Woof! Does Koko Guirgis ever love humans! I mean, soon as me an my assistant walked up the liddle steps into Koko’s Super Crispy Biscuits MOE-der Home, he was bee-stowin’ zillions of slurpy puppy smooches on my assistant, while si-mull-TAYnee-us-lee wiggle-wagglin’ every square inch of his fluffy liddle Shih Tzu body. He didn’t bark AT ALL, but he had the most in-thoo-zee-ass-tick wiggles I EVER saw!
I addressed the wigglin’ whirlwind. “Ahem! Hello there! I’m Bonzo the Columnist. A pleasure to meet you. I understand you’re about to begin an exciting adventure. I’m eager to hear about it!”
Koko pawsed and glanced up from The Satchel, out of which my assistant was attempting to extract a size-appropriate pooch Snack.
Koko was attempting to assist.
A nearby Frenly Man was attempting to detach Koko from The Satchel.
I was attempting to maintain my professional demeanor (or at least not burst into laughter).
The Frenly Man plucked Koko out of The Satchel and placed him on the floor. The liddle poocheroo was brown-an-white with a close summer cut ’cept for his ears which were inna Cool Kibbles bob: Tray On Trend, I thought.
“Hallo, Mr. Bonzo. I don’t do Wag-an-Sniff’s cuzza usually gettin’ knocked over. This is my Daddy Emil. My Mommy Marcy’s gonna be here preddy soon. I’m Koko. Daddy-an-Mommy sometimes called me Koko Puff or Puffy cuzza my Very Puffy Tail! (Fun Fact: It’s the only part of me that sheds.)”
“This is my Modor Home! Isn’t it SO Crispy Biscuits? We’re gonna take it onna Big Trip all over the HOLE COUNTRY. I’m SO Excited! It’s what’s called an ud-VEN-chur. That means visitin’ a buncha places you haven’t BEEN buh-for an doin’ stuff you haven’t DONE buh-for an you might be a liddle NER-vuss but that’s OK cuz Daddy an Mommy’ll be right there with you!”
“Woof, Koko, that’s sounds so excitin’! I hope you take a buncha phodos! So, tell me about yourself. You have such a happy doganality! How’d you an your Daddy an Mommy find each other?”
He plopped down next to my assistant (and The Satchel.)
“Mommy’d obtained pooches from my breeder in Hidden Valley Farms in Jor-Juh for years, so when it was time for a new pooch, she looked at the current litter on line an picked ME cuzza my freckles an cuteness. Then Daddy-an-Mommy drove up to get me. I was 8 weeks old. 2 pounds, 7 ounces. (Now I’m 8 pounds! I always hafta watch my diet, but I occasionally get my fav treats, liverwurst and Pop Tarts, in appropriately small amounts.)
“I was a liddle timid on the drive back but Very Well Buh-haved, didn’t make a mess or anything. I’ve always prided myself on Doing my Doody in the Proper Place.”
“That’s great, Koko! Kudos! What was it like when you first got to your Furever Home?”
“It was a 4-hour drive. We arrived late at night. I got outta the car. It was dark an I wandered straight into the pool. We all freaked out. It was on the ledge in the shallow end but still, I mean, alluva sudden I was all wet! They hauled me out an dried me off an woof!if I didn’t walk right back into the pool. I never did like ackshully swimmin’, but now I have my own surfboard and I float around, or just lay on the ledge to keep cool.”
“I know you’re a traveler: Where all have you been so far?” I inquired. “An tell me more about that Big Adventure comin’ up!”
Suddenly, the door opened an his Mommy swept in. Koko immediately flew off the couch and leapt into her arms, wiggling nose-to-puffy tail an bestowing non-stop slurpy smooches. The two greeted each other as though it had been decades since they last met.
Totally heartwarming! (As us dogs all know, time passes in a different way for us, an when our humans are gone, it doesn’t matter if it’s 10 minutes or 10 days, it ALWAYS feels like Forever. Am I right?)
Koko settled into his Mommy’s lap. “Yep! I’m a Mommy’s Boy. I can do anything I want when I’m with Mommy. WAY fun! But Daddy’s the Boss of Me. I always do what he says.
When I come in from outside, I wait at the door till he wipes off my paws an nether regions with a towel. And, of course, we’re travel Buds. See, Daddy usta be a COP in Long Eye-lun.
He ree-tired and now he has a job where he travels all over, drivin’ or flyin’, an I go with him. It’s WAY excitin’. I’ve been to Ver-GIN-yuh, New York, Tennis-SEE, VAY-gus, at-LAN-tuh. When we flew to callah-FORN-yuh I snoozed inna special bag under the seat, an I didn’t hafta potty even once. I was Very Proud. I’ve Stayed inna buncha hotels. I’m VERY well buh-haved.
“Didja know airports have these special dog places with fake grass where you can Do Your Dooty an not get yelled at?
“Speakin’ of: Recently I ree-lized, from observin’ other pooches – you guys do that Leg Lift thing when you P. I never did learn that. One time I tried it an I almost fell over. Do you think I’m weird?”
“Well,” I replied. “I always thought it was an in-stink, but apparently it’s learned. I don’t think you’re weird, Koko,” I assured him. “You’re you-NEEK! So, tell me about this Big Advenchur.”
“We’ll go to Virginia for the summer, then do a big ol’ loop, out to Maine, then south, an all around the lower states, west to callah-FORN-yuh. Every night we’ll stay in our modor home in lotsa Cool Kibble places called CampGrounds and meet all sorts of interesting humans and poocheroos an see a buncha of SIGHTS. If I had THUMS, I’d keep a diary.”
I was smiling ear-to-ear all the way home, picturing wiggle-waggly, mankind-lovin’ Koko, spreading joy and slurpy smooches wherever he goes. I can’t wait to hear all about his Big Adventure upon his return. Bon Voyage, little pal!
