This week I innerviewed Miss Lola Meghji, a charming pit mixture who’s Getting Up There. (Come to think of it, she’s MY age. Woof, time sure flies when you’re not lookin’, doesn’t it?)
We met at her Mom’s office, a Crispy Biscuits place where pets less fortunate come after they’re rescued from Dire Straits: the Hue-mane Suh-si-itty of Vero Beach an Indian River County. Her Mom’s In Charge, but Miss Lola isn’t a snobnose about it. Also, she’s deff, so I figured I’d hafta talk VERY LOUD.
The humans were wearin’ masks cuzza that vi-russ. My assistant has one with a dog on it, ’specially for my innerviews.
Miss Lola’s Mom greeted us and showed us into her office, where Miss Lola approached for the wag-an-sniff, then plopped down onna bright-colored blanket next to her Mom’s desk.
She’s a big grrrl (63 pounds), black with pretty brindle legs, white sox, anna boxy head turnin’ snowflake-dusty around her eyes an muzzle.
“Thank you for coming,” she said inna soft, precise voice. “This is my Mom, Kate. My Dad Tony’s at work. You probly heard, I’m DEFF, but I’m excellent at reading muzzles: I look right at you, but I’m not trying to invade your Personal Space. You don’t hafta speak Super Loud, just not real fast.”
“It. Is. A. Great. Pleasure, Miss. Lola,” I said, looking into her eyes an carefully wrapping my mouth around each word.
“I.am.eager.to.hear.your.story.whenever.you’re.ready.”
I opened my notebook, an she began.
“It was Sham-Pane Ella-NOY, Spring of ’09. I was two anna haff. My first owner was a college grrrl who didn’t know how to take care of me. So her roommate took me. She was super nice but, when I was 6, SHE transferred to another college with a No-Dogs-In-The-Dorm policy.
So she put my pickshur on The Line, hoping to find me a loving Furever Famly.
“Meanwhile, my future parents had both lost their pet pooches, Mom’s bulldog Dexter, an Dad’s bee-gull Sarah, an had agreed that, soon as they found a place to live, they’d get a DOG together. Mom loves Big Ol’ Square-headed Pooches; Dad pru-furs liddle, princessy ones, which created a duh-LLAMA.
“One day Mom was searching on line, saw my pick-shur an BOOM-chocka-locka, she KNEW. But, I was obviously NOT a liddle princess. My future was in Dad’s hands.
“Since they had to agree on The Chosen Pooch, Mom told Dad about me, an he agreed to meet me in the fur. No Strings. No Promises. Mom hadn’t met me either, so my current owner brought me to Mom’s house, where we’d all meet.
“Soon as she brought me in, my IN-stinks took over. I zipped past Mom an headed straight to Dad, sittin’ inna chair. I jumped into his lap an started giving him lots of kisses an snuggles an, just like that, I’d found my Furever Famly!”
“What. A. great. Tail. Miss. Lola,” I told her. “So. How’s. Your. Life. Been. Ever. Since?”
“Wonderful! We have ad-VEN-churs! Hiking! Camping! I’ve slowed down a lot (arthur-itis), but I usta be Very Fast! Once we were hiking in the woods an saw this herd of deer.”
“Oh, boy!” I thought, pretty much knowin’ what was comin’.
“WELL, bein’ a bulldog an all, I’ve always been Real Strong: I jerked my leash outta Mom’s hand and took off after those deer. An we all vanished into the woods. Mom and Dad Freaked Out, thinkin’ I’d get trampled by, like, a zillion deer hoofs.
They searched an hollered. Inna while, I came trotting back like ‘Hey, Mom. Hey Dad, ’sup?’
“Another liddle habit I still haven’t kicked: BEES.”
“Bees?”
“Yep. Every couple years I eat a bee.”
“Why?”
“I guess it’s a come-PUL-shun. Then my face swells up, I get itchy all over an Mom gives me BENNA-drill. Then I avoid bees. Until I forget what happened, an I eat another one.”
I shook my head. “So. How’d. You. Get. Down. Here?”
“Mom’s an Dad’s jobs. We went from Ella-NOY to CAN-zuzz to here. I love spending my Golden Years in Flora-duh, relaxin’ in the sun. Most of me has slowed wa-ay down, but my nose is sharp as ever! When Mom comes home from work, I love sniffin’ all the cool shelter smells on her. There’s a buncha liddle piglets an their Momma there now, an dog, do THEY smell intresting! Sometimes we foster kittens at home. I get along great with all the animals we foster, ack-shully. I’m hopin’ to become an am-BASS-uh-door for my breed someday!”
“An. Admirable. Ambition! Any. Besties?”
“When I first joined the famly I met my new cat sibs, Jeeves an Miko. They like to lick my ears, which is cool an kinda tickly. Then there’s Uncle Edward, a Scottish Terrier rescue from one of those dreadful puppy mills. He’s not the crispiest cookie in the jar but he’s totally OK.
“Probly my Very BFF is my human liddle sis Nora. Right away when she was born I decided she was My Person. When she first learned to pull herself up, she grabbed my face and I started lickin her nose, till Mom, for some reason, decided it wasn’t the greatest idea. Now she’s 10 an we still love snugglin’.”
“Any. Favrite. Foodstuffs?”
“I am possibly a liddle pushy when it’s mealtime. If my meal isn’t prompt, I, well, HOWL. An WHINE. I’m also EX-purt at getting into basically any food container. If there’s something duhlishus on the table, look away for a nano second, and it’s GONE. Oh, and COFFEE.”
“Huh?”
“LOVE it! When Mom puts her coffee down and isn’t payin’ attention, I slurp it right up.”
“All in all, Mr. Bonzo, I’m a Family Grrrl. Every day, home or here, I Sniff-Patrol the Perimeter to ensure all is well. I feel it’s my duty as a member of my Furever Famly.”
Heading home, I was thinkin’ of sweet Miss Lola’s intresting life, and the many diverse pets she meets. An wonderin’ how she EVER developed a taste for coffee.
Till next time,