ackshully, I only play with three toys. I’ve had ’em for 12 years. Here, I’ll show you.”
She trotted over to her bed and pointed with her paw. Three liddle stuffed, well-worn somethings, neatly arranged. I looked closer.
“They look like … sorta like … are they …?”
“Yep. They’re RATS, Mr. Bonzo. My favorite toys.”
“Woof,” I said. “Don’t buh-lieve I’ve ever seen toy rats. What are their names?”
“I like to call them The Gray One, The White One an The Brown One,” she explained proudly. “Would you like a little nibble?” She brought The Gray One over carefully, between her teeth.
“That is so sweet of you, Miss Bitty, but I’m on deadline. You sure have a Cool Kibbles life!”
“True, true, Mr. Bonzo. Like They Say: ‘Grrrls just wanna have fun!’”
“It would seem so. Do you have any food pref-rences?”
“YES! Anything that isn’t nailed down. I officially get boring kibbles two times a day. I also get One-an-Only-One Greenie a day. Unofficially, I get teeny bits of Mommy’s food if it’s Pooch Appropriate, an same with her snacks. Wa-ay more innersting.
“Me an Mommy also do Very Important Work. I’m a fully trained, registered Therapy Pooch. Mommy’s job is helpin’ humans she calls The Elderly People. We visit nursing homes and assisted living places an bring ’em love an cheer. I’m great at both of those. Also nuzzles, kisses, wags an snuggles. Hangin’ out with The Elderly People’s the Best. Feeling. Ever. knowin’ I ackshully make ‘em Happy just by bein’ ME. PLUS, I get wunnerful tummy rubs, pats and ear tickles.
Heading home, I was feeling inspired by Miss Bitty: by her Happy Attitude and Her Important Work. Seeing her in her Cupcake Dress would make anybody smile. There are some things only a dog can do.
