This week I once again ventured into the Still-A-Little Mysterious-To-Me world of The Cat, for an innerview with a beautiful young lady, Miss Lily O’Neal Uttaro. (AKA Punkin Face; AKA Kicky Buddha; AKA Prettiest Girl in Town.)
Lily is very shy. Very. A nice lady welcomed me an my assistant an led us to Lily’s bedroom, where she was snuggled on (ackshully, mostly under) very comfy looking blankets. Miss Lily has big green eyes anna most unusual coat, white, black an orange, all in different patterns. Even her deli-cat face had whooshes of all three colors.
“Good morning, Miss Lily,” I said in my most non-threatening, Addressing-a-Cat voice. “Thank you for agreeing to an innerview.”
“Good morning, Mr. Bonzo,” Lily replied in a soft liddle voice. “Although I haff to admit I’m a liddle nervous, I’m ackshully happy to meet you. I am Lily an this is Mary. I call her The Lady.
The Man, Carl, is elsewhere. They call me lotsa different names but you may call me Lily.”
“It is a pleasure, Miss Lily,” I replied.
“As far as I can remember, which isn’t that far, I haven’t met a Dog nose-to-nose buh-for. There’s this French Bulldog in my neighborhood who passes by my window on his Daily Walks, who scares me for some reason. I’m not sure why, tho. I’m just not a Dog Fan. But The Lady says you’re a Good Dog, an you do seem nice so far.”
“Thank you, Miss Lily,” I told her with sincerity, as I opened my notebook. “I’m eager to hear your tail, whenever you’re ready.”
Safely ensconced among her blankets, she began.
“I’m a liddle fuzzy on my earlier life. I think I must be on my second or third by now. The Lady says I hadda Ruff Start. I remember having babies, an bein’ dropped off atta place called HALO.
The humans there were very kind. I was in bad shape. I was skinny an hadda broken tooth, anna missing claw on my right pinky. They helped me get better, an I had the, umm, the No Kittens pruh-see-jure.”
“Oh, my goodness, Miss Lily,” I said. “But Thank, um, Garfield for H.A.L.O.”
“Fur sure. Anyway, about 3 years ago The Lady an The Man found me at H.A.L.O. an ’dopted me. I think this is my first house. I can’t remember bein’ inna house buh-for. At first, I slept mostly. It was all new to me.
“Now, The Lady says I feel Su-PEERY-err an maybe that’s true. I prefur thinkin’ of it as SHY.
When CUMP-ny comes, I hide under the bed or buh-hind the sofa. My first Thanksgiving here, witha buncha humans here, I was, like, NOOOOOO!!
“It took me a month to get up the courage to check out the padios. Now I have a lovely spot on the front padio bench buh-tween the beautiful orchids. I also have my own chaise lounge, where I take sun baths in the morning an hang out in the evening, keepin’ an eye on things.
“Plus, I get to watch lotsa fellow creatures: mostly birds an RAH-butts. Sometimes I stealthily creep up on ’em, but I never ackshully catch ’em.
“This one time, I saved The Lady from this gi-NOR-muss, what’s it called – Paw-MEDDO bug – that had got IN an was on the CAR-putt. I grabbed it, an finally The Man trapped it in a Solo Cup and threw it back outside, buh-for I could, you know, eat it. Which was probly best.”
“YES,” I hastily agreed. “It WAS probly best. I was wonderin’ how you got your pretty name.”
“When I got to H.A.L.O., my name was Maeve. But The Lady changed it to Lily. Her last two cats buhfore me were Luna an Lyla. So …”
“Makes sense,” I nodded. “Do you have any speshul toys?”
“Oh, yes, LOTS!”
The Lady zipped out an returned with three obviously well-loved stuffies: two liddle fluffy balls anna bigger one, all with long tails.
“These are my faves,” said Lily, “my Green Rat, my Purple Rat, and (she patted the larger one) my Blue Rat. The Lady throws um an I catch ’em.
“OOOoo, an here’s my Flyin’ Lion! Watch!”
The Lady held up a liddle toy with a lion face, then flung it into the air. In a nano second, Lily had sprung into action, nabbed it in mid-air, then calmly returned to her cozy blanket.
“Woof! That was impressive, Miss Lily,” I told her.
“Why thank you Mr. Bonzo,” she replied, daintily crossing her paws. “Yes, as much as I enjoy nappin’ an loungin’, I know the importance of exercise. The Lady finds an orchid cane (it’s sorta like a stem). Anyway, she bounces it and I bop it, an it keeps snappin’ off till it’s just a short liddle stick. WAY fun!
“PLUS, I never miss my Morning’ Zoomies, an me an The Lady chase each other all around the house. I’m faster, of course.”
“Of course,” I agree. “Do you have any favorite foodstuffs?”
“I enjoy Nulo kibbles with lotsa pro-teen an no grain. I don’t even know what grain IS. I also LOVE TOO-na. When The Lady was fixin’ speshul TOO-na salad for the Isola Art Walk (she’s an AR-dist), I was Right There, ready to help, just in case some of it accidently (on purpose) got dropped.”
“Clever,” I commented. “So, where do you sleep at night?”
“In the evening, I enjoy the sofa pillow. Then I move to the side table an sit on the recent issue of your paper, an then I go to The Lady and The Man’s room an snooze at the foot of the bed. There are also two Very Comfy blue velvet swivel chairs with down pillows I especially enjoy. Super Cozy.”
I couldn’t buh-leeve an hour had passed. Headin’ home, I was thinkin’ about lovely Lily an how, pretty soon after she began sharin’ her story, she hadn’t seemed afraid or shy at all. We were just two fellow pets talkin’ about regular stuff. Somehow, that felt Very Important.
Till next time,
