Woof, did I have a blast this week when I innerviewed The Heyward Cats, a group of 5 guys who are Livin’ the Life with their Furever Family.
Coinci-DEN-ully, the oldest Heyward cat, Hector, a tidy gray Tuxedo, was one of the first cats I ever met.
He’s retired now, pushin’ 15 (a LOT for cats), an he mostly naps in his chair on the luh-NYE or on any available lap; but back in The Day (Toosday, I buh-leeve it was) he taught me a lotta Helpful Basic Cat Stuff.
Pre-Hector, I had always thought of cats as mysterious an uh-LOOF, an I was pretty sure they could stare into my eyes and know EVERYTHING I was thinkin’. Now, thanks to Hector, I understand cats way better, and ackshully have lotsa cat frens.
Soon as me an my assistant stepped through the door, a black-an-white Tuxedo cat padded up. (That’s what cats do: they PAD.)
Of course, there was no Wag-an-Sniff, just the purr-FUNK-tory Sniff-an-Size-Up on his part.
“Hello, Mr. Bonzo! Come IN. I’m Conrad. Hector retired an passed the Spokescat Torch to me.
I’m gonna be only ONE in MAY but I’m VERY gruh-GARY-us! This is our mamma, Marilyn. An THIS is our dad, Papa Ben.”
As Conrad ushered us to a comfy sofa, a pair of orange-an-white cats padded up.
“Meet Tobie an Aubie!” Conrad said. “They’re not ruh-lated, but they’re both 11. This is Aubie!” Conrad pointed to the fluffier one. “An, Tobie’s behind that chair.” He pointed. “He’s kinda shy.”
“A pleasure, Aubie!”
“Likewise,” Aubie replied, curling up on a nearby cat bed.
“Aubie,” Conrad explained, “is sorta Mr. Mom to Hector. Isn’t that SO sweet?”
“Awww, that IS sweet,” I agreed, turnin’ to Aubie. “You’re a great ex-zampull to fellow pets!”
“Thank you, Mr. Bonzo. I’m learnin’ a lot of what’s called WIZZ-dum, from Hector. He’s on his 9th life so, to us cats, he’s one of the Ancients, Very Wise.”
I noticed an orange-an-while tail sticking out from behind a chair, an vigorously swishing back an forth. I figured Tobie was attached.
“Hi Tobie!” I said to the chair.
Suddenly this big ball of fur came flyin’ into the room and pounced smack on toppa Conrad, an the two began tumblin’ about on the floor inna fluffy flurry, doin’ that back-legs bumpin’ thing cats do, an rollin’ some more, locked in Mortal Combat, it seemed to me.
“What the Woof!” I exclaimed, wondering if I should DO something. But buh-for long, the two stopped tumblin’, untangled themselves, and Conrad said, “Oh sorry, Bonz. Meet Cooper. He’s a Ragdoll. We’re Total Besties. He’s pretty laid back, ackshully.”
“With occasional lapses,” I thought to myself.
“A pleasure, Mr. Bonzo,” Cooper said. “See, I’m only 2. When I came along, I just wanted to PlayPlayPlay, but Aubie and Tobie and ’speshully Hector, were older, way past the Kitten Faze. I mean, they love me an all, but they were NOT interested in Don-to-Dust PlayPlayPlay.”
“SO,” innerjected Conrad, “that’s when Mamma said they should adopt another cat as a playmate for Cooper. They were in Petsmart getting some LIDDER, an there I was, up for uh-DOP-shun.
Me an Cooper hit it off right away, cuz we’re both preddy kitten-y. Like, we love rollin’ all over Mamma an Papa’s bed. An, I gotta admit, we’re Lizard-pated, like Papa Ben says. We chase ’em when they get on the pool screen.
“I speshully get sometimes WAY excited, bein’ still a pupper. Papa Ben calls me the Master of Disaster but, in my own duh-fence, I’m not Destructive, I’m just a liddle Clunky. I just sorta knock stuff over, and scatter stuff around. Um, an I guess I sorta scarff my food so fast I hafta eat in the bathroom so I don’t polish off everybody’s food.”
“We’re also Kitchen Super-visers. We always watch Papa Ben cook. Speshully when BACON is involved,” added Cooper.
“An I’M O-FISH-ull Morning Greeter,” Conrad continued. “Soon as I hear the coffee pot beep, I know it’s time for Papa Ben to escort me in to Mamma, to present her morning coffee an let her worship me, as is my DOO.”
“We’re kinda Coffee Snobs,” innerjected Cooper. “See, we grow our own BEENS, an everything! Well, we don’t ackshully DRINK it, but we super-vise, AN we get to SMELL it. It’s pretty Cool Catnip.”
“Woof, that IS Cool Catnip,” I agreed.
Then, out from behind the chair emerged Tobie.
“Good day, Mr. Bonzo. I’m Tobie. I have no wish to be ROOD. It’s just that I have always been a bit of a loner. Just sorta shy, as Aubie said.
“Each an every evening, all five of us gather in the Famly Room with Mamma an Papa Ben an watch TV. It’s quite pleasant. Humans call it QUA-liddy Time. It’s also usually when Mamma grooms all five of us with this Extremely Cool Catnip thingy called a Zoom Groom. It feels PAWsome! We take turns. Plus, it’s fun to toss the Zoom Groom about. Cooper’s great at that.”
“Oh, an,” said Cooper, “not to brag but, we do consider ourselves Music Critics. You see, Papa Ben plays that big white in-stru-mutt in the corner called a pie-AN-oh, WE use it to sleep on, but Papa Ben plays music on it by hittin’ a long line of liddle black an white thingys. We lke Papa Ben’s music. An he also teaches human STOO-dents on other kinds of in-stru-mutts. When we hear this one in-struh-mutt called, umm, what is that liddle one called, Conrad”?
“I think the last name is Lynn. Something Lynn,” he replied.
“OK, so, anyway, when the STOO-dent plays that Lynn one, we RUN. As you can see, us cats have kinda big, open ears which scoop up a lotta sounds. But that other one, it’s called a Jello, we like that sound, so we don’t run.”
Heading home, I was feelin’ very glad that Hector had taken the time to explain cats to me all those years ago, an helped me understand how important it is to take the time to learn about fellow creatures in spee-cees other than your own, an maybe see the world from a new and interestin’ purr-spective.
