I would just like to say – WOOF!
My innerviewee this week is Walter Heskel, a quite pleasant, charming an gracious poocheroo. But I gotta admit I was a liddle, umm, well, I guess you could say ‘In AWE’ the first time we met.
See, Walter is a 140-pound Bull Mastiff, muscle from stem to stern. I don’t know if you’ve ever met a Bull Mastiff in The Fur, but, they are BIG. Very BIG. An No Nonsense-lookin’: No Fluff. No Standy-Uppy Ears. No Cute Waggy Liddle Tail. Altho Walter looks in-TIM-uh-dating, he’s ackshully laid back, a liddle shy, an very soft-spoken.
Me an my assistant met Walter at his place of bizness, where he works every day with his Dad, who is a people doctor. A nice lady escorted us back to Walter’s office.
“Good morning, Mr. Bonzo!” Walter said as he approached for the Wag-an-Sniff. (He totally LOOOMED over me, an I un-ob-TRUE-sively braced myself so as not to topple over.)
Walter is light cream/gold with a head the size of a Teacup Chuh-Waa-Waa: black ears an nose, big black wiffles floppin’ down dramatically on each side of his nose, raccoony black mask around his eyes, an a very earnest expression. TRAY impressive.
“Welcome to my office. It USE to be my dad’s office,” he explained. “I’m SO excited you’re gonna innerview ME. An use my phodo, also, right? This is my dad, Neil. I call him Pop. My Mom’s Christy. I call her Bunn. She’s elsewhere.”
“Delighted to meet you both,” I said, lookin’ up into his nose-trills. “Yep, we’ll definitely use your phodo. Probly sittin’ right there in your Cool Kibbles Chair.”
“It USE to be my dad’s chair. So, make yourself comf-tubble,” he said, as he settled himself into his soft, comfy-lookin’ red-an-blue flowery lounge chair, an I opened my notebook.
“So, how’d you find your Furever Famly?”
“OK, so, Pop an Bunn had a pree-vious pooch, Duke, who uh-ventually hadda go to Dog Heaven.
After about six months, Pop an Bunn ree-lized it was Time to find another pooch. Bunn works with a Bull Mastiff Rescue group an they do transport. There was a private breeder on the West Coast. Pop an Bunn applied an finally obtained ME! I was still a liddle pupper (well, liddle for my breed, anyway). I was about 16 weeks old, an about 23 pounds.”
“Woof, Walter, that’s bigger than some poocheroos EVER get!”
“I KNOW! Right? See, us Bull Mastiffs started in a totally nother country – ENG-land – about 200 people years ago, cuz the humans needed big, strong pooches to guard their big ol’ homes and forests an keep bad guys called, um, poachers, from stealing their deers an RAH-butts, which people use to call GAME, but I don’t know why.”
“That’s Seriously Crispy Biscuits, Walter!” I exclaimed. “I guess there’s not much call for that these days, tho.”
“Troo. Ackshully, I wouldn’t know a deer if I tripped over one. I’m a preddy laid back kinda pooch. I hardly ever bark. Even when I get barked at by fellow pooches, I don’t bark back. But I would totally protect my famly if they were in Stranger Danger. I know I could summon up a Big Scary Growl or even a Fuh-ROW-shus Bark. Plus, as you might have noticed, I do look a liddle, well, I guess you could say, in-TIM-uh-dating.”
“Yes, you’d sure give me Paws if I was a Bad Guy,” I hastened to agree. “So, what was it like with your Furever Famly right at first?”
“I was happy right away! I love Bunn an Pop! They got me all new stuff: you know – bed, food an wader bowls, stuff like that. An I think I was preddy well buh-aved – for a pupper. I didn’t chew the furniture. Altho, full disclosure, I did tend to, well, move it around. One time I jumped on the sofa. An it broke.”
“So, do you have any fave toys? How ‘bout swimmin’? An, do you travel?” I inquired.
“Ackshully, Pop’s patients are always askin’ about me, an givin’ me liddle pats, an sometimes bringin’ me GIFFS. My faves are my stuffy moose, my stuffy pineapple an Lambchop! I usually stay here in my office durin’ the day but, on occasion, I sneak out an go up front to say hi.
“I DON’T like swimmin’. Haven’t ever, don’t WANT to. I’m not a fan of baths either, but I don’t have a choice.
“I’ve only travelled back an forth to Orlando, when we visit my sister Melissa an her dog, Max, he’s a rescue. I jus’ lay on the floor of the truck an snooze all the way there an back.”
“Do you have any fave foodstuffs?” I asked.
“Well, I have kinda a sensitive stumm-uck so I haff to eat speshull kibbles; an, my Total Favrite, WADDERmelon, which I get after dinner. If Pop an Bunn forget, I gently nudge Pop’s leg to remind him. We get our wadermelons in Sebastian and they always save a speshull one for me.
“I also get a Hard-Boiled Egg every morning. If Pop an Bunn forget THAT, I BUG them till they remember.
“AN,” Walter added, “I buh-leeve in Good Oral High-jean. I always get a speshull Greenie Dental Treat after dinner.”
“How about speshull pooch an human frens,” I inquired.
“I think maybe, because of my, you know, size an all, an cuz I work all day, I don’t have lots of pooch pals, other than Max,” Walter replied. “I’d say, my fave humans, other than famly, are Miss Beth, Miss Ronda, Miss Kaitie an Miss Cheyenne, right here in the office. I think there is a possibility I might be just the teeniest bit, well, spoiled,” Walter added with a grin.
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about charming Walter, a true Gentle Giant, who loves his Stuffy Moose, an waddermelon, an buh-leeves in Good Oral Hygiene.
Till next time,
