There’s absolutely No Way I’ll EVER get bored in this job. This week I innerviewed a very suave young dude, Capt. Oculess Prime Yeatts. (Everybody calls him The Captain.) He’s a frenly, slender, totally black cat. An he’s blind. As a bat. But you wouldn’t notice it at first.
Soon as The Captain’s Mom opened the door and we’d stepped in, I sat down politely, the way I had learned in my handbook, “Basic Cat for Dummies.” As Rule 1 instructs, I let the cat come to me. (If any of you pooches innerface with cats at all, you should get this book. It’s great. Mine’s dog-eared already.) So I said, “Good afternoon. I’m Bonzo. It’s a pleasure.”
The Captain wasn’t nervous a bit. He walked right up for the Sniff-and-Size Up. (Rule 4: Cats don’t do the Wag-and-Sniff.) “Welcome to our home,” he said. “Just call me Captain. This is my Dad, Brian, my Mom, Amy, an my liddle human brother, Bodhi, whose still havin’ his dinner. He’s my best bud. We’re about the same age – 2-ish.” (Bodhi was sittin’ in one of those tall chairs with the tray thingy in front, clutching a spoon.)
The Captain led the way to a nice bright porch. He totally knew his way around. You’d never know he was blind. He paused for some chin tickles from my assistant. I got my notebook out. “So, tell me how you found your Forever Family.”
“I first met Mom when me an a fellow kitten got dropped off at the Vero Beach Humane Society where Mom works. (She’s a vet tech.) Before we could get Forever Families, we hadda get Spiffed Up an Checked Out: Pretty quick, the humans looked at my eyes an said I was ‘blind.’ I didn’t know what that meant, cuz my eyes never did work. I always figure stuff out by hearin’ an smellin.’ (I have, like, The Best Sniffer an Ears EVER. I can hear a bug tip-toein’ across the porch.) Anyway. I got the No-Kittens procedure, of course, plus, I hadda have an operation to take out one eye. Mom an Dad had sorta already decided they wanted to adopt me, when I was ready, an they did!”
“Cool Catnip!” I exclaimed.
“I know! Right? I learned my way around the house right away. The minute I met Bodhi, I knew we were gonna be Best Pals. Mom an Dad showed him how to give me liddle soft pats an to not pull my tail too hard. He was just learning to talk, an guess what his First Word was?”
“I’m thinkin’ it wasn’t ‘Mama’ or ‘Daddy.’”
“It was ‘Kitkat!’ Mom an Dad were like ‘Wha-at?’”
“I’ll bet.”
“I also have two pooch brothers, rescues, like me. Thomas is a Staffordshire Terrier, he’s about 10; an Dexter, he’s 8-ish, he’s an American Bulldog. They kinda adopted me, too. We play all the time. An snuggle. Sometimes I sneak their kibbles, but they’re cool with that. An, when I hadda have my other eye out, they were puh-lite an concerned. I bounced back pretty quick from that, cuz I’m tough.”
“Woof, Captain, you sure are! I think you’re uh-MAY-zing. What do you eat, other than the occasional dog kibble?”
“Just regular cat food, an yummy catnip treats. And to drink, I prefer running water, so I usta flip my bowl over with my paw. Which I learned was not a good idea. Finally, Mom bought me this cat fountain. I can’t knock it over and I don’t haff to anyway, cuz the water’s always movin.’”
“So, what’s your day like?”
“I’m a totally indoor cat. I mostly play with Bodhi an Thomas an Dexter. An eat. An nap. I have a comfy bed with pom-poms on it. I grab the pom-poms an drag my bed to wherever I want to nap. Mom an Dad put baby fences around the front room so Bodhi has a nice big, safe place to play. I creep way around the edge on my quiet liddle cat feet an slip in behind the couch. Me an Bodhi like to listen to ‘Little Einsteins’ on TV. We’re learning a lotta stuff about nature an liddle humans in places way far away.
“I also have a buncha Crinkle Balls. They are Totally Cool Fish Sticks! Dad throws ’em an I chase ’em. I always know exactly where they’re going by that crinkly sound. I could bop ’em an chase ’em for hours.
“An I just made up this fun new game. I hide silently under the bed an pretend I’m the Boogiecat. When somebody walks by, I POUNCE an bop ’em with my paw. I’m great at pouncing.’ An nibblin’ toes. Also, I don’t speak Meow.”
“Whaddya mean? What’s Meow?” I asked.
“Meow is the lang-wudge cats use to talk to humans. But I am a Stealth Cat.”
“You do have a very mysterious look, with your black coat, an long legs an tail,” I observed. “Like those royal Egyptian cats who hung out with the Fair-Os.”
“Really? Cool Catnip!”
“An how about that interesting name?”
“Mom an Dad named me for one of those Transformers from the movies, Optimus Prime. He’s one tough dude, like me. So, ‘oculus’ means something like an eye an, since I don’t have any eyes, it’s ocuLESS. Get it?”
“Woof! That’s, like, the coolest name ever. You seem like one happy cat.”
“I am, Bonzo. I have a wunnerful famly. I always wanna be wherever they are.”
Heading home, I closed my eyes an imagined how I would feel to never know what the world looks like. The Captain’s never seen anything: trees, fire hydrants, fellow animals. But he finds joy in the same things that make the rest of us happy: toys, a comfy bed, good food – and a home with a loving famly. I think I would feel just the same.
Till next time,
The Bonz
