For this column, I was originally gonna innerview two pooches, Koko an Shorty, but I ended up only meeting Koko. Both of them got to do the coolest thing during Christmas: they were part of the cast of a big Christmas show called “Muttcracker on the Indian River.” Well, ackshully, it’s “Nutcracker” in Human, “Muttcracker” in Dog. Wait’ll you hear!
Me an my assistant were greeted by two nice ladies, Tammy an Tracey, an we got settled in a big sunny room. Tammy went out an returned with a hansome brindle pooch, about my size, long-leggedy, nice square head an frenly brown eyes, walkin’ very politely onna leash, wagging to beat the band. He approached for the Wag-an-Sniff, and greeted my assistant with some nudges. His nice long tail never once stopped waggin.’
“Good morning, good morning! I’m Koko. It is so Crunchy Dog Biscuits that you’re gonna write about our theater gig. We’re SO psyched!”
“A pleasure, Koko. I’d like to know how you got here and what your life’s like now, ’specially since the big show.”
“Sure, Bonz … may I call you Bonz?”
“Absolutely.”
“First off, I am a mutt, an I’m not ashamed to say it. Before I came here, I lived with my Mom, a kind, loving human who took good care of me. We had daily walks, an lotsa car rides, which I loved. I had my own bed, an yummy food. But one day, Mom broke her leg real bad. She couldn’t walk me anymore, or take me for rides, an she wouldn’t be able to till her leg got better, which was gonna be a real long time.
“It was right before Christmas but, even though it made us both sad, she had to give me up For My Own Good. So here I am. I miss Mom, of course, but it’s ackshully pretty cool here. I hadda be in quor-in-teen for five days cuz You Can’t Be Too Careful. Then, after I got checked out an spiffed up (an had the No Puppies Procedure, which wasn’t that bad), I officially became a Certified American Shelter Dog, and got put on The Adoption Floor, where humans come to look for The Right Pooch. I haven’t been anyone’s Right Pooch yet, bein’ busy with the show an all …”
“How did all that happen? I mean, did you hafta audition? I bet you never thought you’d be in Show Biz.”
“You got THAT right. What happened was, the humans in charge of the show, Adam an Camilo, called here lookin’ for a coupla pooches to be in the show: they hadda have Good Manners anna Very Frenly, Easy-Goin’ Attitude, which is pretty much me to a T. My audition was a success, an so was Shorty’s. (We each did one night.) Here’s the Totally Cool Kibbles thing: the ‘Bal-A Vero Beach’ humans an the Humane Society humans decided to be PART-ners. The show’s official name was ‘Nutcracker on the Indian River,’ but they also called it ‘Muttcracker,’ because we were not only gonna act, but also let people know about pooches like us who are lookin’ for Forever Famlies. We even got our PIK-shurs in the program, like the human actors. Seriously Crispy Dog Biscuits!”
“Woof, Koko! That’s wa-ay exciting! So, did you rehearse? What was it like on stage? Were you nervous?”
“First time I was on stage, it felt Very Big. It had a set, which is a lotta stuff that makes the plain old stage look like Someplace Else. In the part I was in, Act 1, Scene 3, the set was a train station. I hadda learn to not be distracted by the bright lights; learn about blocking (where I’m s’pose to be); Q’s (when to do something); an pretendin’ (like I was meetin’ a bunch of grown-ups and liddle kids). It was ackshully fun: I love humans, ’spechully liddle ones, and I got lots of pats. Camilo was my stage partner. He played ‘Officer Maltese,’ an I (well, me an Shorty) played his Faithful Companion. He held my leash, an gave me Strategic Treats on stage, which was a very duh-licious PERK. PLUS, Camilo is the bal-A Master, an when we weren’t on stage, he showed me some Pawsome Moves. He can leap higher than I can, buh-leeve it or not.”
“Woof! So, what IS Shorty’s story? Why isn’t he here?”
“Shorty was a stray. A Pooch of the Streets. He was spotted by Animal Control (the Pooch Police: firm but nice). The liddle dude was all skinny, banged up, an totally freaked out when they bought him in. I tried to tell him things were gonna be OK, but it took him a while.”
“But where is he now?”
“One he got tidied up an put on some weight, he turned into a very cute pooch, the kind humans are drawn too, if you know what I mean.”
“I do,” I said.
“He didn’t make this innerview because he got a-DOP-ted! I JUST found out this morning. I’m so happy for him.”
“Best. Christmas. Present. EVER!”
“Absolutely.”
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about Shorty’s happy holiday ending, and hopin’ Koko, an all the other Certified American Shelter Dogs, would get their own Happy Endings. An thinking how lucky I am to have my Gramma an Grandpa waiting for me.
Till next time,
The Bonz