When I first met Scarlett Dietrich, I alluva sudden felt like a shy, doofy puppy. Soon as a very nice lady opened the door, this leggy poocheroo came trotting up, graceful head held high; big, brown eyes; sweet smile; wavy coat shining; feathery tail waving.
As I stood there like a lump, she gave my assistant several bouncy welcome nudges, executed a graceful wag-an-sniff, an then exclaimed, in a voice full of eagerness and punk-chew-waited with liddle woofs, “Welcome, Mr. Bonzo. This is my Mom, Courtney. I’m Scarlett Dietrich.”
“Ummmm, it’s a very, really, really great pleasure,” I muttered cleverly, fluffing my ruff.
“Follow me!” she said happily. “Mom says I get to tell you my story, which isn’t, you know, all that long, cuz I’m just one.”
Scarlett bounded off, an we followed. While my assistant produced a coupla duh-lishus bacon treats from The Satchel, an Scarlett joyfully inhaled them, I opened my notebook an told myself sternly that I am, first an foremost, a pruh-FESH-ional, seasoned journalist, an I need to get a grip, for Lassie’s sake, instead of daydreaming about settlin’ down an …”
At her mom’s request, Scarlett had gracefully seated herself on the floor. “Should I buh-gin now, Mr. Bonzo?”
“YES, of COURSE! Absolutely, Miss Scarlett,” I replied in what I hoped was my pruh-fesh-ional journalist voice.
Brown eyes gazing at me intently, she began. “I’m an American Red Fox Lab, an, altho I do have Important PAY-pers (which IS kinda a big deal), I’m NOT a Snobnose. My black lab mom an my Red Fox dad aren’t Snobnoses either.
“My Furever humans have always loved labs (I mean, who wouldn’t), an, buh-fore me, Mom had a yellow lab, Greta. When Greta hadda go to Dog Heaven 2 years ago, Mom was very sad.
“After a whole year, it was finally Time: late Duh-cember twenny-twenny three. My Grandma found a breeder, Miss Kristi, inna place called, um, Monty-Jello, Georgia, I think it was. We had just been born, all eight of us. I was the runt. On a thing called FaceBook Mom an Gramma got to see our wonderful barn an pens an stuff. An us, of course. Mom picked me right away, I think cuz I was so adorable an liddle. Plus, I had a red collar, just like Greta had.
“SO, on Duh-cember 15, Miss Kristi drove me an two other puppers she was deliverin’ down this way, to something called a X-IT near a town called o-CAH-LUH, haff way buh-tween Monty-Jello an here, to meet my Furever Famly: my MOM, an Gramma an Grampa Dietrich.
“It was FREE-zing, Mom says, an I was curled up like a liddle snowball, an wondering ‘Where am I? Who are all these people?’ But I was preddy mellow, till I was picked up an placed on the ground. THEN, I started LEAPIN’ an TWIRLIN’ an BOUNCIN’ for No Apparent Reason. (Mom says I was Rodeo-in’ Around cuz I looked like a buckin’ bull, which I ackshully still do when I get all excited.) Anyway, I gotta Furever Home an Mom got ME! Best Christmas EVER!!”
“TOTALLY!” I agreed. “What was it like gettin’ use to your Forever Home?”
“It’s CRISPY BISCUITS! I have the BEST Mom an Gramma An Grampa!!! An Mom’s been teachin’ me Important Dog Stuff: I learn fast an I don’t chew Stuff I Shouldn’t, like furniture or Mom’s stilettos. An I find stuffies kinda meh.
“Mom also taught me to Do My Duty Only Outside, Even If It’s Rainin’. (At first I was like ‘Seriously?’ It’s WET!) But, whatever the weather, a Dog’s Gotta Doo what a Dog’s Gotta Doo. Right, Mr. Bonzo?”
“Indeed,” I replied.
“My favrite thing in the whole world, Mr. Bonzo, is FRISBEE!!” (As Scarlett talked about her Love of All Things Frisbee, she bounced around in excitement.)
“I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!! I’m Super Fast! I can catch it in the AIR! I can catch it in the WADER! I can EVEN catch it in the DARK!! Mom calls me a Frisbee NUT! Maybe I can show you later!”
(She DID! She was AMAZING!)
“Even though Mom doesn’t ackshully HUNT,” Scarlett continued, “she’s teachin’ me important things re-TREE-vers, like my pooch mom an dad, are bred and trained to do. I’m learning hand signals AN talk commands. When Mom says ‘Go to your place,’ I go to a special spot (a liddle square board thingy) an stay till Mom says I can get off.”
“Do you have any pooch or human pals, Miss Scarlett?” I inquired.
“Oh, YES! My BFF neighbors Otis an Troubadour (Trouby). They’re Goldens. An my nex-door neighbor Zeus, a Chocolate. He’s still growin’ into his name. An my human Besties Gerry an Gloria. I stay with them when Mom hasta be AWAY. I LOVE them. When Mom an Gramma an Grampa were in IT-ally, I helped Mr. Gerry with projects in his garage.
“I also LOVE swimmin’ in the o-shun! The pool, too, but not till I’m invited. An NEVER, EVER in the lake, cuzza the ally-gadors.”
“Woof!” I exclaimed.
“I know! Right?” She agreed.
“What’s your typical day like?”
“After breakfast I play a lot. Obviously, Frisbee’s a BIG part of my day. Me an Mom play on the golf course when there’re no other humans nearby. We’re Very Tidy. We do leash walks. An we practice all the stuff Mom’s teachin’ me. We may go to the beach, or for a ride. That’s fun! I always want the roof open.
Cuz I’m still growin’ an have so much energy, I eat a LOT! Mostly Kibbles, an chiggen, an eggs.
Plus, I LOVE apples. Mom slices ’em an puts ’em in my bowl. Major Yum. I usually sleep with Mom. Or in my papasan chair. I’m a very happy grrrl, Mr. Bonzo.”
Headin; home, I was thinkin’ about Miss Scarlett. A lot. Sigh. Then I started thinkin’ about all the adventures an fun I have, an all the pawsome new pooch pals, like you, I meet every week. Yup, I’m a lucky dog. A carefree, lucky dog.
