Madge Schlitt is a happy, lovin’ rescue pooch, black with a puff of white on her chin, the Cool Kibble-est ears I ever saw, anna missing part (humans call it a handy-cap; I’m pretty sure I wudda never noticed if I hadn’t been informed buh-fore I met her).
She an her Mom met me an my assistant at the door. I introduced myself an Madge came right up for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“Hi, Mr. Bonzo. This is My Mom, Karen. My Dad, Frank’s workin’. Come IN. Havva SEAT!”
She led the way, an continued. “I’m Madge Schlitt! My human sisters Chloe an Kendall named me for a character inna book called ‘Hunger Games.’ Cool kibbles, right? Mom says you wanna hear my story. Should I tell it NOW?”
Madge took a breath, I said, “Absolutely!” and opened my notebook.
I’d noticed that, whenever she spoke, her ears popped straight out on either side of her head, with just the tips flopped down, sorta like a flat-brim hat. Her gaze was so bright an pleasant, it took me a moment to recall what I’d been told: She’d been born blind on the left side.
Madge enjoyed a Duh-lishus Snack my assistant produced from The Satchel, then curled up an began her Tail.
“My pooch Mom was abandoned at the vet’s so he rescued her, Thank Lassie. Turns out she was preg-nut an promptly had 10 puppers. (We’re mostly Poodle and some other stuff. Now Dad calls me a Moodle for mutt an poodle). Anyway, it was close to Christmas, we were exceedingly cute an there was a waiting list. Back then Chloe and Kendall were liddle kids, 10 an 12, and they Really Really Wanted a Puppy. However, Mom was not only 1) Scared of Dogs, she was also 2) uh-LURR-gic to Dogs. Cats Also. But it was Christmas so Mom got on the list as First ALTER-nut. But we all got spoken for. How-EVER, the human who spoke for ME didn’t call back, so Mom got me. I was a Christmas suh-PRIZE!!”
“Totally meant to be,” I mused.
“Well, Mom didn’t know Diddly-fluff about pooches, so she went to collect me with a laundry basket. The vet laffed, an provided a proper CARRY-err. Bein’ a natchrully happy poocheroo, I took to humans Right Away. Since it was a week till Christmas, I stayed with Gramma an Grampa till Christmas morning.
“Mom an Dad brought me to here and put me in a liddle hallway buh-tween Chloe an Kendall’s rooms. I was runnin’ back-an-forth, woofin’ an sniffin and paw-pattin’ their doors an when they came out, there I was! An they were like, ‘IT’S A PUPPY!!!!! WE’VE GOT A PUPPY!!!!!’”
“Me an Chloe an Kendall grew up together. I’m a Total Family Grrrl. Kinda of a Mama’s Grrrl these days, I think you could say.
“Now I’m 10; Chloe’s in medical school. She’s plannin’ to carry me when she does that march-thingy with robes an stuff for grad-you-WAY-shun an I’m SO excited! Maybe I’ll get to wear a robe, too. An one of those flat hats to match my ears! An Kendall wants me to go to college with her! I’m psyched for that but I think it’s still Under Discussion.
“I was about 3 months old when Mom an Dad finally ree-lized something wasn’t quite right and took me to the vet an they discovered I could only see out of one eye. I’d never known anything else so it’s never been a problem for me.
“As a pupper, I did chew a shoe or two, when my new teeth were comin’ in. Ooooh, an there was that time I discovered my TAIL! Woof, was THAT something. I twirled an twirled an couldn’t figure out where it kept disappearing to for the longest time.”
“This bein’ Florida an all, do you swim?” I inquired.
“Never did care much for the beach, or the pool, or goin’ out in the boat,” she replied. “My feelin’ is – Water is for Drinkin’! Now snow … that’s a different matter. I LOVE snow. We usta go up to North Carolina in the winter an I’d have a Total Ball, leapin’ around.”
“Any pooch pals?”
“My Cousin Mia lives across town. We play together. An there’s my boyfren.” (Madge lowered her voice.) “He’s a white poodle, a liddle slimmer than me. His name’s Chuck Waggin’.”
As I stifled a laugh, she continued. “I sometimes chase, you know, the usual squirrels an birds, an the occasional lizard, altho Mom doesn’t want me to eat one cuz you Never Know With Lizards.”
“Favrite foodstuffs?”
“Lemme see, peanut budder. An watermelon, most veg-tubbles an froot, except not strawberries or blueberries. Hey, wanna see my cool look-out-an-con-tem-play-shun place up front?”
She jumped up an led me to a pretty room with a big front window. There was a bench under it with a cozy, soft-looking pillow/pad.
“It’s my very own Spot,” she said proudly. “Ant Deb gave me the bench, an Mom got the pillow. Isn’t it So Crispy Biscuits?”
“Totally,” I agreed.
Madge indicated the nearby table, a good bit higher than her. “Kendall usta do these Real Com-pluh-cated Puzzles with zillions of teensy liddle pieces all laid out right on that very table. Once, when I was alone, I was innocently con-tem-platin’ this one puzzle, looked like a whole pick-shur, an I wanned to get a closer look, so I leaped up on the table an, well, the pieces sorta exploded in all different direc-shuns.”
“OOOh, boy,” I commiserated, then, “well, with all this heat, hopefully you’re staying’ in the cool mostly.”
“This weekend, I’m gonna go to Gramma-an-Grampa Camp. Way Cool Kibbles! We’ll probly do lotsa indoor stuff.”
In such charmin’ company, the hour had passed quickly.
Heading home, I recalled an Important Safety Tip I wanted to share. You probly know this already but Just In CASE: Our pads can burn FAST on a hot sidewalk, concrete, AZZ-falt or fake grass. Only takes SECONDS! So don’t go for a walk on those SIR-fusses without pruh-TECK-shun on your paws, when it’s been, like 80 or higher. Just Don’t!