This week I yapped with a sturdy, stocky English Bulldog, 7 Sangbush, who I thought looked like Winston Churchill. (Have I mentioned I’m an Anglophile?) Anyway, 7’s a rescue, 50 pounds of muscle, whiffles that wiggle when he walks. A neat and tidy poocheroo.
7 was outside onna leash, with his Mom, when we arrived.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Sangbush. It’s a pleasure.”
“Likewise. You may call me 7. On behalf of myself an my Momma, Cheryl, welcome to our home.”
After the Wag-and-Sniff, 7 led the way inside. (Since his tail was sorta like a curled-up donut on his caboose, his wag was more like a vibration. Totally Cool Kibbles.)
He left briefly and returned dragging this HUGE length of rope (like, big enough to moor a ship) with a BIG knot at one end. He plopped it down nearby an stretched out on the floor, his short back legs out behind.
“I read your work, so I know you wanna hear how I met my Momma and what my life’s like, right?”
“Exactly. I’m ready when you are.” I opened my notebook, thinking, “This pooch is On the Ball.” And also, “Woof, that is one seriously large piece of rope!”
“I’m ackshully my Momma’s fifth English Bulldog. When it was Time, she was lookin’ around an found a pickshur of me on the Boca Bulldog Rescue website. I was a puppy, then, with a pink collar that said ‘Real Men Wear Pink.’ I was a cute, tough liddle muffin back then, I must say. My first owner was a Japanese exchange student who couldn’t keep me; her school schedule took up so much time, an us bulldogs need Lotsa Exercise an Attention.
“Me an Momma hit it off right away. I did have a few puppy Habits that we hadda work on. Like where I should an shouldn’t Do My Duty. An Chewin.’ That was challenging. See, I LOVE to chew Leathergoods. It’s so relaxing an comforting. I chewed Momma’s wallet. An cardholder. An checkbook. An the handle of her purse. I’ve mostly got it conquered now, though. Mostly. I have this big ol’ rope with a knot that also helps. I don’t know if you noticed.”
“Um, yes, I did,” I told him. Sorta like the elephant in the room, I was thinkin.’
He continued. “Momma’s real active like me, an we have the best time together. I get lotsa walks, an we go paddle boarding all the time. (I have my own lifejacket.) I have Excellent Balance, an I run back an forth on that paddle board, between Momma’s legs. I keep tryin’ to bite the waves, but they’re usually too quick.
“I love the beach, too. We go there a lot, cuz it’s real nearby. Soon as we make that right turn, I know we’re headin’ for the beach an I get all excited. I run an run an nip at the liddle waves, like on my paddle board. One time, when I was down the beach chasin’ waves, I got dognapped.”
“Wait! Wha-at?” I innerrupted. “Dognapped?”
“Yep. I was a puppy still, back in 2013. Momma hadda work, so her fren was dogsittin’ me. He musta got distracted, an I was priddy far up the beach. Alluva sudden, this human guy scooped me up an took me home with him. His family was nice an all. There were two liddle humans, an they bought me a new collar. But I knew something was wrong. Where was my Momma? I hadda collar anna chip, so I hoped she’d find me.”
“Oh, for Lassie’s Sake,” I exclaimed.
“Momma was VERY di-STRESSED! She put up hundruds of posters with my PICKshur, an went online, told all her frens an offered a reWARD. (That’s one of those human things. It’s called in-SEN-tive.) Three days later, a neighbor of the dognapper recognized my pickshur an called Momma an she came an rescued me. Woof, was I happy to see her. I started followin’ her everywhere. I didn’t want her to ever go anywhere without me. I still don’t.”
“I’d feel the same way.”
“When I was a puppy, I slept with Momma. But then, I started snoring. Real Loud. We were inna liddle apartment, so Momma hadda wear earmuffs. Now, I still snore, but I have my own room. I would never snore on purpose, but it’s cool to have my own room. Plus, if I’m still keepin’ Momma awake, she says, ‘7, you’re snoring,’ an I roll onto my tummy. (I only snore on my side.)”
“That is Totally Crunchy Dog Biscuits! So, do you have pooch pals? An what sorta stuff do you like to eat?”
“My BFFs are Jackson, a Lab; Tweetie, a terrier; an Tonic, a Wy-mer-awner. We’re Walk Pals.
“I have a strict diet cuz us English Bulldogs have Sen-suh-TI-vuddies. No grain. Only raw food. Momma keeps it frozen, an thaws it just before dinnertime, cuz it hasta be served cold. I get a liddle banana sometimes. Plus, coconuts! I can totally shred a coconut so Momma can drink the milk an I get the yummy part.”
“Woof! That’s aMAZing!”
“Baths are The Best. Momma hollers ‘Bathtime!’ an I jump right in the tub. I love my bath massage an getting towel-dried. An dog! do I smell good.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask, how’d you get your intresting name?” I inquired.
“Ackshully, Bonzo, I already had it when Momma got me. It’s a MISS-tree.”
As we were leaving, 7 was already rollin’ around on the floor with his Gigantic Rope, makin’ growly noises. That was one happy pooch.
Heading home, I was pickshurin’ 7 happily shredding the fluff out of a coconut then delicately munching the yummy part. An thinkin’ how scary it musta been to get dognapped. I was eager to get home to my Gramma an Grampa.
Till next time,
The Bonz