It’d been a while since I had ventured into that ever-mysterious (to dogs) world of the Feline, so my paws were a little moist when me and my assistant knocked on Quinn Weiss’ door. A human lady answered and ushered us in.
I didn’t see any other animals, ’specially none that looked like a Maine Coon, which is what I had heard Quinn resembled. We settled in and I got my notebook out, repeating under my breath, “Nix the Wag-and-Sniff. Let her make the first move. Keep your woofs soft. If she arches her back, Step. Away. Slowly.”
One minute the human lady was sitting on the coach alone, and the next – there was this Really Fluffy, Super-Sized cat seated next to her, staring right at me. Possibly though me. Smiling.
I smiled back, taking care not to show any teeth. “Good morning, Miss Quinn, is it?”
“Is my great pleasure, Bonzo. May I call you Bonzo? You’ll have to forgive. I speak not too much Dog. Please you to meet my Mommy Margie and my Mommy Dave.”
“Er. Your, um, Mommy Margie and Your Mommy Dave?” I said, thinking I musta missed an important memo.
“Yes. You see, all my humans I consider as mothers. We all do. Is a Cat Thing.”
“Ah, I see.” I ackshully didn’t. “Tell me how you came to find your Forever Family. In this life.”
Quinn did a couple of in-place circles, sat elegantly, and crossed her paws. She was very pretty: long silky, dark hair, a tabby pattern. An she had very good posture, like she was a member of that ancient Egyptian royal family: Bastet was the catriarch, as I recall.
In case you’re wondering, I know this cat stuff because I Googled back when I was preparing for my very first cat interview. Just sayin’.
I also noticed Quinn had those big, fluffy pantaloons in the back, which were especially impressive when she was walking away. Plus, her nice, dark-brownish coat matched the carpet. I wondered whether her Mommys had got it special.
“Well Bonzo, I was one of many, many tiny kittens, all living in an animal shelter in West Palm Beach, missing our cat Mommys an wishing for a forever home. My two future Mommys were shopping for a kitten, for keeping company with their other cat, Crystal. Thank Garfield, they pick me from the bunch, and take me to their home for the low low price of $25. Excep, when I am finish with my check-ups, it was more in the neighborhood of $200.
“There were other cats when I first arrive – Crystal, Dexter, an Wyatt – but they were already grown up an on their last few lives. So an Only Cat is what I now am. I just turn 10. I usta have an Elmo toy I always carried around. Fishing line toys are Totally Cat’s PJ’s, too. Back when I was real little, I fetched toys my mommy would throw, and I’d even bring them back, but I grew outta that.
“From my cedar chest window seat I studiously observe the ducks, herons, Sandhill cranes an squirrels down by the lake. Mommy Margie sewed me a Special Pillow to sit on during my studious observations. My Mommys call it The Queen Pillow. Frankly, Bonzo, I’m interested not so much in other cats these days. My Mommy says I’m Territorial.” Suddenly Quinn leaped up, causing me to jump back. “I just … wan t… everybody … to … Stay Outta My SPACE!” she hissed.
I regained my balance and started gathering my notebook and pencils up off the floor, trying to look nonchalant.
“Oh, many pardons, Mr. Bonzo. I got caught up in the moment.”
“No prob,” I gulped.
“Now I would like to tell you of a paw-matic experience I had that very much made me appreciate my Mommys, and my comfy home.”
“Sure! Go ahead,” I said, pencil poised.
“There was once this tomcat who would often walk across my backyard – My Turf. I’d watch him from my windowsill an become so mad because he was inFRINGing. I don’t know from where he came. I believe he was just wild. And scary-looking to me. My Mommys called him Cowcat because they say he looked like a Holstein cow. I have No Idea what that even means, but I continue meowing ferocious warnings and getting my back all up to chase him away. But it didn’t work.
“Cowcat pretended he didn’t see me, but I caught him glancing my way. One time he had NERVE to walk right up to the house to drink from the air conditioner. He was making me Catnip Nuts! This one day, I was up on the sill, same as always. But it felt different. THEN I realize why. The window is UP. I could even smell Cowcat through the screen. He spots me, too, and both our tails fluff up, we bow our backs and start yelling stuff back and forth that’d curdle your cream.
“Then Cowcat give this big howl and leap at the screen. Before I even think, I spring at him, the screen gives way and I fall right out the window and land on the grass, which I’d never, ever been on in my entire life. We both yowl, then Cowcat flies off across the street and I run under a bush, in total panic. I couldn’t move, couldn’t make a sound, even when my Mommys started calling me. At last I managed a few tiny mews and finally I felt Mommy grab me and carry me to safety, thank Garfield!”
“Woof! Quinn, that’s some story. You should write it all down!” I told her.
“Someday, I’m gonna stand up to that big ol’ Poop Face!” she said with determination.
Heading home, I was thinking how every species has its own particular challenges, and learning about ’em seems like a good way to start understanding each other better, ya know?
