No parent should bury a child. It is not in the normal order of things. Whether it’s from a lengthy illness or a sudden accident or overdose, the death of a child is a life-changing event that reverberates throughout the family forever.
For some families, making any sense of the loss means helping others. That’s how I came to know Sharon Schwabenbauer of Lauderhill, Florida. Her son, Josh, a firefighter and paramedic, died in a boating accident on Sept. 7, 2012. An ardent advocate of organ donation, Josh’s liver, kidneys and heart changed the lives of four people.
On July 15, the Schwabenbauers met Adelia Harris, the 24-year-old South Carolina woman who received Josh’s heart. She traveled to St. Lucie County and the group met at the St. Lucie County Tax Collector’s Office, which raised more than $13,000 in April in support of Donate Life Florida. That organization’s goal is to motivate Floridians to register as organ, tissue and eye donors.
For Sharon Schwabenbauer, telling her son’s story and encouraging organ donation honors his life and keeps him close.
Joshua David Schwabenbauer was born on Dec. 13, 1985.
“He had gorgeous blue eyes and smiled all the time,” Sharon said. “He was a delightful child. When my daughter, Dana, was born, he was 15 months old. She followed him all over. He was her world.”
Josh had a stuttering problem that didn’t hold him back, and in 10th grade he announced that he was going to be a firefighter. After graduation, he attended the fire academy and became a paramedic. He started his career in 2009.
“He always told people to be organ donors,” Sharon said. “He always was one, even before he became a firefighter. He drove the other firefighters nuts until everyone signed up. He traveled and tried anything. He was a diver, a lifeguard and was going to work for a SWAT team as a paramedic.”
Josh, who was Jewish, traveled with his sister and cousins to Israel and had a wonderful time.
“He was very into a belief in God,” Sharon said. “He always said when something was bothering him, he prayed to God and God came through. He wanted to go to Israel to study.”
On Labor Day weekend 2009, Josh, Dana and friends went out on another friend’s boat. Dana took a picture of Josh and the next thing anyone knew, his girlfriend was screaming and Josh was in the water. No one saw what happened. An off-duty firefighter saw him and pulled him out of the water. He was rushed to the hospital.
“I got a knock on the door,” Sharon said. “They said Josh was in a very bad accident. I went to the ER and they said it was not good. They took him to a trauma Hospital and he was re-examined. They called us in and said there was no hope, that he’d broken his neck and aspirated and drowned. They said he was brain dead. I’d love them to change that expression. He was an organ donor and the process started to find recipients.
“I could not believe it. He had so much going for him. There were over 1,000 people at his funeral. To this day, they honor him. Wherever we go, somebody knows my son. The firefighters made stickers of his badge and badge number. I made them and gave them to people. Wherever they travel, they leave one and send me the picture.”
Sharon has also met people who have become organ donors after learning about Josh. Sharon, who wasn’t an organ donor herself, signed up.
“Look at what he’s done,” she said. “Four people are living their lives because of the gift he gave them. I’m lucky he was able to donate.”
Sharon has met the liver recipient, but it was something special to meet Adelia Harris, the heart recipient.
“We had been texting, but when we met, she was the sweetest, warmest person. She was so appreciative. She said that this was not her donor family but her gift of life family. She said she would take good care of Josh as he has taken care of her. She reached out to Dana, who has been having a rough time. His heart was given to a person a lot like him.”
The first year after her son’s death, Sharon couldn’t speak about it. When she finally volunteered, they said she wasn’t ready.
“I was insulted,” she recalled. “Eight or none months later, they asked if I’d like to speak at Memorial Hospital where Josh was. I cried. People came up to me, including the nurse who was on duty when Josh was brought in. I wrote everyone’s names down. I wanted to send a picture of what he really looked like. The nurses said we made such an impact. I spoke somewhere else a year later. The nurse was there and she had seen his picture. She said he was gorgeous. He was known for his smile and his eyes sparkled.”
Sharon has been with the support group Healing Hearts, which has helped her. Still, the pain doesn’t go away and she worries about her daughter, who misses Josh and is trying to be both son and daughter.
“If I were told I’d be given two children and they’d live a long life, I’d rather go through what I went through and have the same children,” she said. “You never think your children will go first. When we met Adelia and listened to his heart, it was really hard to believe his heart was beating in someone else. Helping others helps me. He was compassionate. I know he’s probably saying, ‘Good for you, mom.’”
For more information on organ donation or to become a registered donor, visit www.donatelifeflorida.org.