“Woof!” Getting’ all pruh-pared for a hurry-cane can be a liddle intense, doncha think? I hope you poocheroos didn’t get too ner-vus, an I know you’re gonna like big, beautiful, adorable Lilo Romero, this week’s innerviewee.
Lilo’s an almost-4-year-old Rottweiler, still a happy puppy at heart. She greeted me an my assistant with grrreat enthusiasm, galloping right up for the Wag-(LEAN)-an-Sniff. I almost toppled over.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Lilo,” I said, regaining my balance.
“Oh, Mr. Bonzo,” she continued happily. “You’re even hansomer in the fur than in your pickshur! I was so egg-sided when Momma told me about the innerview. She’s Triana.” Lilo nudged her Mom. “An this is my Dad, Brian.” She nose-bumped her Dad, who was, fortunately, already sitting on the couch. “I also have a sister, Luna, she’s around somewhere. She’s 15 in human. Anna brother, Sebastian, he’s elsewhere right now. He’s 7. An then there’s Pepper an Buddha.” Lilo pointed a paw at a big cage in the corner. “Pepper’s a pair-uht.”
“Humpf!” Pepper said.
“Pepper’s a liddle grumpy,” said Lilo.
Pepper was a very hansome figure, I thought. For a bird. I always wondered if those feathers were itchy, but never had the nerve to ask. My interface with birds has been limited and, as a spaniel, my ancestral instinks in regard to birds are a liddle, well, disconcerting.
“Good afternoon, Pepper,” I said. Then to Lilo, “Ummm, who’s Buddha?”
“Buddha’s a cuh-meely-un: one of those funny animals with a long skinny tail an No Fur. An weird eyes. One can go one way and the other can go a totally different way AT THE SAME TIME! An, guess what? Buddha can change color. It’s uh-MAY-zing!”
I glanced around, trying not to look nervous. “Where does he usually hang out?” I inquired nonchalantly.
“Oh, he’s kinda shy around comp-nee. So whaddya wanna ask?”
“Well, first, how’d you get your Forever Famly?”
“I was a Christmas present for my Momma from a fren, when I was a tiny, fluffy puppy, 8 weeks old, an totally off the Cute Charts. My big sister Luna named me. I love my name. I right away got to meet their other pooch, Karma, a yellow Lab. She was Gettin’ Up There, and she had to put up with bouncy me, a silly puppy with sharp liddle puppy teeth. I usta nibble her sometimes, then she hadda put me in my place. We ended up bein’ very close.
“Then, after two years, she told me it was time for her to leave an go to Dog Heaven. I wanted to go with her, but she explained that evry pooch has her own schedule. I still think about Karma a lot.”
I wiped my eyes with my paw. “Got any neighborhood pooch pals?”
“My best fren in the world was Rasta. He was a neighborhood Rottie like me, an he buh-longed to Brian before he was my Dad. Anyway (this is such a Cool Kibbles story) Rasta was always Very Obedient. Except for this one time. I was outside playin’ an Rasta saw me an just HADDA came visit me even though his Dad told him to STAY. So Rasta ran over to my yard with his Dad right behind. Momma heard the commotion an came outside. An that’s how Momma an Dad met. We all say that Rasta brought Momma an Dad together. Isn’t that ro-MAN-tick?”
“Totally!” I agreed.
Lilo sniffed. Her voice got softer. “Then the dog doctor discovered Rasta had a TOO-mer, an it wasn’t long after that he hadda go to Dog Heaven. But, he waited ’til he innerduced Momma an Dad.”
“Oh. Woof.” We didn’t say anything for a liddle while. Then I rallied. “So, what’s your day like?”
“At home, one of my favrite things is lookin’ at my frens in that big tank with all the water an shells an bubbles. Momma has it instead of a TV. My tank frens are called FISH. They’re so innersting. They don’t even haff to hold their noses. I don’t even know if they HAVE noses. I love to just sit an watch ’em. Sometimes I bark at ’em. They swim over an say ‘Hi!’ with their funny liddle fish faces. I usta hunt lizards (not Buddha, of course). But one time, in the excitement of the moment, I unintentionally ate one and got Real Sick, so I’m trying to not do that anymore.
“I also have a pooch posse: me; Portis, a white-colored Lab; an Boomer, a Newfoundland. They’re brothers. But I’M the leader cuz, even though I’m smallest, anna girl, I’m the Fastest an Fiercest.
“I’m also Captain of the Neighborhood Watch. See, I have this Really Ferocious growl an bark. I often sit on the couch an watch for Bad Guys. Check out my bark.”
She let out a truly excellent, I’m-Not-Foolin’-Around bark that made me very glad I wasn’t a Bad Guy. I picked my notebook off the floor an smoothed my ears. “Woof! Lilo! That was Really Something!”
“I KNOW! Right? So, when my brother Sebastian is here, I usually sleep with him. Since I also LOVE to LEAN, I have, on occasion, accidently knocked him over. When school is in, I faithfully wait for the school bus.”
“Any favorite foodstuffs?”
“Weeell. I get plain ol’ kibbles. But I also get appropriate human tablefood. But I’m not allowed to bark or beg. Dad is VERY STRICK. I do give Momma an Dad the Irresistible Puppy Eyes, of course. Dad asks me to Sit Quietly an not just slurp the food up. Then, when he says GO, I eat it. I do the same with Sebastian. Dad says it’s Good Dis-uh-plinn. I don’t know what that means, but, since I get treats, I don’t care.”
Heading home, I was thinkin’ about Lilo’s happy, multi-species, blended famly. An about those Irresistible Puppy Eyes, which she totally still has. I was glad I’d remembered to give her my card. Sigh.
Till next time,
The Bonz
