This week I met Ted an Lily Kappus. The innerview was majorly fun, PLUS I learned about a new-to-me breed, Lakeland Terriers. I Googled an discovered Lakeland Terriers are from the Lake District of England, an they usta have the job of helpin’ farmers protect their sheep. (Later, Ted an Lily told me they wouldn’t know a sheep if they tripped over one.)
They were Super Cool Kibbles poocheroos and trotted right up for the Wag-an-Sniff. Kinda square an sturdy, with great poss-chur, they had curly hair cut short except for on their rectangular-shaped heads: long between their eyes, down their noses and around their mouths like a beard; nice tan coats, an Lily had a dark “saddle” on her back. Very On Trend, I thought. And they both had a big-dog-inna-small-dog-package swagger.
Lily was definitely Spokespooch: “Hi, Mr. Bonzo! I’m Lily Kappus. Well, ackshully, my Official Kennel Name is Miss London, but nobody calls me that. I’m 9. This is my big brother Ted, he’s gonna be 11. His fancy name is Theodore Von Kappus the Ninth, cuzza being our humans’ ninth pooch. And these are our humans, Tom an Louise.” She took a breath.
“A great pleasure,” I addressed them all, an we got settled in.
Ted an Lily curled up on mats by the window. “I call this Lily’s Pad! Get it?” Lily said as she nosed her mat, executed the traditional two-circles-in-place maneuver, plopped down an began their tail.
“Tom an Louise lived in Canada at the time. Before us, they had Airedales, Sadie an Hogan. (They always hadda have TWO pooches.) When Hogan went to Dog Heaven, they decided to downsize so, ’stead of another Airedale, they opted for a compact model as a new brother for Sadie. Us Lakelands look like Airedales, but liddler. They found a breeder in Virginia Beach an got the most adorable fluffball they could find.”
“Which was ME!” Ted chimed in. “Louise flew down to get me an we hadda go through customs. It was my first time flying but it wasn’t that scary, just a liddle loud. I got to sit in the cabin with Louise an I loved her right away. I thought she was The Berries!
“I learned a lot from Sadie (which I passed along to Lily), but Sadie hadda go to Dog Heaven. Then – well, wait’ll you hear Lily’s story.”
Lily continued. “I came from a good breeder but, when I was just a new pupper, she had Very Terrible Troubles an lotsa TURR-moil. Long tail short, I ended up livin’ inna CAGE for my first year anna haff.”
“OH, NO, Lily. How awful!” I gasped.
“It WAS! But, Thank Lassie, Tom an Louise were very smart humans and let Ted pick who he wanted for a liddle brother or sister. Even though I was gloomy and grumpy an didn’t know much about how to be a NOR-mull dog cuzza livin’ innna cage (PLUS, I’m kinda, well, Bossy), Ted uh-parent-ly saw something nobody else did.
“Louise was attracted to the cutest liddle pupster, but Ted just kept coming back to me. He knew that, even though I was younger, I was gonna be The Boss. An he was Totally Cool Kibbles with that. Finally, Louise an Tom decided to ‘Let Lily be Lily, an Ted be Ted.’ So here we are.”
“That is a GRRREAT tail, Lily. What was it like at first, not bein’ inna cage?”
“It was weird, but wunnerful! The first time I felt a carpet under my paws, I couldn’t buh-LEEVE how Soft an luck-JURY-us it was. I just rolled over an over on it. An, when I ree-lized I was gonna get ack-shull duh-li-shus food Two Times Every Single Day, ForEVER, I couldn’t stop thankin’ Tom an Louise with wags and kisses. Still do.”
“Good job pickin’ your liddle sis, Ted! So, what’s your thing? Protected any sheep lately?” I couldn’t help myself.
“Very funny, Bonz. I know us Lakelands are s’pose to chase VERMINS, but we don’t have a CLUE what a VERMIN even is, an anyway I don’t think we have any around here. Just squirrels an RA-butts, which I’m totally not into. What I’M into is the POOL. I could swim in it ALL DAY. Even when Tom tries to lure me out with chicken or cheese, I’m, like, NOPE! He says I’m ob-SESSED. I think that means soaking wet.”
“Up in Canada, we had 12 whole acres to explore,” Lily innerjected. “AN we had CHIGGENS! A whole bunch. An, guess what?”
“What?” I flipped a page.
“They got to be in an ack-shull MOVIE!”
“Shut the doghouse door!”
“It was called ‘Agnus of God.’ They were ALL in it. ’Cept the rooster. He ran away. Stage fright, or fear of being lunch, I think.”
I was speechless.
Lily calmly continued. “We both enjoy goin’ to our daycare – Paw Prints. We love Mr. Sean an Miss Kim. When we’re there, Ted ROOLS. He barks hello to our pooch pals an gets ’em to run around an play. We’re all very well behaved but, if anyone gets a liddle too bouncy, we have a Time Out in the Zen Den, where it’s dark an quiet an we have the opportunity to be all calm an explore our Inner Lassie.”
“Cool Kibbles! Any special pooch pals?”
“Mostly it’s just us, ’cept at Paw Prints. We had a Super Crispy Dog Biscuits human fren, our Gramma GiGi. She lived in a nice place with other human frens. We’d visit her a lot, and everybody there totally loved us. We made them happy, which made us happy. Gramma GiGi was The Best!”
They showed me a pickshur of them with their Gramma GiGi. I hadda wipe my eyes.
Heading home, I was wonderin’ how I’d fit Lily an Ted’s whole tail into one column. An still smilin’ about another pick-shur they showed me: them sittin’ side-by-side on the beach wearin’ red bandannas. Lily’s said Naughty and Ted’s said Nice.
Till next time,
The Bonz
