Even before the door opened, there was a buncha barkin’ from inside Sophia Grace Unsicker’s house. Then, when the door DID open, this very cute, very liddle, very curly-haired apper-cot colored Maltipoo zipped up to me an my assistant, jumpin’ an barkedity-barkin’ to beat the band till a Frenly Lady scooped her up.
“Good morning,” I said, in my most pleasant voice, standing nice an still. “I’m Bonzo the Columnist an this is my assistant. Thank you so much for agreeing to an innerview.”
Soon as the Frenly Lady set her gently down, the liddle pooch tilted her head an gave me a Serious Size-Up.
“Hummm. OK. Mommy says you’re a Good Dog. Nothing personal. I just hafta be SURE.
I’m very pruh-TECK-tive of Mommy (this is her, Jane), plus I had a Very Distressing Encounter with three Chuh-waa-waas in my youth – so I’m Overly Caw-shus of Other Dogs. You may call me Sophie.”
She approached only slightly hesitantly for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“I totally understand, Miss Sophie, an I assure you I am, indeed, a Good Dog. I am eager to hear your story, whenever you’re ready. I have heard you are quite the traveler.”
Sophia led us into the living room an jumped onto her Mommy’s lap. I opened my notebook. “Ooo, yes, I AM. I LOVE goin’ places with Mommy an Daddy. (Ron Stark – he’s an AR-tist.) LOOK!”
She indicated a beautiful painting on a nearby table. It was amazing!
“It’s ME! It’s called a POR-trut! Daddy painted it for Mommy. Isn’t it So Cool Kibbles? It makes me feel like a QUEEN! My own POR-trut! He usually paints just humans. I’m his first pooch!”
“Woof! It looks just LIKE you, in the fur!” I exclaimed.
“So how’d you find your Furever Famly?”
“It was back in 2012,” she began. “Me an my litter had just been born at a breeder’s in West Palm. We had PAYpers an everything! Our pooch Mama was Summer, a white Maltese, an our pooch daddy was Red Hot Chili, a brown Mini Poo. That’s how I got my beautiful apper-cot color. An guess what? Us puppies were named after CEREAL!”
“’Scuse me?”
“It’s troo! My original name was Granola.”
“Shut the doghouse door!” I exclaimed.
“I KNOW, right? Thank Lassie, Mommy’d already decided on my name. Which WASN’T GRANOLA. Anyway back then, Mommy was sorta bummed out an decided she needed a Liddle Buddy, spuh-cifically a pooch, an more spuh-cifically, a pooch that’d always look like a puppy, an it hadda be a portable pooch she could carry inna purse or backpack an travel with. So – waa-laa – a Maltipoo! She found my breeder on line an saw my pick-chur, which was, obviously, irresistible. So that was that. I was only 2 anna haff pounds then.
Now I’m 8 whole pounds!
“I’m really smart, too, Potty Trained inna snap. I havva bell by the front door – maybe you noticed – which I ring when I hafta to Do My Duty. Or when I want a Treat. Or Attention. I sleep with Mommy of course. For treats I love cheese an baby carrots an the occasional blueberry. I ackshully don’t have any bad habits. It’s TROO! Mommy says so!
“How about pooch pals?” I wondered.
“Well, as I mentioned, I’m a liddle hesitant about my fellow pooches, mostly cuzza bein’ much smaller than most of ’em, an cuzza of my previous unfortunate experience. I do, however, have a couple of good pooch pals – Bella an Titus – they’re Cavalier King Charles Spaniels an they buh-long to Mommy’s twin sister, Aunt Joan. They’re snowbirddogs from Nantucket who visit back-an-forth with us when they’re in Naples.
“I also exchange greetings with neighborhood pooches on my daily leash walks. And I have the BEST Time tumblin’ around with my human neece an two neff-yous when they visit.
They’re liddle bitty kids, just my size!”
“So, tell me about your travels,” I urged.
“Woof! I’ve traveled on planes, an ferries, an motor boats, an, of course, cars. I LOVE travelin’! I guess I have Itchy Paws! I’ve been to Boston an Ver-GIN-yuh an North Carolina an O–HI-o an INDY-anna an Ella-NOY an Calla-FORN-ya an colla-RAH-do – an other places. Not across The Pond yet, tho.
“Playin’s fun, too. I have tons of toys – my squeaky green ball’s my fave! – but also Hide-an-Seek with Mommy. I sqwunch up all the pillows on the bed then hide behind ’em. An Christmas time’s The Best. I LOVE PRESENTS! ACK-shully, the wrapping part! I get the tissue paper out of the presents an Mommy an Daddy ball it up an toss it across the room and I zoom over an pounce on it an rip it to pieces!
‘Sometimes I chase the lizards and squirrels! I mean, isn’t that, like, the DUTY of Florida dogs? Those liddle goofballs are EVERYWHERE. But I would NEVER, you know, catch one. EEeoooo! It gives me the willies even thinking about that.
“I also love dressin’ up. I mean, I AM a grrrl, after all!”
“Indeed you are, Miss Sophie!” I agreed.
“I have my own raincoat, anna selection of sweaters. When it’s chilly, I have PJ’s for sleepin’. On Halloween I’ve been a pumpkin anna unicorn, an on Christmas I’ve been a reindeer.
“The only thing I’m NOT fond of is WATER: like the ocean or a pool. Definitely NO! I’m NOT keen on my weekly bath, either. If I hear the water runnin’ or see the shampoo, I hide.
But Mommy always finds me. I DO like the post-bath treat, and gettin’ blow-dried an brushed – then it’s SPA time! An lookin’ beautiful, of course, with all my soft apper-cot curls.”
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about sweet liddle Miss Sophie with her soft apper-cot curls an her love of cheese and baby carrots and travel. An wonderin’ if my Gramma an Grampa’d ever consider having MY portrait painted.
Till next time,