River Byrd has the most you-NEEK Coat Ever! He’s a frenly, almost-2-years-old Mini Australian Shepherd with a jaunty, outgoing doganality (which my assistant loved cuzza all the boops an snuggles an kisses he buh-stowed throughout the innerview).
River’s color is o-FISH-ully called Blue Merle, which is ackshully black an white an gold in lotsa swoopy, wavy, pokka-dotty patterns. His eyes are also you-NEEK: humans call ’em “marbled.” I couldn’t help but notice that River didn’t have a tail! Just a tidy fluffy puff over his caboose. All-in-all, River pretty much looked like he was dressed to go to The Totos (aka Pooch Oscars). I un-ob-TROO-sively fluffed my ruff.
“Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! You’re Mr. BON-zo! I’m SO Excited you’re HERE!” he exclaimed, trotting right up for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“Good morning!” I said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, River. I must say, your coat is even more amazing in The Fur!”
“Thanks, Mr. Bonzo. I get that a lot. I try not to be Snob Nose about it. Just the Luck-of-the-Litter. An most of us with this kinda coat are Tail Free, in case you’re wonderin’,” (I had been, but wasn’t gonna mention it.) “Plus, I’ve heard a tail just gets in the way when you’re herdin’. Anyway, this is my Mama, Melissa. Come’on in. We’ll sit on the couch!”
River noticed me lookin’ at a spay-shus L-shaped wire struckchur off the end of the couch.
“That’s my condo-inna-condo,” he explained. “Cool Kibbles, right? I go in it to chill, or hang out or when Mama’s elsewhere. It’s nice an big an I can see out to the padio an my YARD an the POND, check out the birds and squirrels and lizz-urds an other NAY-chur stuff. PLUS, it’s got 8 panels, so Mama can change the shape of it to fit in different places!”
“Totally Cool Kibbles,” I agree, opening my notebook. “So, how’d you find your Furever Home?”
“Well, Mama always had pooches when she was liddle, but she had been pooch-less for 18 years. She’s a single, workin’ person an she had planned – as a birthday present to herself – to take a trip to Uh-LASS-kuh: a Really Cold, far-away state that isn’t even uh-tached! But then that duh-zeese came and nobody could do anything or go anywhere, so she decided to get a dog instead. We both lucked out!”
“How’d you get that Crispy Biscuits name?” I inquired.
“Well, turns out me an Mama are both NAY-chur Nerds and, since she thinks my coat looks sorta like river rocks … wah-LAA!”
“What was it like when you an your Mama first got together? What’s your life like now?
Any toys, pooch pals, stuff like that.”
“Mama got me when I was just 9 weeks old atta place called Fort Myers Aussie Trail Farms: They make sure all their puppers are Well-Rounded. (I thought that meant tubby, but it doesn’t.) I’ve always been Very Cuddly. Mama says meeting my Cuddle Quota is her Part-Time Job. I went to Paw Prints Puppy Training for The Basics an I’m very so-shull, but not much of a barker, an Totally NOT an alpha. I have pooch pals, but I don’t go to the Dog Park cuz I can get bullied, which is No Fun Whatsoever.
“Paws Down my favrite thing is playin’ with my Pooch Pals at the BEACH. I run up to ’em and say, ‘Hey, wanna chase me?’ Then we take off. TRAY fun! Me an Biggie Smalls, a Cavapoo, an Hank, a terrier, hang out a lot. I LOVE swimmin’ in the O-shun (when there’s not any of those big, high bunches of water that fall on you). I’m NOT fond of the bath I hafta get after I play in the O-shun, tho. But it’s the price we pay, right?”
I nodded.
River sighed an continued. “My pooch pal PupPup, whose human is my Mama’s fren Maureen, is a pit mixture from Duffy’s Dames, which, Mama told me, is a rescue/shelter that takes care of animals owned by veterans when they can’t keep ’em anymore.”
“Oh, Woof! That’s important,” I exclaimed.
“While I do chase birds on occasion, I ackshully formally met a bird just once,” River continued. “A EE-moo named Mork. We were campin’. He was WAY taller than me, gigantic. He found my dog food an ate most of it. I found it proo-dent not to complain.
Mama took a videe-O.
“I also meet several pooch pals at the Saturday morning Farmers Market. Ooooo, an maybe you were there too? At the Bark in the Park a coupla weeks ago? WOOF! Was it Super Cool Kibbles!”
“YES,” I replied. “I WAS there! There were SO Many pooches there! Hundreds!”
“Fur sure! It was my first time an guess what? I found out I’m Really Great at the events. I did that trail thing, and the obstacle course. Totally aced it. It’s in my JEENS. IN-stink! Just like the time I took sheep-herdin’ lessons. Mama has a video of me an them. Woof, was that excitin’! I bet I could get a JOB doin’ that!
“Other NAY-chur Nerd stuff me an Mama do is hiking on Wildcat Cove Trail, a Really Crispy Biscuits loop with swamps an trees, right by the la-GOON in Fort Pierce!”
“Mama wants me to get use to lotsa different sit-chu-WAY-shuns, an sounds an places. She takes me to pooch-frenly rest-runts, like American Icon an, um, The Liddle Mermaid. Oh, wait. The Kilted Mermaid, I think it was. I’m Very Well buh-haved.
“My favrite toy’s a plastic water bottle. They make the Cool Kibblest noise. Kinda crunchy.
Not squeeky. I’m not that into squeeky. I also love Beech Frisbee. An Sock Jugglin’ with Mama’s sox.
“When I’m just chillin,’ I watch ‘Animal Planet.’ Speshully when it’s about crabs. Or Sheep.
Headin’ home, I was reflectin’ on colorful, enthusiastic NAY-chur Nerd River’s rich, full, fun life, filled with adventure, cuddles, lotsa pooch pals. An one Emu.
Till next time,
