This week I had a fun yap with an energetic, happy liddle rat terrier/chihuahua mix, Vader Crawford, who has a really fun job: Chief Security Officer an Official Greeter in a kite store! An, Dog, can he greet! Soon as me an my assistant walked in, he pranced right over with some welcoming woofs and the most enthusiastic Wag-an-Sniff EVER. It was ackhully a WagWagWagWagWag-n-Sniff. An it wasn’t just Your Basic Tail Wag. It was a Full Body Wag, sniffer to caboose. Impressive. And a liddle dizzying. Vader’s a middle-sized pooch, short black coat, wearin’ a Cool Kibbles black vest with the word ‘SECURITY’ in white.
“WELLcome Mr. Bonzo an Mr. Bonzo’s Assistant! I’m Vader Crawford. THIS is my Mom, Lisa, an my Dad, Brian. Just sit anywhere you want. I hope you found us OK.”
“We sure did,” I told him. “Soon as we spotted those colorful kites an flags an twirly thingys out by the road, we knew it was your place.”
“Ah mumpf pfo,” he said.
“’Scuse me?” Vader had grabbed a chartreuse tennis ball, which filled his entire mouth. He dropped it at his Mom’s feet an took off like rocket toward the back of the store, past rolls of shiny material in all colors. His Mom tossed the ball. After a coupla rounds of Fetch, Vader, the ball firmly clutched in his mouth, plopped down on a liddle square of carpet and began to roll. An roll. An roll. Then he popped up, an came scootin’ back.
“It’s my favrite toy! I sleep with it, even!” He gave the soggy ball a nudge with his nose. “I also like paper plates. An those spinny things. Mom calls ’em tops. She has ’em for the human kids, but I sometimes sneak one to play with. Mom says I’m a Dork. Anyway, you’re gonna ask me some stuff, right?”
“Let’s start with how you met your Forever Famly.”
“OK. Well, about three years ago Mom’s brother went to Heaven, an Mom was real, real sad. Her frens decided she needed puppy therapy. Us dogs have a gift for making humans feel much better, you know.”
“You’re absolutely right,” I agreed. “It’s probly the most important thing we do.”
“I was livin’ with Mom’s frens at the time. They’d named me Yaeger(meister), for Lassie’s Sake. I was like, ‘What’s up with THAT?’
“Mom came to see me, and we liked each other right away. She was like, ‘You’re gonna be my dog! But we gotta change that name!’ An I’m like, ‘Work’s for me!’ So pretty soon Mom took me home, an changed my name to Vader, cuzza my black coat (she mostly calls me Darth Vader-roosky). To tell you the truth, Mr. Bonzo, I woulda been totally okey-dokey with Fido or Rover, or even Fred, cuz I got the perfect Mom an Dad. You know what us pooches say: ‘You can call me anything, as long you call me for dinner.’”
“Seriously, Vader? That one’s older than Lassie.” We laughed. “Anyway, you did end up with a Totally Cool Kibbles name! So, tell me a liddle about your routine: playin,’ workin,’ eatin,’ stuff like that.”
“I always wanna be wherever Mom is, which is mostly right here at work. So I started on-the-job training right away. I’m a natch-rull: I can tell frenly humans from not-nice ones. When a cus-tummer comes in, I give ’em my Welcome Woofs. But, if there was ever a Bad Guy, I would use my Other, Fuh-ROE-shuss Woof! So far, all the humans have been nice. I notice that pretty kites an flags make humans happy. PLUS, the cuss-tummers are always givin’ me Treats. That’s a Perk of the Job! An Dad has a sign store right next door, so I do my rounds in both places.”
Just then, a man walked in. Vader jumped up, grabbed his ball, and brought it to the man.
“This is my co-worker, Walter,” he said.
Vader an Walter enjoyed a brief game of Fetch, after which Vader an his ball had a quick roll on the carpet.
“Are you an Only Pet?”
“I have a step-sister. She never comes to work. She’s fine stayin’ home all day. I think that’s cuz she’s a cat. Her name’s Maggie-the-Cat. She’s got short black-an-white fur in a kinda cow pattern. I sometimes call her ‘Cow-cat.’ But she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. We get along OK as long as everybody remembers she’s Boss.”
“Do you swim?”
“I’m sorta tryin’ to learn, but I’d rather just float on my body board. I do enjoy rollin’ in the sand. I wouldn’t mind goin’ in the water so much if it just wasn’t so – WET.
“Mom gives me special food with meat an vege-tubbles, made by a lady called Rachel. An occasionally (he lowered his voice) some People Food accidently falls off Dad’s plate. Then that rule applies.”
“Which rule was that?”
“You know, the one that states once People Food hits the floor, it’s officially considered Fair Game. Dad knows the rule. But don’t tell Mom, OK?”
“Oh, THAT rule. My lips are sealed.”
“I also get the teensiest bit spoiled whenever Mom an Dad go elsewhere an I can’t go with ’em. Then I stay with Gramma Annette an Grampa Robert. Dog, are they ever FUN. An, of course, what happens at Gramma an Grampa’s STAYS at Gramma an Grampa’s.”
“Word,” I said.
Heading home, I was wonderin’ whether my Gramma an Grampa know about the Fair Game rule.
Till next time,
The Bonz
