This week I yapped with a GORE-juss 6-anna-half-year-old Golden Retriever, Brandi Lloyd, a professional grrrl with a deep red/gold coat; soft brown eyes; an long, graceful nose. Sigh.
We met Brandi at the law office where she works with her Mom an Dad, Brenda an Robin. Since a good part of her job is welcoming clients an makin’ em feel comf-tubble, she came right up for the Wag-an-Sniff, an Presented Paw for my assistant. She had a charming smile an was very soft-spoken.
“Good morning. Please come in. We’ll sit in the conference room,” she said sweetly, leading the way.
Her Mom an Dad joined us, an we all took spots around a Long Table. Brandi sat very straight in her chair, right next to her Dad, an laid her elbows delicately on the table. I was impressed. An a liddle flustered. I smoothed my ears, cleared my throat an opened my notebook. Brandi smiled and cocked her head.
“Umm,” I said cleverly. “So, why don’t we start with how you an your Forever Famly found each other. Then a liddle about your job and the stuff you like to do when you’re off work.”
“OK. Just let me know if I’m talking too fast. Well, I know that Dad had had dogs for years but, by the time I was born, him an Mom didn’t have a dog, which left a gap in the family dynamic, if you know what I mean.”
I did. “Beauty AN Brains,” I thought to myself.
“Mom an Dad found me online, an we met in Titusville. I was 9 weeks old. My kennel name was Mandy, which me an Mom an Dad thought was a liddle Meh. So they changed it. I think Brandi suits me, don’t you?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” I agreed.
“Mom an Dad started bringin’ me here to the office right away. I sorta grew up here. I learned MAN-ers pretty fast, an we discovered I am a Total People Pooch. Dad says I’m the most people-frenly dog he’s EVER HAD, an that I have a very relaxin’ effect on humans. Sometimes, Mr. Bonzo, when humans haff to figure important legal stuff out (which is what Dad helps ’em do), they get sorta stressed. This one time, a lady was cryin’ an cryin’, so I came over to help. I gave her liddle nose bumps, an she patted my soft fur, an it ackshully helped. I felt so proud. An I ree-lized how important my job was.”
“Woof, Brandi, that is a-MAZ-ing,” I said with admiration.
“Although greeting, an occasionally consulting with Dad, are important, I also serve as an overseer, making sure the staff is all situated an, if need be, barking, should anything be amiss. I don’t, however, bark at delivery humans because I quickly learned that, No. 1, they are very nice an trustworthy; and No. 2, they have TREATS.
“I was never tempted to chew Forbidden Stuff like shoes, cuz Mom an Dad wisely provided me with tons of chew toys.
“I love ridin’ in the car, an the motor home. Even as as pupper, I went everywhere with Mom an Dad. On Mondays we go to dinner at Vines. Saturday morning, it’s breakfast at Costa. Over in Mouse Town, there’s a hotel called the Grand Bohemian where they have – buh-leeve it or not, Mr. Bonzo – big gift baskets for DOGS. Super Crispy Dog Biscuits!”
“Hang on while I write that down,” I said.
“I’ve been to Savannah an St. Augustine, an preddy much most of the states in the southeast. One time we went through eight of em in 7 days, tryin’ to stay outta the way of that hurry-cane, Irma. Lemme see – there’s Al-uh-BAM-uh; tennis-SEE; FLOOR-uh-duh, of course; kun-TUCK-eee; West ver-GIN-yuh; um, an North an South care-uh-LINE-uh. I’ll either snooze in my own bed we bring from home; or sit up straight, with my seatbelt on, looking out the window. Humans in other cars smile an wave at me a lot.”
“Favorite snacks?” I wondered.
“Ah,” she said, “so many snacks, so liddle time. Humans are always bringin’ me yummy snacks. My favrites are the liddle, chewy, duh-li-shus turducken snacks. I could eat a whole bagful!”
“I hear ya,” I said, totally relating. “Any special pooch pals?”
“Well, at the Dog Park I usually go all Silly Puppy, an race around with whoever’s there. I usta hang with BooBoo, she a black lab; an Jeff. But I also totally love human kids, an boy, do they love playin’ with me, too.
“I frequently help Mom do her work-out. It’s an opportunity to hone my Downward Dog skills. Playin’ with Dad’s my favrite.”
“Do you like to play Fetch?” I asked.
“HellOOO,” she said with a smile. “I’m a Re-TREE-ver! I have a whole squadron of fancy tennis balls.”
“Way to go, Bonz,” I said to myself. Then, “do you like to swim?”
“Ackshully, no. But I do like goin’ out in the boat on the river. I sit up in front. I love that wind-in-the-ears, wild-an-free feelin’! But I’m totally NOT a water dog. Bein’ wet feels ukky, an it makes my hair a MESS. I have a weekly appointment at the Dog Spa for a shampoo an style, an mani-pedi. The spa ladies are Totally Cool Kibbles. Every week I can hardly wait to get there. I always wanna look my BEST in the workplace.”
“Well, you got that covered, for sure,” I murmured.
“When it’s time to dial it down a few notches,” Brandi continued, “I cuddle with Mom an watch TV, pretty much anything with a dog in it. At bedtime, I fall asleep in my own bed, right next to Mom’s an Dad’s.”
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about sweet, pretty Brandi an her soft, thick coat. Sigh. An wonderin’ whether I had a snowball’s chance in July of gettin’ Grandma an Grandpa to take me to The Bohemian for one of those Dog Gift Baskets. But a muffin’d do.
Till next time,
The Bonz
