Life throws all of us curve balls. But according to Mayo Clinic, the more resilient we are, the better able we will be to cope with those tough events when they appear. If something bad happens, you may still feel anger, grief and pain, but you’ll be able to keep going, both physically and psychologically.
Dr. Karrol-Jo Foster, who has a Ph.D. in counseling education and is an LMHC (licensed mental health counselor), works with a wide range of clients at her practice, Fostering Resilience, in Vero Beach.
She says, “Resilience is our ability to bounce back from adversity. Essentially, it’s what allows us to experience and move through difficult emotions.”
There are several types of resilience.
- Psychological resilience is the ability to cope with or adapt to uncertainty, challenges and adversity. It is sometimes referred to as “mental fortitude.”
- Emotional resilience – how people cope with feelings resulting from stress and adversity – varies from person to person. A situation can trigger a flood of emotions in some people and not in others.
- Physical resilience refers to the body’s ability to adapt to challenges, maintain stamina and strength, and recover quickly and efficiently. It’s a person’s ability to function and recover when faced with illness, accidents or other physical demands.
- Community resilience is the ability of groups of people to respond to and recover from adverse situations, such as natural disasters, acts of violence, economic hardship and other challenges.
Dr. Foster explains that if these abilities appear to be easier for some than others, it is because resilience is significantly influenced by a complex combination of biology and conditioning.
LifeDNA, a company offering DNA-based health and wellness services, published an article explaining that it’s crucial to understand that genetics alone does not determine resilience.
The ability of a person to adapt and overcome obstacles is also greatly influenced by environmental circumstances, lifestyle decisions and social support. Genetics only serves as a starting point for resilience, and even the best genes do not ensure immunity to life stressors.
Dr. Foster says, “Resilience is a skill that you can learn through consistent practice. Like any other muscle, our mental and emotional muscles grow stronger through exercise.”
She suggests these four practices to exercise and strengthen your resilience muscles:
Gratitude – To gain more strength in your ability to access powerful thoughts like gratitude, you need to do more than just think about it. Journaling three to five things you’re grateful for every day will start to strengthen a new neuropathway in your brain.
Contemplate the alternative perspective – No matter what the experience, there are always multiple ways to interpret our experience that is greatly influenced by the conditioning of our mindset or what Dr. Foster refers to as our “lens.” The way one person interprets an event may be through a very different lens than another.
Seek the silver lining – This practice is done in retrospect. Taking time to journal about difficult experiences from a compassionate perspective and contemplating how you’ve grown from that experience and other potential benefits will increase your ability to access productive, strength-based thoughts in the future.
Savor the positive moments – This is a resilience exercise you practice in the moment, purposefully practice savoring the positive moments. Due to the nature of our brains being programmed for survival and not happiness, we generally spend much more time reflecting on negative and hurtful events in our lives in an attempt to stay safe than we do positive events.
Everyday Health offers the following additional things to work on, either by yourself or with professional help:
- Develop self-awareness.
- Build self-regulation skills.
- Learn coping skills.
- Increase optimism.
- Strengthen connections.
- Know your strengths.
For people who want to raise resilient children, the American Psychological Association suggests teaching them to:
- Make connections – Teach your child the importance of engaging and connecting with their peers, including the skill of empathy and listening to others.
- Help your child by having them help others – Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work or ask for assistance yourself with tasks that they can master.
- Maintain a daily routine – Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children, especially younger children who crave structure in their lives.
- Take a break – Teach your child how to focus on something that they can control or can act on. Help by challenging unrealistic thinking by asking them to examine the chances of the worst-case scenario and what they might tell a friend who has those worries.
- Practice self-care – This may be making more time to eat properly, exercise, and get sufficient sleep. Make sure your child has time to have fun and participate in activities they enjoy.
- Move toward your goals – Establishing goals will help children focus on a specific task and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges.
- Nurture a positive self-view – Help your child remember ways they have successfully handled hardships in the past and help them understand that these past challenges help build the strength to handle future challenges.
- Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook – Even when your child is facing very painful events, help them look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective.
- Look for opportunities for self-discovery – Tough times are often when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child look at how whatever they’re facing can teach them “what am I made of.”
- Accept change – Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable.
Dr. Foster says that first and foremost, it starts with you. Your children will benefit from you teaching them how to practice skills, but the example you set by your own actions and reactions to life’s ups and downs can be a much more memorable and compelling lesson in the power of resilience.
Karrol-Jo Foster is a licensed mental health counselor(LMHC) in the State of Florida. Her office, Fostering Resilience, LLC, is located at 2160 58 Ave., Suite 269, Vero Beach. The phone number is 772-247-3214.