I’m sure you noticed, I’ve been in a whirl of Golden Retrievers recently. Their tails are different, but they all have that frenly, easy-goin’ nature.
This week I innerviewed Lizzie Doodle-Annie Wild. Her golden coat was turning a nice cream color around her face, and she wore a bright red collar with her name on it. After the Wag-an-Sniff, she sat puh-lightly for a duh-licious turkey-an-sweet puh-tay-doh snack from my assistant.
“I’m Lizzie. This is my Mom, Patti, an my Dad, Jeff.”
After getting a nod from her Dad, Lizzie puh-lightly requested another snack from my Assistant, then curled up and began her tail.
“I was born in a nice kennel in Pencil-VANE-yuh in 2009. I was the RUNT, which is, in my opinion, a Dismal Dog Biscuits name for the most petite, delicate an adorable pooch of the litter.”
“Word!” I agreed.
“This part’s a liddle confusing, so you might want to use, like, numbers or arrows or something: Anyway, long, long ago, when Mom an Dad were livin’ in Ohio, they had Lucy, who wasn’t a Golden Retriever. They totally loved her, of course, even though she ate their mattress an caused a lotta fluff to go everywhere. After Lucy, they got Libby, their first Golden. When Libby went to Dog Heaven in 2004, they got another Golden, Lexie, cuz by then they ree-lized how Totally Pawsome Dog Biscuits us Goldens are. Lexie was an Only Pooch till 2009, when Mom an Dad found out Lexie’s kennel had a new bunch of puppers. Mom drove to Pencil-VANE-yuh to see us in The Fur. WELL, when she saw how petite, delicate an adorable I was, an how I wasn’t gettin’ as much Mommy Milk as my bigger brothers an sisters, she put me on Layaway and drove back up soon as I got to be 8 weeks old.
“She fixed a snuggly liddle bed in the car, an made a lotta stops so I could Do My Duty an slurp some water. I was a Very Good Grrrl for the Entire 5 Hours.
“Lexie was 5 by then, an I was a ram-BUNK-shus liddle pupster, so I think I made her sorta bananas by jumpin’ on her an nibbling her ears an tail an always wantin’ to Play! Play! Play! Whenever I got on Lexie’s Very Last Nerve, Mom would put me in the bedroom with my mat and toys to give Lexie a Break.
“Lexie was the Best Big Sister EVER, an when I got a liddle older, we started being Best Frens. We did EVERYTHING together. I learned so much val-yubble Dog Stuff from her. Our breeder gave us Basic Puppy Behavior Lessons with our Forever Famly, so neither Lexie or me got in much trouble. An I’m Very Well Buh-haved when I visit my vet. I think I’m his fav-rite pooch. Lexie taught me that the Vet is a Very Important Human an I should never Act Up during my appointment.”
Lizzie showed me a pawsome pick-shur of her an Lexie wearin’ Santa hats, an said softly, “Lexie went to Dog Heaven, it hasn’t quite been a year now. Me an Mom an Dad miss her every day.”
“I totally understand,” I said. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Then, “I noticed that nice, big toy basket. Do you have any favrites?”
She selected a yellow duck from the pile. “Yeff! Thiff DUG!” She placed it on the floor. “And my crocodile. An my pink pig. I NEVER tear ’em up.
“All I do is carefully remove the squeakers an bring ’em to Mom, so she can dispose of ’em properly.”
“A wise decision. I bet you have lots of Pooch Pals?”
“Me an Sydney an Coco are BFFs. We play together an have leash walks. When my human sister Cassie visits from Texas, I get to play with Brody. Then there’re my neeces Maisy, a mixture, an Sadie, a Golden like me, an my other human sisters Allison and Suzanne an human neeces an nef-fews Grace, Hayden, Brooks an Henry. They all stay with us when there’s gonna be a hurry-cane. AN, I’m way excited about my Bran New Neece, Lennox. I’m meetin’ her for the first time when her famly comes for Christ-muss. I’m practicin’ my Gentle Paws an Soft Slurps.”
“Being a Retriever an all, I assume you like swimming,” I remarked.
“NO!” Lizzie said firmly. “I DON’T swim. Mom tried to teach me an Lexie once, but that didn’t work out. I don’t like gettin’ wet. I don’t CARE if every other Retriever in the world likes swimming. I DON’T. I’m a Momma’s Grrrl. I like wearing pretty bandannas on special holidays. What I really like to do is watch TV. Anything with a dog in it. Also, when Mom goes to bed, I snuggle next to her an we watch the Hallmark Channel. Later, before Dad goes to bed, he takes me out to Do My Duty, then I move over to the middle of the bed an it’s Lights Out.”
“Any favrite foodstuffs?”
“Crunchy Baby Carrots! Also, The Customary Last Bite. Me an Lexie’d sit patiently by the table an NOT Beg. Then we’d get Mom’s an Dad’s Last Bite.”
“Note to Self,” I thought. Then, “I’ve been wantin’ to ask about your Cool Kibbles name, Lizzie Doddle-Annie. What’s up with that?”
“I wondered at first, too: the ‘Lizzie’ comes from my sister Suzanne’s middle name, Elizabeth. The ‘Doodle’s from my sister Cassie …”
“But, how …?”
“Mom and Dad called her Doodle when she was liddle.”
“Oh. Got it.”
“An ‘Annie’ comes from my sister Allison’s middle name, Ann.”
“WOOF!”
“I KNOW!” Lizzie replied. “I think it makes me you-NEEK, don’t you?”
“Abso-woofin’-LOOT-ly!”
Headin’ home, I was feelin’ extra lucky, gettin’ to meet so many pawsome pooches an hearin’ all sorts of different tails. I was also thinkin’ I would suggest that Last Bite idea to my Gramma an Grampa. I’ll let you know how it works out.
Till next time,
The Bonz
