Chuck Waggin is a slender white mini poodle who has a Seriously Soggy Biscuits tail to tell (with a Happy Ending, thank Lassie!), although he still suffers from bad mem-rees occasionally.
He was at the door with a Frenly Lady who invited me an my assistant in, but Chuck Waggin himself didn’t come up to me for the Wag-an-Sniff. He just sorta held back an watched. I couldn’t help but notice he had an obviously well-loved Lambchop toy in his mouth. A Support Stuffy, I figured.
He hadda very spruce haircut and that impressive Poodle Poss-chur and elegant gait, sorta like a horse. A very small horse. Couldn’ta been more than 10 pounds. I innerduced myself an my assistant an commented on his stylish summer cut.
He puh-tooied Lambchop out. “Thank you, Mr. Bonzo. Can I get you some Duck Jerky?
Some water?”
“Oh, no. Thank you, though.”
“Mommy gave me a nose-to-tail haircut so I’d be a Hansome Lad for my innerview,” Chuck Waggin continued. “This is her. (He nudged the Frenly Lady.) My Dad’s Jim. I call him Jim.
You can call me Chuck if you wanna.”
“Cool Kibbles!” I replied. “An just call me Bonzo.”
We got settled on the comfy couch an my assistant, after obtaining permission, produced a couple of Toy Poo-sized snacks from The Satchel, offering them at nose-height, as usual.
Altho Chuck approached a few times, he just couldn’t quite gather the biscuits to take one outta of an ackshull human hand, so my assistant tossed it onto the floor an Chuck dispatched it promptly. “I guess you wanna hear my tail,” he said, munching.
“Absolutely!” I opened my notebook, an Chuck Waggin took a seat a few feet away from me, my assistant an even his Mom.
“See, what happened was, back in 2017, I was around 2, close as I can figure, me an about 30 other white poos were rescued by a buncha humans from Palm Coast Animal Control from a hoarding sit-chew-way-shun up in Jacksonville.”
“From a what?” I asked.
“It’s when a human starts getting pooches an can’t stop an keeps gettin’ more an more until there’s no more room but still keeps gettin’ more an they have puppers an it’s just pooches everywhere, an not enuf space to sleep or exercise an we didn’t get to learn about gettin’ along with each other, or how to do our duty, or ackshully any Important Dog Stuff. We were all just inna big crowded bunch. I mean, I didn’t even know humans could be kind an give me pats on the head an brush me and say I’m a good boy an give me treats and my very own bed. Even now I sometimes think it’ll all just – poof! – disappear, an I’ll be back under a big pile of poodles again.”
“Oh for Lassie’s Sake, Chuck!” I exclaimed. “That is WAY Soggy Dog Biscuits! So what happened?”
“Well, about 15 of us, including me, got taken to the Vero Beach Humane Society and that’s how Mommy an Jim found out about us. See, they’re a Long Time Poodle Famly. When Mommy was a liddle human, she always wanted a poodle pupper. But she got a SIS-ter instead. So when she got grown up, her an Jim got a series of poos: first Chili Beans, then Sweet Pea, then Peach Pie an, right buh-for me, Kokomo Joe.
“So, when they saw all us hoarded puppers on TV, they zipped right over to the humane society, but we weren’t ready to be adopted yet. ‘Come back Sunday!’ the Humane Society people said. So Mommy was back at 7 a.m. Sunday, the first in line. She was inna Meet-An-greet room an they brought us in a few at a time and said, ‘Which one do you want?’ An when Mommy saw me she ree-lized I was Her Pooch an That Was That. Cuz I didn’t have a puppyhood, it took me a while to figure out normal dog stuff, but us poos are very smart so I learned most things preddy quick, including Where to Do My Dooty an Where To Not. Took a liddle while to figure out the leash walk thing.
“I still sometimes have the ‘Get-Me-Outs!’ an I run off. Just in the neighborhood, but still, I’m not s’pose to. So Mommy says if I run off I don’t get my favrite breakfast treat, which is a Lovely Fried Egg. An I still have this other Food Thing: When I get my breakfast or supper dish of kibbles, I remove each kibble from the dish, one-by-one, an place it neatly on the rug.
Then whenever I’m hungry, I go nibble.”
“No wonder you stay so nice an trim,” I commented, sucking in my tummy. “So – any fave toys, pooch pals?”
“Ooooh, MADGE, I’m bananas over Madge. We have play dates. She was in your coll-um a while back, Mommy says. She’s the Queen of chasin’ lizards. Me, I just observe lizards. Same with squirrels and rah-butts. They’re waay fast. I do love my Lambchop stuffie. You mighta noticed. AN my squeaky rubber chiggen. LOOK!”
He zipped off an returned with not just any ol’ rubber chiggen: This one had a red bathing cap an a purple bikini with white polka dots!!! An when he squished it, It SQUAWKED!
“I’m not very cuddly-wuddly, but I do like to sit on Mommy’s shoulder an watch TV. AN get Ear Rubs. I LOVE Ear Rubs! I sometimes even fall asleep an snore. Then Mommy calls me Fill-Lay of Poodle.”
Heading home, I was thinking how scary it must have been for Chuck an all those other poodles all crowded up, and how fortunate they were that kind humans saved them from Dire Straights so they hadda chance to find Furever Homes. I also found myself still picksurin’ that long-leggedy rubber chiggen with the purple polka dot bikini. Just when I thought I’d seen it all.