First off, a big Woof-out to all you poocheroos who are bein’ The Best Dogs EVER for your humans, helpin’ ’em get through this Crazy Kibbles time without goin’ Barkin’ Bonkers. High Paw, Pooch Pals!
So, this week I innerviewed Jackson McLaughlin, a super snazzy 5-year-old English Cream Golden Doodle, very Metro but not a Snobnose. We met at his apartment on the beach, where him an his forever Famly are waiting for their new house to get built. We were a liddle early, so we were sittin’ out front onna nice bench, cuz Jackson had a Previous Engagement. Soon as he spotted me an my Assistant, he trotted right up for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“Hey, there! Mr. Bonzo, right? Pleasure to meet you. May I call you Bonz! I bet lotsa pooches call you ‘Bones’ at first, am I right?”
“Bonz is fine,” I replied. “Thanks for makin’ time for an innerview. I know you’re a Snowbird-dog, doin’ a lotta flyin’ back an forth. An you’re right, I do get a lotta ‘Bones’ at first. I’m use to it.”
“So, meet my Mommy an Daddy, Sandy an Al. Come’on, we’ll go on up where it’s cool.”
Elly-vadors always amaze me: go into a funny liddle room, close the door, get that funny feeling in your paws for a coupla seconds, then, the door opens an you’re Someplace Else. Way Cool Kibbles!
We got settled in, I opened my notebook, an Jackson began his Tail.
“I was born an raised at a Top Notch breeder in Kentucky. Then, when I was still an adorable puppy, I had this Life-Changin’ Ad-VEN-chur. It all began cuz Daddy’s a doctor, an him an a buncha other doctors were havin’ this big formal party – the Pink Tie Ball – to get lotsa money for fighting a very dangerous human duh-zeese called Breast Cancer. There was an AWK-shun, with Very Cool Stuff all displayed, real fancy so humans could write down or holler out how much money they’d pay. It’s called BIDDING. Then after all the writin’ and hollerin’ was done, whichever human had the biggest BID got whatever it was.”
“I’ve heard about that. Humans do it here, too,” I commented.
“Anyway, the humans who were planning the AWK-shun cleverly picked the most Super Cool, Irresis-tubble Stuff to bid on. An the Coolest, Irresis-tubble-est thing they could think of was – ME. So there I was, in Formal Attire anna pink Ribbon. All the humans oooh-ing an ahhh-ing.
“Mommy an Daddy weren’t lookin’ for a dog. They reminded each other they had a dog already, a rescue mutt named Tommy.
“But then they saw ME, wearin’ a pink ribbon, in all my Adorable Puppy Cuteness. Daddy says it was Love at First Sight. He told all his frens to NOT bid against him. Well, that didn’t work At All. At the end of the party, Mommy an Daddy drove home with a $4,000 Golden Doodle puppy anna huge basket of Puppy Stuff.”
“That has gotta be one of the Cool Kibble-est tails I’ve EVER heard,” I exclaimed. “How’d it go with Tommy?”
“I’ll just say Tommy wasn’t thrilled. I mean, he’d BEEN an Only Dog for a long time. An I was a typical happy, bouncy, annoying liddle brother. I loved him right away. He, on the Other Paw, was like, ‘Seriously?’ then he was like, ‘Whatever.’ Finally, we became BFFs an he was The Best Big Brother EVER. I always slept right on top of him. I still miss him.”
“Awwwww.” I pawsed. Then, “What’s your life like?”
“Ever since I was liddle, I’d go to work with Mommy. She was a Judge, an she’d wear this funny black robe, an sit behind a big sorta table called a Bench, an I’d curl up very quiet an polite right under it. She’d tell a lotta people what to do and sometimes hit the bench with this liddle hammer. Then we’d go home.
“I was always Very Well Buh-haved. Only thing, when Mommy an Daddy’d go somewhere without me – which didn’t happen that much – I got concerned. So I’d go get a shoe an relocate it. I didn’t chew it, though. Mommy took a video one time when she’d been gone, like, forever. It was this line of shoes all through the yard an garden. It was kinda embarrassing.
“I’ve done a lotta travelin’, too, mostly flyin’. I go up to Kentucky with Mom; or out to Montana and Colorado. I fly Southwest, in my Very Own Seat, next to Mommy. My favorite seat’s the Bulkhead cuzza more Paw Room. One time, we went out to Why-OH-ming to watch a Total Eee-clips of the SUN.”
“Shut the Doghouse Door!” I exclaimed. “That is SO Crispy Biscuits! Any special pooch pals?”
“My Kentucky girlfren is Penny. She’s Hungarian. A Vizsla. She comes over every night at 8 and we play till bedtime. I have a long walk with Daddy every day. At the dog park I mostly RUN. I do have this liddle thing, though. Balls. I LOVE them. When I see another pooch with a ball, I grab it an run all the way to our car. Mommy’s always apologizing on my be-HAFF. Penny taught me all about balls, so I guess I sorta feel en-TITLED.
“I love Barbie Dolls. An gettin’ cookies at the bank. I stand in line an patiently wait my turn. I also dig BLING. When Mommy worked part-time at a jewelry shop, I got to try on lotsa bling: tiaras, bangles.”
Jackson showed me some pick-shurs. He looked like a king!
“Any favrite snacks?”
“Yes! Good an Fun Ka-bobs with duck an chiggen. You GOTTA try one.” His Mom brought me a liddle bag.
Heading home, I was picturing how’d I’d look in blingy bangles. Jackson looked fabulous. But me? Probly not. I AM gonna see if Grandma will get me some of those duh-lishus Ka-bobs. (They didn’t make it all the way home, but I’m gonna show her the bag.)
Till next time,
The Bonz