When I first met Harvey Mushman Conn, I was like WHOA. His Mom an Dad greeted me an my assistant an welcomed us in, then Harvey came up an the first thing I thought was he reminded me of a racehorse, you know, that kinda prancy trot they have with their heads held high, an they just sorta float.
Anyway, Harvey’s pooch Mom is a Golden Doodle an his pooch Dad is a Standard Poo, so Harvey ended up a tall, hansome long-leggedy fellow with short, curly white hair.
Intros followed the Wag-an-Sniff.
“Good afternoon,” I said. “I’m Bonzo and this is my assistant.”
“Well, hey there, Bonz. OK to call you Bonz? I’m Harvey Mushman Conn, just call me Harvey.
This is my Daddy, Glenn, an my Mommy, Kim. Come on in.”
We got settled, an Harvey puh-litely enjoyed a coupla treats my assistant produced from The Satchel.
“I hafta say,” I said, “you have pawsome posture. Are you a show dog?”
Harvey laughed. “Oh, Woof, no! I guess I get that from my pooch mom an dad.”
“I’m also wonderin’ how you got your Cool Kibbles, unusual name.”
“Daddy says I’m named after a movie actor, Steve McQueen, who also loved driving race cars, but didn’t wanna use his ackshul name when he was racing cuz it’d cause a Big Crowd of fans an stuff. So he used another name and covered his face with his hel-mutt when he raced: Harvey Mushman.”
“Woof!” I exclaimed. “That is amazing. Weird. An amazing.”
“I KNOW! Right?” Harvey agreed. “It’s a human thing, I guess. But I like it! It’s unusual.”
“For sure!” I agreed. “Totally Cool Kibbles. You-NEEK! Anyway, I can’t wait to hear your tail.” I opened my notebook.
“Ok, so, I was born in March, twenny-sixteen, in Fellsmere. Mommy an Daddy had other dogs buh-fore me, Gus an Buddy, but when they hadda go to Dog Heaven, it took Mommy an Daddy 7 years to feel like they should get another dog.
“Mommy was sorta wantin’ a Golden Doodle an when she found me, I was the last un-adopted puppy in my 8-puppy litter. I got put on lay-away, an Mommy an Daddy picked me up soon as I was 8 weeks old, an didn’t need Mommy Milk anymore. (I was jus’ 9 pouns then. Now I’m 70.)
“I was TRAY comf-tubble right away, always been a preddy chill sorta pooch, jus layin’ around on my back with my legs sorta floppin’ in the air. Back then, I was teething, so, of course, I was chewin’ on stuff, mostly sticks. An flowers. Also stuffies. Mommy a Daddy got me a whole buncha stuffies. I still love stuffies. Here, lemme show you my fave!”
Harvey trotted over to a big basket overflowing with stuffies, an grabbed one.
“THIFF ibb by FAY-bwutt! Ib’s PIBBY!” he declared, mouth full of what I discerned was an obviously well-loved pink pig stuffy.
Placin’ Piggie gently on the floor, he explained. “Now lotsa my famly members (like my Dogparents Eddie an Sandy, an their son EJ) have other Piggies for when I visit. Isn’t that so nice?”
“Totally,” I agreed.
“So,” I prompted, “any fave foodstuffs? Pooch pals? Human pals? Do you travel?”
“Lemme see, well, me an my bestie Milo (he’s a RIDGE-back) like cookies an Dental Sticks. An I get yummy hip-an-joint choos cuz pooches like me get what’s called hip ish-yous.
“I also Really Like VEGE-tubbles: BROCK-lee, CARE-rats, COLLIE-flower, Green Beans, apples.
But NOT SELL-ree. Well, unless Daddy puts PEA-nut budder on it. Oh, an CHEESE. I can always hear the wrapper when Mommy’s gettin’ cheese out. An I’m ALWAYS RIGHT THERE. I also enjoy the occasional scrambled egg.
“Occasionally, Mommy says I give what she calls ATTITUDE because I do Growly Barks when I don’t get something I request. But, in all fairness to me, Bonzo, I’m just doing it to reMIND her, because I’m SURE she MEANT to give it to me, an just, you know, forgot.”
“A communication issue,” I agreed, promptly changing the subject.
“So, whaddya do for fun?” I queried.
“Well, when I first got here to my Furever Home, as a puppy, I bolted outside an ran onto what I thought was a blue blanket, but it was the POOL! That wasn’t fun, but now I’m a great swimmer.
I jump up an grab my frisbee in the air before it hits the water. Also, full disclosure, when I get The Zoomies, I jump into the shrubbery.
“When I was still a puppy, I loved to pull sox off Mommy and Daddy’s feet. I was really good at it, too. Now, me an Milo play Tug-of-War with sox.
“I usta play with Winston, a West Highland Terrier. Mommy and Daddy called him a ‘wee version of me.”’ But he moved away.
“Me an Daddy go to the IN-let. An we take our camper way down to that buncha EYE-lands called Keys (even though they totally don’t look like keys). There’s lotsa water on both sides. We also go to places called O-HI-O, an NASH-ville. It’s WAY fun. I always take Piggie.
“Also, when Daddy use to drive to people’s homes for a Very Good Project called Meals on Wheels, I got to go with him. Everybody was so nice to me. It made me feel happy. An helpful. You know?”
“I totally do,” I replied.
“I have lotsa human frens. Ack-shully, pretty much everybody’s my fren. I’m just that kinda pooch. Like Miss Midge, my groomer. I LOVE Spa Day. I relax an come out lookin’ GOOD. I even like my vet, which doesn’t happen much, accordin’ to my pooch pals. I tried to make frens with Mario. He’s one of those, whatchacallits, umm, a CAT. He declined. I did see this creature on TV one time. Called a turtle. Coolest fellow creature I ever saw. I’d like to meet an ack-shell turtle someday.
“When we go to the car wash, I always put my paws puh-litely up on the desk an say hello to Miss Kimberly. An she gives me a Treat.
“Around here, there are squirrels. An ducks. They make me a liddle nuts! I think it’s their JOB!”
I laughed. “Woof, do I know what you mean!”
Heading home, I was thinking about hansome, frenly Harvey Mushman, who, paws down, has the Cool Kibble-est name I ever heard.
