This week I got to hang out with a sorta new NAY-bur pooch who just moved in recently with another nay-bur pooch, Vito, who I innerviewed a while back, so the innerview took a liddle longer than usual cuz we kept yappin’ about Dog Stuff and gettin’ off track.
Anyway, the newbee is a pretty liddle grrrl, Rita Nute, who looks just like an adorable, squishy-face pug all the way, I thought.
Vito was out in his yard waitin’ for us, with the perky liddle Pug not far behind.
“Hey, Bonz, Sup? It’s been a minute,” Vido said, then, “Meet the newest member of our household, Miss Rita Nute.” Wag-an-Sniffs ensued.
“You remember my Mom, Linda,” Vido said, and Miss Rita piped in, “An this is my Mom, Maureen,”
“Cool Kibbles!” I said. “So, Miss Rita, how did you get to be in this famly?”?
“Well, see, Momma Maureen lived up inna place called vurr-GIN-yuh, an she had two Pug poocheroos, Regina an Stella, who had gone to Dog Heaven so, when she got through bein’ Very Sad, she wanted to get another pug.”
“Sounds like a wise move,” I concurred.
“Totally! But Mamma Linda said it’d probly be better to wait till she came down to here. So that’s what she did. An it was a good thing, too, or she never wudda met ME.
“So Mamma Maureen an Mamma Linda an Vedo went onna MISH-un to find THE Dog.
They were at the H.A.L.O. shelter up in Sebastian an lookin’ an lookin’ an lookin,’ and the shelter person said they hadda pug who was what’s called an Owner Surrender. Well, it took Mamma Maureen, an Momma Linda, like, a NANO second to realize I was THE ONE. I was very excited AN ree-leeved.
“The nex day, when all the Puh-TEN-shull Pet Parent questions an paperwork were com-PLEET, Momma Maureen and Mamma Linda came to collect me. My new Pooch Big Brother Vedo came too cuz, as Momma Linda says, ‘He’s a member of the famly an he has a say, too!’
Which is totally Crispy Biscuits, doncha think?”
“Totally,” I agreed.
“Anyway. I was SO egg-cited, anna liddle ank-shus, hopin’ Vedo’d like me, but, soon as we spotted each other, Vido came right up, all frenly, for the Wag-an-Sniff, an said, ‘Hey, Miss Rita! Welcome to the famly!’ He gave me a puh-lite liddle nose bump, Momma Maureen picked me up – I don’t DO crates – an my pawsome new life had begun! I was totally fascinated at first, but also a liddle bit stand-offish, but not for long.”
“That is SO Crispy Biscuits!” I said. “So, what’s your day like. Got any fave toys? Foodstuffs?”
“STUFFIES! I love stuffies! An Guess What? Stella also liked stuffies an she never, ever ripped ’em to shreds or anything: They were all still in-TACKED, so I get to have ’em! It’s a famly truh-DISH-un! My fave’s a stuffy eyeball!”
As I pondered that, Rita continued. “I also like playin’ Catch with it. Vedo likes chasin’ squirrels, but I’m basically meh. Although it amazes me how they walk on the toppa the fents an don’t topple off or anything! I’m still learnin’ about lizards out on the padio. (They’re speedie liddle twirps.) ALSO, I just saw my first SNAKE! It was, like, wigglin’ its way up what Momma Maureen called a DOWN sprout.”
“EEEooo, what did you DO?” I queried. I mean, I KNOW snakes are fellow CREEchures an all, but they creep me out. (I have this THING about fellow creatures with no feet or legs or chins, that resemble a garden hose an SLITHER.)
But I digress.
“Nice pool, by the way,” I commented. “I spose you swim?”
“No! I DO NOT! I don’t like wadder ’cept to slurp.
“Vedo does cuzza bein’ more BOY-unt. Us Pug types pretty much SINK. Plus, it messes up my hair. Mamma Maureen tried ploppin’ me into the pool a coupla times but I’m like, GET ME OUTTA HERE!”
“What I DO like are Leash Walks! Me an Vedo an our other neighbor Pooch Pal, Eirie (she’s a pug like ME), an HER Momma, Susan, go for Leash Walks once or twice Every Day.
“Eirie’s Mom sometimes can’t go with us, so Mamma Maureen walks all two, an sometimes all three of us. We’re all pretty much the same size and color an we are VERY well buh-haved. We call ourselves the Three Pooch-keteers. It’s called a TREE-o. Humans think we’re adorable, which we Totally ARE. (Speshully ME, cuz I bounce-walk.)”
“By the way, Mr. Bonzo, did I menshun my name use to be Rosie. But it wasn’t, you know, ME. So me an our Mommas decided on Rita (after a famly member, which I think is an HONOR).”
“That is SO nice!” I agreed.
“Oh – this is funny – one time our Mammas decoded to check our backgrounds to see what kinda pooches we came from. Well, I look totally pug, an that was first on the list but, get THIS: My results said I also have had a liddle Pekingese, chow, Shih tzu, Collie, Boston Terrier an – get THIS – one purr-cent Rott weiler!!”
“WHA-at?”
“I know! Right, she said, an we both laughed.
“An, you probly know how some humans get lotsa clothes and hats an stuff for their pooches.
An lotsa pooches are OK with it. Well, me and Vedo DO NOT WEAR CLOTHES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. We don’t wanna be rude or anything but … we feel it is non-negotiable. Our Mommas tried an tried. They got us matching red-an-black PJ’s; an reindeer ears at Chritmas. An we heard that, one time, Stella even had a hot dog-inna-bun costume. I mean, can you even buh-LEEVE it?”
I was pickshurin’ a pooch inna hot-dog-inna-bun costume, withut fallin’ over inna heap laughin’.
Headin’ home, I was laughin’ to myself, pick-shurin’ the three Pooch-keteers, happily bouncin’ along on their daily leash walks.
