I had another new ad-VEN-chur this week: It was my first time innerviewing HORSES!
They work for Special Equestrians of the Treasure Coast, in a pretty place with trees an fences anna big barn, with separate liddle rooms for each horse an Other Important Stuff like food an sad-ells an something called Tack.
Because us dogs can be, on occasion, ram-BUNK-shus, an distract the horses, there was a No Dogs Allowed rule. I gotta speshull pass cuzza the story, but I hadda wear a Leash. Soon as me an my assistant parked, a nice lady greeted us an innerduced us to the Human In Charge, Miss Karen, an to Miss Cali, a calico cat.
“Good morning,” said the pretty liddle feline. “I am The Oh-FISH-ull Barn Cat. I rarely deal with dogs, but I understand you are a pro-FESH-in-ull an not rowdy or slurpy, so I make an exception.
Come’on, I’ll innerduce you to my horses. I’m in charge of keepin’ em In Line. An we’re all taken care of by our Barn Mommies Miss Jodi an Miss Angela.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Miss Cali!” I said.
In loo of the usual dog treats, my assistant’s Satchel contained duh-lishus molasses Horse Snacks, an I asked Miss Cali if we could give one to each horse.
“Certainly,” she said. “But we have ROOLS. A treat hasta go into their food bucket. No hand-feeding.”
From the first stall, a big gray horse face appeared. “Oh, boy, I LOVE molasses!”
“This is Luke,” said Cali, as my assistant plopped a molasses snack into his feed bucket. He was saddled up an looked very impressive. An very big.
“Hey, Luke, tell Mr. Bonzo about our mission,” urged Cali.
Luke polished off the last bite, and lifted his nose from the feed bucket. “What we do here is Very Important. We horses an the human teachers an volunteers help Humans with Speshull Needs learn how to take care of horses and sometimes learn to ride also. It helps them feel happy, confident an proud and also helps with balance an other fizz-ical things. Humans call it Personal Achievement.
“Each human student gets a horse partner. I know you dogs help humans in lotsa ways (Best Friend an all that), but us horses are pretty good at that as well. I was meant to be here, I am sure! I love workin’ with my young human students.”
“Woof, Luke, that’s Pawsome! I had No Idea! So, where do you all come from?”
“We’re all retirees, getting’ Up There. Mostly came from performance professions.”
“Um, what’s that?”
“Could be lotsa things: moving, jumping, walking, any specific activity. So, for this job, we already know how to behave. Not get all ruffled, you know? Myself, I’m a quarter horse: hunter/jumper back in the day. Ooops, gotta go. My rider’s ready. I love this job!”
“This is Squeeze, he’s a ham!” Cali stopped at the next stall. “Squeeze, meet Bonzo, he’s writing about us.” A big black horse looked down at me.
“Yep, that’s me, Mr. Squeeze. I aim to Pleeze. Squeeze-Meister. Squeeze Man. Squeeze the Big Cheese. We don’t get many dogs in these parts. Welcome to the Barn! I RULED Western Games and Barrels! Now I’m 19, same as Luke. Planned on spendin’ my Golden Years on the Golf Course.
Grazing. Then this gig came along. Where’s my snack?”
A smaller white-an-brown horse was peering over her stall gate. “I am a retired polo pony an I can’t tell you how happy I am to NOT haff to go fast anymore.”
“This is Mimi,” said Cali. “Altho she’s a quiet girl, she’s the leader of the mares.”
“Good afternoon, Miss Mimi,” I said. “That’s a very nice coat!”
“Thanks, Mr. Bonzo. It’s called Paint. S’cuse me, my rider’s in the ring.”
A liddle reddish (the horse word is sorrel) mare with white stockings anna white blaze (the horse word for ‘down the center of her face an nose’) nibbled delicately on her Molasses snack. “So lovely of you to bring snacks. I am Jewel. I am from the Hamptons. I was a hunter/jumper and I am a Thoroughbred/Welsh Pony mixture. Totally Top Drawer. Around here they call me Princess.”
For some reason, that didn’t surprise me. The liddle horse In the stall opposite Princess resembled her, down to the blaze and white sox. He looked a liddle peeved.
“That’s Prince,” Cali said. “He’s onna spe-shul diet to lose weight so he can’t have snacks. He hasta eat boring diet food, even diet treats. I mean, what’s the point of a treat if it’s DIET?”
“It’s a total bummer,” Prince grumbled. “An the worst part, I hafta wear this stoo-pid grazing muzzle so I can’t eat too much duh-licious grass. The other geldings think it’s huh-LARRY-us.”
“Sorry, man,” I commiserated. “I feel your frustration.”
I lowered my voice an asked Cali, “What’s a gelding?”
“It’s,” she pawsed. “well, I think you could say it’s sorta like when you have the No-Puppies Procedure.”
“Oh. Got it. Thanks,” I said.
“Hey, what are you two talkin’ about, Miss Cali?” came a voice from an adjoining stall. “Did someone say snacks? Are you gonna innerview ME, Mr. Doggo? I did Events. I was fast as lightning. An now I never haff to go fast again which is fine with me.”
“That’s Crystal,” said Cali. “She’s a tad – Nosey.”
Picassa was returning to the barn after class with her liddle human partner. “Ola, Senor Bonzo! I was born in Argentina, destined to be a polo pony, like Mimi, but, also like Mimi, I was too slow. I say, phooey, I’d rather graze. I’m just Over It. I don’t CARE if they call me Miss Cranky!”
Before leaving I spent some time watchin’ my new horse frens workin’ with their human students.
It was inspiring. Seemed like the perfect way to have a whole new career after retiring, speshully something so meaningful.
Those molasses treats smelled Very Good. I might just try one. Broaden my culinary horizons, so to speak.
Till next time,