This week I met a liddle Scottish lady, Tiger Lily Macintosh, a Cairn Terrier who was rescued with a buncha other lady pooches who’d lived in cages their whole life, an were used as “Breeders.” We’ve all heard stories about that, right
Anyway, Tiger Lily saw a pickshur in my column of McCormick Del Brocco Riippa sittin’ in front of his Christmas tree, and woof-mailed me a pickshur of her an her Forever Dad puttin’ up THEIR tree. She said she was a rescue, an wondered if I’d like to innerview her, too. Of course I would. So we set it up.
She was very fem-uh-nun and frenly. Came right up for the Wag-an-Sniff, an innerduced me to her Mom an Dad, Cathy an Rich.
“Can I get you anything?” she inquired puh-litely. “Some water. A Pupperoni?”
“I’m good,” I said. “Thank you, though.” I opened my notebook. “I’d love to hear how you an your Forever Mom an Dad first met. An about your previous life, if it’s not too upsetting.”
“It used to be, but I’m better now,” she said sweetly. “Ever since we left our pooch Mommies an siblings, me an a buncha other girl pooches lived in cages an, soon as we could, we hadda have puppies, as fast as possible. The Humans in Charge sold our puppies as fast as we had ’em. I don’t even know how many I had. An in between we stayed in our cages. It was awful. It still makes me sad thinkin’ about it.
“Then, this one day, some Good Humans swooped in an saved us an took us to a place where other Good Humans were workin’ to find us Forever Homes. Here’s the amazin’ part, Mr. Bonzo. My Mom an Dad had been lookin’ for a dog. At first, Mom wanted a Cocker Spaniel. (Don’t ask me why). But when they were lookin’ at pickshurs in the paper of all us rescued Mommy Dogs, they decided to check us out in the fur. We were all in a big bunch, but I was at the back of the pack, an I caught their eyes. Dad said, ‘I like THAT one!’ The Rescue Person said, “You Don’t Want THAT one. She’s a Spinner.’”
“Whatsa spinner?” I interrupted.
“It’s when you’re onna leash and you keep spinnin’ around and around, so you an the leash an the human holdin’ it get all tangled up. An sometimes they can just topple right over. If you’re walkin’ with other dogs, it’s even worse. Well, I admit, I did do that with the Rescue Person. I didn’t mean to be bad, but I’d never really hadda leash walk, an I didn’t have a clue about Leash Etiquette. An when I got scared or nervous, I’d spin.
“Well, Dad asked the Rescue Person to let him try: they put my leash on and handed it to Dad. Buh-leave it or not, Mr. Bonzo, I wasn’t scared or nervous or ANYthing. I somehow knew Dad was a Kind Human. I don’t know how. I just knew. Anyway, we walked way up an way back, an it was ackshully nice. I didn’t even think about spinning. An that’s when my new life began.”
“What was it like at first?” I inquired.
“Since I’d only ever lived inna cage, I didn’t even know what a HOUSE was. Or STAIRS. It was a liddle scary. Evrything was So Big. Also, I didn’t know about Potty Training. I had No Idea there were different places for different things. When Mom an Dad taught me about Outside, an grass, an trees an bushes, I was So Excited. It was wunnerful having different places to play, Do My Duty, sleep, eat, an snuggle with Mom an Dad.
“Back then we lived in New York, on Shelter Island, which you can only get to onna ferry. THAT was exciting. There were lotsa deer livin’ there so, when I found out a Cairn Terrier’s job was to hunt Highlands deer, I tried chasin’ ’em. But they were too fast. That was kinda embarrassing, but I ree-lized it was For The Best. I mean, what if I had ackhully caught UP to one?
“Good point,” I innerjected. “What do you do for fun?”
“I love playin’ with other dogs. An I like leash walks with Dad, cuz we get to meet all our neighbors. I usta pull a liddle (well, a lot), but now I slow down an smell the flowers. An bushes. An blades of grass. An bugs. I have NU-mer-us toys. I carefully put them all inna circle, an put some kibbles in front of each one. Mom says it’s probly my in-stinks, cuz I didn’t have a chance to be a mommy to my puppies.
“When Mom has a buncha ladies over for bridge or mahjong, they just sit at tables, an I get BORED, so Dad takes me out for a cheeseburger an ice dream. (Did I mention, I’m a Daddy’s Girl?) Me an Dad also put up all our Christmas decorations: liddle white lights an special, old orna-mutts on the tree, and white lights outside in the bushes. It’s a Very Important Job.
“Here in Orchid Island, there’s big fireworks evry year. Lotsa my pooch frens go all Frantic an ’Fraidydog an hide under the bed. But not ME. I don’t really like the noise, but I don’t get scared. Now thunder, that’s an entirely different matter. But I still don’t hide under the bed. That’s just silly … I hide in the bathroom.”
Heading home, I was contemplating what I would do if I happened to be chasing a deer and ackshully caught up with it. Even though I’m a retriever, I don’t think I could carry him or her. Maybe I’d just invite ’em over for a water … or a Pupperoni.
Till next time,
The Bonz
