Cassie Keim was Right There At The Door to welcome me an my assistant, an Woof! was she excited! An EE-ger. An X-ZOO-berant! Cassie’s a very shiny an pretty Black Lab – a probly 8-year-old shelter rescue. She was wearin’ a stylish red bandana an bouncin’ around happily.
Followin’ the Wag-(an Bounce)-an-Sniff, I innerduced myself an my assistant.
“Oh, Mr. BON-zo, I Totally Know who you are, cuzza your coll-um! I always wanted to be in it an I’m all pruh-PARED. Mommy helped me get all BEAUTY-full! Oh, an this is my Mommy Ginny, an my Daddy Dick. Let’s go sit down, OK? Do you wanna WADER? Or a SNACK?”
“No thanks,” Miss Cassie,” I replied as we got situated. “I’m good!”
As I was gettin’ out my notebook an pen, Cassie exclaimed. “Oh, goody! You’re gonna write about me in your ack-shull NOTEbook! That’s SO Cool Kibbles! So, can I start talkin’ NOW?”
“Absolutely, Miss Cassie! I’m ready to write!”
“K, so, Guess What! Mommy-an-Daddy designated TODAY (April 1) as my O-FISH-ull Birthday cuz nobody knows when my ackshull birthday is. Isn’t that SO Cool Kibbles?”
“Totally! Happy Birthday Miss Cassie!”
“THANK you, Mr. Bonzo! I don’t know when I was born cuz I was just a lost pupper when I was found wanderin’ the streets of the South Bronx, which is a Very Dangerous Place.
Thank Lassie, I got rescued and taken to a Shelter.
“Meanwhile Mommy-an-Daddy’s buh-loved terrier-mixture, Piper, hadda go to Dog Heaven. So they were Dog-less. Lotsa time went by. Then, one duh-SEM-ber, Mommy asked Daddy what he wanted for Christmas an HE said, ‘WOOF! WOOF!’ So they went to the shelter in Man-HAT-en, which happened to be MY shelter. So we found each other.
(Mommy-an-Daddy an ME are Snowbirds buh-tween Cuh-NETTY-cut an here.)
“I was SO happy to have Mommy-an-Daddy but, cuzza bein’ lost an scared, I had some ISH-yous. Something called ang-ZI-utty, like, I’m Totally Scared of black garbage bags on the street an I try to protect Mommy-an-Daddy from ’em, but I don’t ’member why.”
“It’s probly best you don’t,” I noted.
“Troo,” Cassie agreed. “Anyway, my shelter name was Epsilon. (I KNOW! Right?) but Thank Lassie Mommy-an-Daddy decided, cuzza my Mysterious Past, to call me Casablanca, which is some sorta moo-vee humans like, where there’s A Woman of Mystery, just like me.
Cool Kibbles, doncha think?”
“Totally!” I agreed. “So, Cassie for short! TRAY Cool!”
“I love my name,” Cassie exclaimed. “Anyway, when I was a pupper, Mommy-an-Daddy say I was what humans call a HAND-full. I chewed everything in sight, an didn’t listen to anybuddy! I mean, I love my Furever Famly but I was just SO egg-sited all the time! Like, I’d always pull, pull, pull on my leash (which is a Major, No Negotiating NO!). Also, when we had cump-nee for dinner, Mommy-an-Daddy’d tell their frens to not drop their NAP-kins cuz The Shreddin’ Machine – ME – would chew ’em totally UP.
“So they ree-lized I needed LESSONS. They found a wonderful trainer – Miss Kathy – who taught me how to be a Proper Pooch. I thought I was just playin’ around in the park with other pooches but I was ackshully learnin’ manners an stuff, like How To Not Be So Bouncy.
“Now I’m still X-ZOO-ber-ant, but more puh-lite. Also, I love snugglin’. I snuggle with Mommy every mornin’ when she’s readin’ the PAY-per. Then, when Daddy gets up, I jump down an switch over to HIS chair. Also, I love goin’ down to the marina with Daddy an sittin’ onna bench. Daddy likes watchin’ the sunsets an the boats, while I prefer watching the fishes. I guess I am a People Pooch. Sometimes, I forget to NOT Jump Up on People cuz I’m SO happy to see ’em. However, I feel it’s my DOOTY to protect my Mommy-an-Daddy, so I bark if someone’s walkin’ past. I also bark at the squirrels. An raccoons. An rah-butts.
Oh, those rah-butts. Mommy-an-Daddy think they’re cute, but I just don’t see it. They remind me of all those annoying chip-muffs up in Cuh-NETTY-cut.
“The squirrels are Crispy Biscuits, tho. We have a Thing. They zoom around the backyard an tease me through the window, an I pretend to be fe-ROW-shus. One thing I can’t figure out, tho: When I’m up in Cuh-NETTY-cut, THERE THEY ARE. How did they get all the way up there. Onna TRAIN or a PLANE? It’s a miss-tree.”
“It must be cool livin’ here. All the trees an stuff,” I commented.
“OH. YES! Sea-Oaks is Pawsome, speshully the pond. There’s a buncha ducks I like to watch. Reminds of our pond in Cuh-NETTY-cut, where I observe the frogs an fishes.
Sometimes I get a liddle over-excited but I really try to buh-HAVE. An the beach! I love splashin’ around in the O-shun, but only up to my NEES. My favrite thing is the DAILY TENNIS BALL. I have a bagfull of ’em, an I choose a speshull one EVERY DAY. The DB: Designated BALL. I could play Catch, an Chase all day long. I can leap real high. twist, grab the ball in the air, then run in a big circle in the sand. AND, NOBODY can get that ball unless I’m In The Mood to share.
“Ooo, an Guess What?”
“Umm, what!”
“I had my pick-shur on the cover of the Speshull Sea Oaks Book. PLUS, in this year’s Sea Oaks Parade of Champions, I won the ‘Most Likely to Disobey’ award. But here’s why: You see, Mr. Bonzo, cuzza my love for Balls, I was recruited by the Mets to be the Ball Grrrl.
However, when I ree-lized they don’t use tennis balls, I left the stadium.”
I stuffed my paw in my mouth an pretended to sneeze, to keep from laughing.
Heading home, I was still chuckling about charming Miss Cassie’s tails. Humm, maybe I’ll run into her again. Sigh.
