This week’s innerview-EE, Lilo Goldin, is an unusual pet with a VERY unusual Tail. He’s a cat: well, still mostly kitten. (I know it doesn’t SOUND unusual: I’ve innerviewed several cats over the years.) But wait’ll you hear his tail.
Me an my assistant knocked on Lilo’s door an a frenly man came out to say hello an ask us to please zip right in while he held the door in case Lilo alluva sudden decided to zip out.
So we zipped in. A liddle walkway led to a really pretty fenced-in garden, from which this VERY FLUFFY, VERY HAN-SUM cat strolled up. He was mostly all white, with darker mittens anna Exceedingly Impressive Tail about as big as some of my mini pooch pals. He had darker fluff on his face and the tip of his tail, an Big Round Blue Eyes. He didn’t seem afraid at all of me bein’ a dog, like some cats are cuzza IN-stinks.
“Hallo,” he said inna frenly way. “I know you’re Mr. Bonzo cuz my GranMeowMa Sharon told me.
That’s her. An that’s my GranMeowPa Steve.”
Lilo pointed a paw at the nice man anna lady nex to him.
“It’s a pleasure meetin’ you all,” I said, as my assistant rooted about in The Satchel, produced some duh-LISH-to-cats Hairball Greenies an deli-cat-ly placed ’em on the couch. They vanished instantly, whereupon Lilo stuffed his entire head into The Satchel seeking some more. He got the OK, dispatched a couple of additional Greenies, an we all settled in. Well, ackshully, Lilo’s GranMeowPa exited to watch a Football Game cuz it was a speshul football day.
“I am TRAY excited to hear your Tail, Lilo. You can start whenever you’re ready.”
“OK. Jus so you know, I never did this buh-fore. I ackshully never met a dog buh-fore. I never did lotsa stuff cuz I’m not even one yet. I use to be four pouns an now I’m EIGHT whole pouns. An GranMeowMa sez I’m gonna get Much More Pouns.
“See, I’m a Siberian Blue Tabby an I was born in Georgia, which is a country WAY far away from here. It USE to be part of a Big Place called RUSH-uh.”
“WOOF!” I exclaimed. “How’dja get here?”
Lilo took a big breath an so did I.
“It started when my MeowMom an MeowDad (who I haven’t met yet in the fur cuz they live in Huh-WHY-ee, but we FaceTime every day) wanted a Siberian Blue Tabby kitten an found me On The Line. I was still drinkin’ Mommy Milk. When we were old enough, me an my twin brother Felix got put inna comfy liddle cun-TAINER, an then us anna human called Dimitri (he’s an O-FISH-ul Cat Currier) floo inna Big Sorta BURD with seats. We went all the way to a place called JFK, then Dimitri drove us all the way to here an dropped me off, an then Dimitri drove Felix down to Miami to his Furever home an then …”
I had to innerupt. “I’m confused! I mean, how come you got dropped off here if your MeowMa-an-Dad are in Huh-WHY-ee?”
“Oh, I forgot that part. GranMeowMa says there’s lotsa paperwork and speshull tests I hafta do at the cat dockter before I can be in Huh-WHY-ee.”
“Why?”
“GranMeowMa says it’s cuz Huh-WHY-ee is the only state of all the states that doesn’t have ANY of that Very Bad, Scary duh-zeez called RAY-bees, an it wants to be sure it never, ever does.”
“I didn’t know that. That’s preddy smart.”
“I think so, too. AN, another reason I got dropped off here is cuz my Furever MeowMom-an-Dad are gonna havva BAY-bee preddy soon. A human one. I’m gonna havva Liddle Human Brother!
I’m VERY excited! So I’m bein’ FOSS-tered by GranMeowMa an GranMeowDad till after he arrives. Then probly GranMeowMa will take me on one of those BURDS to Huh-WHY-ee.
“Ooo, an, guess what Mr. Bonzo, I’m gonna get to meet my Second Dog, since you’re the first.
He’s Percy, and he’s gonna be my pooch brother. My MeowMa told me on FaceTime that he likes cats. PLUS, I’m gonna meet my human cousin Leo, preddy soon, I hope. He’s a baby human an his Daddy is Uncle Gregg.”
“That’s an uh-MAY-zing tail so far, Lilo. Cool Kibbles name, by the way. How’d you get it?”
“Well, at first my name was Faulkner. I dunno why. So my new MeowMa thought maybe she’d change it to Zinga, but finally chose Lilo, which I really like.”
“Me too! It suits you,” I told him, thinking to myself, “Woof, that was a close one.”
Suddenly Lilo, who’d been sittin’ next to my assistant, leaped into the air, landed, said, “’Scuse me please, I feel the Zoomies comin’ on,” and, with that, preddy much FLEW around the entire garden/padio, jumpin’ behind and through bushes an over stuff. Really fast. Returning to the seats, he batted at the jumpy burd-onna-stick his GranMeowMa was bouncin’, then settled back down.
“So, um, what’s your typical day like?” I asked.
“I love pouncin’ on’ my Scratchin’ Post an pruh-tendin’ I’m a Fuh-ROW-shus Lion. Also Nappin’ on the nightstand, or GranMeowMa-an-Dad’s bed or a kitchen chair or the bathroom sink. Every mornin’ I help GranMeowMa wake up by wiggling under the covers and makin’ biscuits.
“In Georgia, Siberian Blue Tabbies like me like walkin’ onna leesh with a harness. So far I don’t mind the harness that much, but I’m not so sure about the leesh.”
“Whaddya like to eat?”
“I love chiggen livvers and TOO-na an sammon an sar-DEENS. GranMeowMa mixes ’em with kibbles an sometimes chopped-up veg-tubbles. I also PURR a lot,” he added randomly. “All the time, GranMeowMa says. I guess it’s troo. I don’t know why cats purr. Do you, Mr. Bonzo?”
I didn’t but, I plan to Google it.
Headin’ home, I was thinkin’ about fluffy, sweet Lilo, an what an amazin’ tail he already has to tell, even tho he’s still a kitten. An about his nex chapter, with his furever Family in Huh-WHY-ee. Also about too-na.
