Herschel Henry Lomascolo is a hansome Golden Re-TREE-ver who looks totally grown up but he’s ackshully still a pupper: a frenly, happy, ee-ger-for-what’s-next pupper, just 9 months in human.
Since Herschel’s learning a new an excitin’ job, me an my assistant met him an his Mom at their workplace, Rosewood MAG-nut school.
We knocked on a Big Important-lookin’ Green Door: It opened an there Herschel was, a frenly lady was holdin’ his leash, an he greeted us with enthusiasm an swishin’ of his long, fluffy tail. Following the Wag-an-Sniff, I innerduced myself an my assistant. “A pleasure, Herschel Henry,” I said.
“I’m so excited to meet you, Mr. Bonzo,” he replied. “You can call me Herschel. This is my human BFF, Miss Suzanne.” Another lady appeared an took the leash. “An this is my Mom, Jennifer. My Dad’s Jeff. He’s Elsewhere.
“I also have human brothers an sisters: Corey, Lucie, Ethan, Corinne, Colton an Gabe, they’re mostly all grown-ups. PLUS Grandaddy Tom an Grammy Jeannie; Sophia and Simone, they’re 3 (which isn’t that much in human); an Gramma Mary Ann an PopPop John.”
“Woof, Super Crispy Biscuits famly!” I exclaimed.
“I KNOW, right?” he replied. “Come’on, we’ll go sit in mine an Mom’s office,” he added, leadin’ the way.
I’d expected to see a whole buncha human kids all over the place but there wasn’t even one.
“It’s so quiet,” I observed. “Aren’t there ’spose to be lotsa liddle kids runnin’ around?”
“Not now, Mr. Bonzo,” Herschel replied puh-litely, “cuzza it bein’ Summer Vay-cay. Mostly just Mom an Me an PRIN-zubble Faust an teachers an some other humans called STAFF are here in summer, an the kids at Day Camp. But they’re not in here.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that,” I said.
We got situated at a liddle round table, I got out my notebook, an my assistant (after obtaining permission) fished around in The Satchel for a couple of large-dog-sized treats.
Herschel assisted with the fishin’ around, enjoyed his treats, then settled himself comf-tubbly in his Mom’s lap. I was a liddle suh-prized since, as an almost full-grown, 67-pound Golden Re-TREE-ver, Herschel was very much NOT your typical lap dog, an his Mom had basically vanished from view, except for her legs an the top of her head.
“Mom says I have no sense of Personal Space an that I’m a Velcro Dog,” Herschel said. “I don’t know what that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing.”
“I’m positive it is, Herschel,” I told him with a smile. “I can’t wait to hear how you and your Furever Famly found each other, an also all about your daily life an your new job.”
“It’s So Excitin’, Mr. Bonzo,” Herschel said proudly. “See, my Mom’s the Assistant PRIN-zubble an I am the Assistant Assistant PRIN-zubble. It’s a Very Important Job.”
“Woof, Herschel! That is Seriously Cool Kibbles! Congrats!”
“Thanks, Mr. Bonzo, I’m gonna do my best!” Herschel replied, breakin’ into a big, happy Golden Re-TREE-ver Smile, then continuing his tail.
“Mom had always had Golden Re-TREE-vers, an the Golden they had buh-for me, Huckleberry, unexpectedly hadda go to Dog Heaven, even tho he was only 7. Everybuddy was sad, an their other pooch, Ellie Mae, didn’t have a playmate anymore. Mom looked an looked for The Right Golden for Ellie Mae, an finally found ME. I was a bran new pupper at a breeder inna place called Bun-L.
“Even though Ellie Mae didn’t go with Mom an Dad to pick me up, we bonded soon as I arrived. She’s a great Big Sister. We’re about the same size now, but she’s wider, an I’m taller. We play a lot, but she gets pooped when I’m still, ya know, puppyin’ around. An were mostly great at sharin,’ spechully the Bark Box that we get duh-livered right to our house once a month. There’s always 2 toys and 2 treats. Isn’t that so excitin’?”
“Totally,” I agreed, makin’ a mental note-to-self. “So, do you have any favrite foodstuffs, or toys? Any speshul human or pooch frens?”
“Oooo, yes! Carrots! Crunchy Carrots! An Mom’s Homemade Pupcakes! They’re apples, an honey an peanut budder. SUPER Duh-LISH! An I love playin’ catch/ree-treeve with balls or toys.
“My fave pooch pals are Grammy Jeannie’s French bulldog Louie, who’s a cool liddle dude; an my Golden ReTREEver neighbors Zoe an Chase. An all the dogs at the dog park.
Ackshully, Mr. Bonzo, I preddy much love everybuddy, humans an pooches.
“Ooo, an I’m really proud that I did super good in my classes at Petsmart: Puppy class, Inner-mediate an Advanced. An MANNERS: They’re a big thing with humans, an I have ’em!
Cool Kibbles, doncha think?”
“Abso-woofin’-lutely!” I agreed. “Way to go! Since you’re a Re-TREE-ver an all, you must love swimmin’, right?”
“Umm, well, no not really. I never go in the pool, unless I’m on my Floaty. An I totally don’t like all those bubbles and stuff at the ocean. I do enjoy playin’ in the sand an watchin’ the birds. Just not the water part. It’s also fun watchin’ the ducks on our pond, an those long-leggedy birds, what are they called? Umm, Sandal Crayons, I think. I bark at them. I don’t think they care, tho.
“When I’m tired of playin’, I like to chill watchin’ TV. My favrite show recently is watchin’ a human lady, Simone Biles. She’s practicin’ for a big human game called the o-LIMP-icks, an she can ackshully FLY, Mr. Bonzo! I’ve SEEN it! It’s uh-MAZE-zing!”
I was havin’ such a fun time listenin’ to Herschel’s tails, I didn’t realize an hour had gone by.
Headin’ home, I was still smilin’ thinking of Herschel an the Sandal Crayons. An about Pup Cakes. I wonder if my Gramma has the recipe. An thinkin’ perhaps I’ll drop a liddle hint about the Bark Box.
