This week I ventured once again into the still-mostly-mysterious-to-me world of The Feline to innerview a perfectly charming, rather shy young lady, Miss Penny Eisdorfer, a rescue Tabby who’s about 3.
A nice lady welcomed me an my assistant led us into the living room, where Miss Penny was peeping out from behind a chair.
Knowing that cats don’t do the Wag-an-Sniff like us dogs, but usually opt for the Sit-an-Size Up, I sat as low to the ground as I could an said, Sotto Voce, “Good morning, Miss Penny. It’s a great pleasure to meet you.”
She advanced a couple of steps and said softly, “Good morning, Mr. Bonzo. I do not wish to be rude, but I am an Only Cat, an I much prefer humans to, no offense, DOGS. I’m not overly fond of cats, either. But I do read, an occasionally nibble on, your column, so, when my fren Renae told Kitty Mom that I should be in it, it seemed like a Cool Catnip idea. An you seem nice. An puhlite. An not scary.”
“I’m duh-lighted to hear it, Miss Penny,” I replied.
“Oh, I almost forgot. This is my Kitty Mom, Julie. My Kitty Dad is Arthur. He’s golfin’. Now, please explain how this innerview thing works.”
“It’s easy, Miss Penny. You tell me all about your life, and I write it down in This Very Notebook.”
“All right. So, I shall begin now. OK?”
As Miss Penny situated herself gracefully on the couch, I was happy she seemed relaxed. I noticed that she didn’t wrap her tail around her like other cats of my acquaintance do. Then, as she adjusted her puh-sition, I realized that she had no tail to wrap. None. Zip. Zero. Nada. ‘Hummm,’ I thought, as she began her story.
“Kitty Mom an Kitty Dad’s pree-vious cat, Binki, had to go to Kitty Heaven. Dad is a Total Cat Person, an, when he felt a Liddle Better an Not So Sad, he an Kitty Mom started looking for The Right Kitten. One day they visited HALO rescue, which happened to be where I’d been livin’ for seven months. Thank Garfield, even tho I wasn’t a kitten, the HALO person brought me out, just in case.”
“Woof!” I blurted. “Seven months!”
“I KNOW! Right? Anyway, I was so cute Kitty Mom an Kitty Dad couldn’t pass me up, so just like that, I had found my wonderful Furever Famly. It’s been about 2 years now.
“When I first got to HALO, they thought I was a BOY, if you can buh-leeve it. They called me Henry! When they ree-lized I am, in fact, a girl, they changed it to Henny, which is, like, Seriously? So Kitty Mom and Kitty Dad changed it to Penny. An sometimes Pretty Penny. It suits me, don’t you think?”
“Absolutely, Miss Penny! What’s life been like since then?”
“It took, like, 2 minutes for me to locate my potty box an my food an water dishes. And guess what? Kitty Dad built me my very own Really Cool Catnip liddle door so I could get to my potty box in the laundry room without having to open the big door.
“I spend much of my day on the screened luh-nye, observing the lizards, ra-butts an squirrels. Except when those humans come around with Big Scary Loud things called MOW-ers. Then, I hide. Wanna see my Favrite Toy?”
Penny zoomed off, then zoomed back carrying a liddle stuffy croissant, with a tiny beret and moustache. I was speechless. I thought I’d seen every stuffy toy known to Dog.
Setting the croissant gently down, she continued. “I love my wiggly tunnel from Aunt Francesca. I also enjoy boppin’ liddle fluffy pom-poms around, or my ball. That’s usually when I get The Zoomies: I go flying around the house really fast for No Apparent Reason, an leaping over stuff. Sometimes, in mid-Zoom, I slip on the tile and, since (you might have noticed) I don’t have a rudder, I occasionally bounce off the walls.”
For a second, I was like, ‘a rudder?” then I ree-lized she was refurring to her Lack Of Tail.
“I thought you were a Manx,” I said.
“No. I just came without one. Maybe whoever makes cats temporarily ran out of tails. Anyway, HALO had me all checked out to be sure I wasn’t missing anything else important. I wasn’t.
“I love helpin’ Kitty Mom and Kitty Dad play Scrabble. I watch quietly unless one of ’em misspells a word. Then I help ’em fix it. In the evening, we all watch TV. Mostly ice hockey, which my grampa played in college. Those hockey humans are almost fast as me.”
“Any pet pals?”
“Well, I do have a cat cousin, Sushi, but I haven’t met her in the fur yet. Same with my dog cousin Gracie, she’s a mini-Schnauzer. We’ve only met on Zoom.
“But I’m not just about naps an playin’. I pride myself on contributing to the family’s well-being. Every night, I patrol the perimeter, check all the doors, make sure all is well. Before I begin my rounds, Kitty Dad lifts me up on the bed (even though I can totally jump that high when I want to) so I can make sure him and Kitty Mom are tucked in safe and sound, an I can get in a few more ear and chin scratches.”
When my assistant handed Kitty Mom one of my bizness cards, Miss Penny exclaimed, “Oooh, I LOVE business cards. I sometimes jump on Kitty Dad’s desk an steal, I mean re-arrange, his. Maybe I can get some of my own, now that I’ll be FAY-muss, with my pickshur an story in the PAYpurr.”
Headin’ home, I was smiling, thinking about Pretty Penny an her rudderless Zoomies. Ackshully, I thought her lack-of-tail gave her a stylish, On Trend, sorta bunnyish look.
Till next time,
