This week I innerviewed Kaia Geary, one of the happiest, most joyful, fun-loving poocheroos I’ve ever met. She’s a Lab. Anna blonde. Anna long-leggedy Tomboy.
Soon as the front door opened, there she was, all frenly, and she bounded right up for the Wag-an-Sniff.
“Hi, Mr. Bonzo! I’m Kaia. It rhymes with ‘Hi ya!’ It’s Hawaiian for ocean, cuz, see, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the ocean, ’specially splashin’ around in the waves. Do you like the ocean? This is my Mom and Dad, Elise an Leon. Even though I’m only three anna half I’ve already had lotsa adVENchurs. Wanna hear about ’em? So let’s go sit down, OK? Is that your notebook? Do I get my pickshur taken? This is my first innerview! Do you wanna snack? Or water?” She took a breath, and, while she was showing my assistant a soggy but intact stuffed squirrel-onna-rope, I grabbed the opening. Of course I had to say, “Hi ya, Kaia! Don’t get to the ocean much. I mostly swim in my pool. I can’t wait to hear all about your adVENchurs. Yep, this is where I write all about you. Yep, my photographer is gonna take your pickchur. No snack for me. Thank you, tho.”
She petooied the squirrel-onna-rope out.
“OK, start writin’ now! Ready, GO!” I grabbed my pencil and Kaia began. “Before me, Mom an Dad hadda black Lab named Romy, super pretty, a total Girlie Grrrl. Very puh-teet. Nothing like me, ’cept for bein’ a grrrl. When she got sick an went to Dog Heaven, Mom an Dad missed her SO much, an wanted another Lab, so they went back to the same breeder. They explained they didn’t want a hunting dog or a competition pooch, just a loveable pet. So, with the breeder’s help, Mom an Dad picked me. I’m fer sure no hunter or competition dog, I’m more of a field dog, which means I LOVE runnin,’ an swimmin’ and retrievin.’ Plus I was a loveable (check), enthusiastic an extremely cuddly puppy.
“I think I was more of handful than Mom an Dad expected, an I hadda go to a buncha classes to sorta curb my enthusiasm. Since I’m very smart, I was a good stoodent. Because Mom an Dad had Previous Dog Experience, they put all the chew-upable, breakable stuff up off the floor when they first bought me home, so I wouldn’t get TEMPTED. Mom pre-EMP-tively took the stuffins outta my squirrel-onna-rope, which I’ve had for years now. I might have nibbled on a few shoes at first, but I never totally destroyed anything.
“Me an Dad have this morning roo-TEEN: we do YO-gurt. Dad taught me the Down Dog, an now I do it better than him. An I have a Pawsome Pooch Posse: there’s Finn, Tatey, Maddie, Kiki, Bitsy, Nola, Katie, an – oh, poo, I’m always forgettin’ names.”
Kaia lowered her voice. “Mom an Dad got me my very own comfy dog bed, which I usually nap in. But, at night, I sleep in the big bed with them. After two years, I pretty much have them trained.”
“Sounds like it,” I observed. “Tell me about your adVENchurs.”
“That’s the main reason I woofmailed you! Last July I FLEW ON AN AIRPLANE! INSIDE THE CABIN! WITH MY OWN SEAT!!”
“Shut the doghouse door!”
“I’m not woofin’! See, Mom an Dad would NEVER ship me in cargo, an they ab-so-LUTE-ly would NEVER get me fake service dog papers. So I stayed home a lot. THEN, they discovered this Pawsome plane compnee called Elite Airways, right here in town, an Guess What? They allow big dogs like me (I’m 70 pounds) to ride with their humans. They just hadda buy me a ticket. Which they DID, an I got to fly with them onna 3-hour non-stop trip to MAINE (which is much chillier than here).”
“Weren’t you nervous?” I inquired.
“I was KINDA nervous when we were waitin’ in the airport lounge. There were two other pooches, an one of ’em kept barkin’ at me, which was scary. But he later told me he’d just been nervous like me. Then, walkin’ out to the plane, it was real noisy, an I was concerned, till Mom an Dad said to not worry. So I calmly got into my seat, just like I do in our van. Only thing was, the airplane people wouldn’t open my window so I could stick me head out. Oh well.
“When it was time to fly home, I was Cool Kibbles – until I went through that security gate thing-y an the alarm went off cuzza the metal in my collar, harness and leash. This Official Security Human said to this other Official Security Human, ‘What do I do?’ An the other Official Security Human said, ‘Well, just pat her down,’ which was fine by me, cuz I love pats.”
At that point, I was writing as fast as I could, an wishin’ I’d learned shortpaw.
“THEN,” Kaia continued, “Guess WHAT? We were sitting in the airport waiting place. Dad had his foot on my leash. Mom hurried off to rest inna room somewhere, an I watched her till I couldn’t see her anymore.
Then I got worried. Where WAS Mom? Was she OK? Was she ever coming BACK? So I leaped up, yanked the leash out from under Dad’s foot, and start running as fast as I could in the direction she’d gone. Dad an a buncha other people tried to catch me, but I was like a Blonde Rocket, didn’t stop till I came to a gate. Finally, somebody grabbed me an handed my leash to Dad. By the time Mom got back, we were back, sitting quietly. I wasn’t even pantin’ hard. I think Dad was, though. Woof, was that ever FUN.”
Heading home, I was smiling,’ thinkin’ about pretty, happy, tomboy Kaia an her excitin’ stories. I couldn’t believe how fast an hour had passed, an I was still smilin’ when I arrived.
Till next time,
The Bonz
