This week’s innerview was with a super frenly, super slurpy pupster, Bowery Suriale, who’s a chocolate Frenchton. I know. I hadn’t heard of that either. It’s a French Bulldog an Boston Terrier mix, an Bowery was one sharp lookin’ pupperoo. Middle-sized an sturdy; sailboat ears; short, shiny fur; white front sox an bib; and the coolest white Harry Potter lightning bolt from forehead to nose.
Before his Dad even got the door all the way open, Bowery wagged himself right up for the Wag-an-Sniff (an Slurp).
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bowery.”
“Thanks, Mr. Bonzo. It’s real exciting to be innerviewed. I got innerviewed up in New York once when I was a puppy. That made me kinda nervous. But this is gonna be fun. This is my Dad, Brandon. My Mom Veronique’s at work. She teaches yogurt. We just moved here from New York City. It sure is different.”
“You’ll hafta tell me more about livin’ in New York,” I said. “But first off, how’d you an your Mom an Dad get together?”
Bowery ran over an started licking my assistant, who thought it was adorable. Then he ran back. “Oops. Sorry. I just love humans. And fellow dogs. I always wanna give ’em frenly liddle licks. Dad says I should go to Lickers Anonymous. So anyway, buh-leeve it or not, Dad had NEVER had a dog!”
“No Woof!” I said, incredulous.
“No Woof! So he an Mom decided it was About Time. They didn’t wanna get a pet shop pooch, so they did a buncha research an found this couple that had to find another home for their puppy – ME – after they’d had me for just a week. I was 10 weeks old and only 7 pounds, so you can imagine how cute an cuddly I was.”
By that time Bowery was back licking my assistant. “So, why did they want to get rid of you?”
“They didn’t WANT to, but they HAD to cuzza ROOLS where they were livin.’ Dad says they were real sad. So Dad an Mom went over to their place, just to look. Dad said, ‘We’re NOT coming home with a dog!’ Well, bein’ the frenly puppy that I was, I just curled up in Mom’s lap an fell asleep. So Dad an Mom went out in the hallway an pretended to talk it over, but they already knew they weren’t leavin’ without me. Since they hadn’t planned to ackshully get a dog that day, they hadda use PayPal, whatever that is.
“So, that was three years ago. I loved bein’ a New York pooch. Dad’s a moozishun an I thought it’d be Cool Kibbles to be in show biz, too. So I got an agent an tried out for some stuff. I was a finalist for the title role of The Dog in a Broadway show called ‘Sylvia.’ The theater humans took our pickshurs, an us finalists got to meet the human actors. I was a liddle nervous, but mostly excited. I nailed the audition, and my pickshur was in that Broadway book, ‘Playbill.’ But they chose a pooch who was a blonde. Typical. I also did some modelin,’ an I was up for a gig with Amazon. But I didn’t get it.”
“Well,” I sympathized. “That’s show biz.”
“Yeah. I’m hoping to maybe get some modelin’ gigs or a commercial down here. I’m in Mom’s yogurt videos. An Mom an Dad’s catalog. You know, Mr. Bonzo, I think they should call it something else. It doesn’t have anything to do with cats. How ’bout dog-a-log. Whadda you think?”
“Works for me,” I agreed.
“Oh, an guess what? Dad named his promotion business after me. I’m the MAS-cot! It’s called All Ears, cuzza my great big, pointy ears.”
“That is Super Crispy Dog Biscuits, Bowery!”
“When I was a puppy, I couldn’t keep both my ears up at the same time. They’d keep floppin’ over. So I looked sorta lop-sided. Thank Lassie I finally got it figured out.”
“They look great now,” I said. “Do you miss the Big City?”
“Sometimes. I liked the park a lot, an I had lotsa pooch frens. It’s amazin’ how many frens you can make on Around-the-Block Potty Walks. I ’specially liked the cool weather, cuz I love wearin’ clothes!”
“Seriously?”
“I’m not Woofin’! I have more clothes than Dad. There’s my Superman hoodie. An my cozy green trench coat. There were these cool boots to match, but they didn’t have my size.”
“Bummer,” I mumbled.
“An I have a buncha swedders. I always put my paw up so Dad can help me with the sleeves. Down here, I don’t need clothes so much. An one thing I LOVE here we didn’t have in New York … A YARD. I have a big fenced yard an I can run and play and chase geckos till I fall over in a heap! It’s GREAT! Me an Dad do guy things, like wrestling.’ Me an Mom mostly just snuggle or snooze in the hammock.”
“Do you swim? There’s lotsa pools. And the ocean.”
“We Frenchies don’t swim.” he said firmly. “We sink.”
“Oh. So what’s your sleepin’ an mealtime routine?”
“I have a sensitive tummy, so I don’t eat meat or People Food. (Except when Dad accidently slips me something.) I get lotsa other nutritious stuff. An carrots for treats. I sit politely in front of my dish an wait ’til Mom or Dad says OK. (That was kinda hard to learn.) When Mom goes to bed I snooze at the foot. Then Dad comes in an says ‘OK, Buddy,’ an I get into my cozy crate, with the door open. I’m a happy pooch, Mr. Bonzo!”
Heading home, I was smiling,’ thinkin’ about sturdy, joyful liddle Bowery, with the lights of 42nd Street in his eyes, wearin’ his Superman hoodie. I love my job.
Till next time,
The Bonz
