Bella Stewart is a tiny, very FEM-uh-nun Chuh-WAA-WAA, all white an only 12 pouns. She is also, without question, The Boss. She came to the door with her Mom, wearing a pretty, ruffly dress, aqua an pink with yellow daisies, anna pink bow.
She looked me up an down, then said: “Well, I guess you’re OK. You’re Mr. Bonzo, am I correct? I am Miss Bella Stewart. You may call me Miss Bella. This is my Mom, Sheila. My Dad, Mark, is elsewhere. Mom says you’ll be doing an INNER-view with me. I think you will enjoy my story. Do try not to inner-rupt.”
Stifling an urge to salute, I said, “It’s my great pleasure Miss Bella. I’ll ask questions an write your replies right here in my notebook, if that works for you.”
Miss Bella climbed daintily up an extremely Cool Kibbles flight of soft, padded stairs to the couch, an plopped down next to my assistant. “You may begin,” she said.
“Well, first off, Miss Bella, I’d just like to say your dress is very becoming. Pink is certainly your color.”
“Why, thank you, Mr. Bonzo. I think so too,” she replied. “I have quite a large wardrobe. I feel one should always present a good appearance.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” I replied. “I understand you have a fascinatin’ an unusual story to tell, so begin whenever you’re ready.”
“I know I don’t look it,” she began, crossing her paws daintily, “but I am 17 years old in human.” She pawsed, waiting for me to act surprised, I was certain. I WAS and I did.
“I’ve been with my Furever Famly for 12 anna haff years, but for my first six-anna-haff years, ever since I was a wee pupper, I was what one would call a Bar Dog.”
“Say what?”
“I know, it sounds strange. You see, my Furever Mom’s fren, Miss Kelly, was my first human mom. She got me when I was a tiny pupper, only 6 weeks old. She was great. Right from the start, she always took me to work with her, which I loved. She worked something called SHIFFS at a place called Uncle Sam’s, which was a BAR.”
“What’s a BAR?”
“It’s this place with a long sorta counter, with lotsa people sittin’ on stools all along one side, and lotsa shelves and boddles on the other side, and everybody sits around talkin’ an laughin’ an havin’ a happy time, an Miss Kelly anna a coupla other people make DRINKS for the people on the stools. I thought it was wadder at first but it’s NOT. It’s something speshell called Adult BEV-rudges. An sometimes there’s music.
“Anyway, Miss Kelly’d put me in my fluffy liddle bed at the end of the bar. I was the o-FISH-ull Bar Dog! Everyone thought I was SO Adorable. (Which I Totally WAS.) They’d come over to say HI to me, an give me pats and nose boops an sometimes SNACKS. Like an EGG. Or POPcorn. I was the Hit of the Bar!
“At home, I loved playin’ with Miss Kelly and her kids, Kayla, Chastity an Robert. But, alas, it wasn’t meant to BE.”
“Oh. No! What happened Miss Bella?”
“Well, see, Miss Kelly had SHIFFS at night a lot, an when we got home she needed to REST durin’ the DAY, an she ree-lized I wasn’t gettin’ enuff attention. So, after 6 years, she hadda make a TUFF decision. I’ll never forget: It was the day of HippyFest at Uncle Sam’s. It was a-MAZE-ing. I can’t even duh-SCRIBE it.
“Anyway, that’s when Miss Kelly planned to see if anyone wanted to adopt me. Well, Thank Lassie, my (future) Furever Mom (who I had pree-vee-usly referred to as Miss Sheila) happened to be present when Miss Kelly asked the question. Before she could even get the words outta her mouth, Miss Sheila raised her hand, an just like that, I had my Furever Home. It’s been 12 years now.”
“Woof, Miss Bella. It was Meant To Be, for sure,” I exclaimed. “So, tell me about your life now.”
“Me an Mom an Miss Kelly and the kids still communicate on Facebook, which makes all of us happy. I love kids.
“Anyway, when I first arrived here, there were two dogs in residence, a boy, Echo, anna grrrl, Kady. They were Very Big (probly about 100 times as big as me) and some would say a liddle in-TIM-uh-dating. But, Mr. Bonzo, I’m sure you won’t be suh-prized when I tell you that, as soon as I informed them that I was The Boss (an still am), we all got along great. I can bark when I haff to.”
“I don’t doubt you for a single second, Miss Bella,” I assured her.
“Ee-VEN-chully, Echo an Kady hadda go to Dog Heaven. I also had two Chuh-WAA-WAA siblings, Opie an Bubba. They also went to Dog Heaven. I really miss them, but at least now I don’t haff to share Mom’s bed. I also have seven fluffy beds throughout the house. Which are ALL MINE.
“Also” she segued, “I Don’t Do Tricks!”
That didn’t suh-prize me. At ALL. “Whaddya do for fun?”
“I very much enjoy goin’ to the beach. I recline under the umbrella, wearing my very becoming sunhat, an I NEVER go into the ackshull wadder. I also enjoy rest-runts, where I am exceedingly well buh-haved. I stay alert in case anyone should happen to drop something yum on the floor.
One time I scored haffa slice of PETE-zuh!”
“Any pet pals? Oh, an, do you like to travel?”
“I was pals with the Bar Cat, Sam, an, when we visit my human brothers, Shannon an Jody, I hang out with their pooch, Bubba.
“Travel’s Crispy Biscuits! I’ve been to Alla-BAM-uh; Coco; St. AUGUS-teen (which is very dog-frenly); also Pine Island, where we went during a HURRY-cane. We stayed at a Cool Kibbles place called Two Fish Inn, also dog-frenly, but I never ackshully SAW either one of the fish.
Pretty soon we’re goin’ to MANE. It’s way far UP.”
The hour had flown by. I smiled all the way home, picsurin’ delicate, fearless liddle Bella, Queen of all she surveys, sittin’ in her fluffy bed at the end of the bar greetin’ fans an nibblin’ an EGG.
