Isla Reece McAllister is a beautiful, well-bred, Shetland Sheep Dog, sweet, welcoming, an also playful; an ab-so-woofin’-LOOT-ly NOT a Snobnose. EYE-luh is, as she puts it, “a Woman of a Certain Age.” (Of course, I’d NEVER ask.)
As my assistant rang the bell, I un-ob-TROO-sively fluffed my ruff, straightened my collar, an cleared my throat.
The door opened an there she stood next to a frenly lady, long sable coat shining, white ruff glowing.
She pranced gracefully up for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“Well, good morning, Mr. Bonzo! I’m EYE-luh McAllister, an this is my Nanoo, Suzanne. My Poppo’s Craig. DO come IN!”
“Ummm,” I said, suavely, relieved she’d said her name (I wudda mis-pruh-nounced it, for sure).
“YES! Good morning, Miss EYE-luh! I’m Bonzo an this is my assistant. It’s a PLEASURE!”
We got comf-tubble onna sunny porch, EYE-luh arrangin’ herself buh-tween her Mom an my Assistant.
“May I offer you a SNACK? Some WADDer, perhaps?”
“Oh, no thank you, Miss EYE-luh. I’m SO eager to hear your tail. You’re a Snowbirddog, I buh-leeve?”
“That I am. Sorta by happenstance,” she replied.
“How so?”
“Well, you see, my Furever Mom an Dad (Bailey an Brooks) obtained me when I was still a pup.
Mom had always had Labs, but Dad wanted a Sheltie (that’s my breed’s nickname). So Dad showed Mom pickshurs of Shelties an even took her to my breeder to see for herself. Well, the instant she saw Me in the Fur, I was her Baby. I was ’spose to be a Show Grrrl, but I didn’t qualify because of my crooked teeth.”
“Soggy Biscuits!” I sympathized.
“Ackshully, it turned out for The Best!” she replied. “The three of us were livin’ in an apartmutt in a town called San-Fran-SIS-co, which is as far away from here as you can go without fallin’ into the O-shun. (They have an O-shun just like we do.)
“Anyway, it was just us three at first but, then Mom an Dad had pups, or, rather, liddle human kids. I loved them right away but, alas, we began to ree-lize I have Delicate Sensibilities; I’m not what you’d call a bouncy, tumbly grrrl. I’m ack-shully rather tender an timid, an, try as I might, I kept getting’ more an more stressed. Finally, it just became too much for me, so my famly decided, even tho it made us sad at first, I would do better with Nanoo an Poppo, who lived in Cape Cod, which is a real pretty place on THIS O-cean in a state called Mass-uh-CHEW-sits. So we FLOO! Inna PLANE. Do you know what that is?”
“Yes, but I’ve never been IN one,” I replied.
“Well, I hadda take a PILL first, an I sorta fell over inna STOO-per. I sat with Nanoo an Poppo so it wasn’t THAT bad. Plus, I was basically OUT. Anyway, since we moved to here, we go back-an-forth inna CAR, which is WAY better. I have my own liddle NOOK, an I am Very Well Buh-haved. Same here, at home. I’m allowed to sit on ALL the furniture, becuz I’m re-SPON-subble an well-groomed.”
“I have no doubt of that!” I said.
“Now that I’m not stressed,” EYE-luh continued, “I enjoy meeting humans an other Dogs, altho I’m still mostly quiet an what humans call Low Key. However, I DO occasionally get The ZOOMIES.”
“Woof, Miss EYE-luh, I can’t even PICK-shur that,” I exclaimed. “What do you do for fun? Do you swim? Any favrite pooch or other kinda pets?”
She laughed. “I KNOW. I’m pretty MEH about stuffies an balls an frisbees. An I don’t like swimming. Nanoo attempted to teach me. She held me gently an sloshed me around in the pool a few times, but I didn’t, you know, love it. (An you wouldn’t buh-leave what it did to my COAT.
It gives me the willies even THINKING about it.) I DO love the beach, tho. But I only put my tippy-toes in the sudsy part where the waves whoosh up. Back in San-Fran-SIS-co, when I was puppy-ish, I an several pooch frens’d run an play in the park. THAT was fun! We were all pooped an slobbery when we were done.
“Even though they are a Traditional Pooch Staple, Leash Walks are NOT on MY to-do list.
Nanoo tried but it was, as she put it, more of a Balk than Walk. However, I AM a herder at heart so, on occasion, I HERD Nanoo and Poppo, an they really to try keep up with my pace.”
She allowed herself a small laugh, then continued.
“A while back, Poppo was teaching me to chase squirrels, as an Activity. I was good at it, but it got a liddle boring so I quit. I expect the squirrels don’t miss me one bit.”
She smiled, flashing her crooked teeth, which I thought were quite charming.
“All in all,” Eye-luh continued, “I like seeing the world through my eyes: peaceful and quiet. You know what I mean, Mr. Bonzo?”
“Indeed I do, Miss EYE-luh.”
“Anyway,” she continued, “my besties these days, let me think: probly Rory, he’s a Sheltie like me. An Ant Lulu up in MANE has a CAT, Maxine. We’ve met a few times but we’re both kind of ‘Whatever,’ if you know what I mean.”
I nodded. (There’s much to be said for peaceful co-existence, doncha think?)
“So, Miss EYE-luh,” I segued, “do you have any favrite foodstuffs?”
“YES! It’s ALL my favrite! I call my food NUMMIES! Twice a day plus TREATS! However, alas, my breed is particularly sensitive to collie-stair-all, I think it’s called, so we must watch our weight. I weigh twenny-two-anna-haff pounds now, which is about right. Since ackshully herding SHEEP isn’t in my Life Plan, I must really pay atten-shun. I eat broccoli an asparagus an speshull kibbles; an the yummy-yet-healthy treats Poppo hides, for me to find.”
Headin’ home, I could clearly understand why lovely, introspective Miss EYE-luh wasn’t disappointed that she couldn’t be a Show Grrrl. With her gentle doganality an love of peace and quiet, she’s exactly where she’s s’pose to be.
Till next time,