This week I yapped with Jaywok Mendelssohn, a Lhasa Apso-Poodle mix or, as the Official-Mixed-Breed-Name-Thinker-Uppers say, Lhasa-Poo, OR, as Jaywok himSELF says, “A Lhasa with a perm.”
Anyway, Jaywok woofmailed me in REFrence to a recent column I wrote about Buddha Rico. You might recall, Buddha’s a rescue mix, so he doesn’t know about his official Pooch Past. But the minute Jaywok saw Buddha’s pikshur, he thought he was lookin’ atta pikshur of himSELF. He wrote, “When I see it, I say to myself, ‘HEY, I tink dat looks jus like ME.’ I thought you would like to know dat. I tink you will see the rezemblence.” When I saw his pikshur, I totally agreed.
Jaywok was super frenly, came right up for the Wag-and-Sniff. He was wearin’ a dashing green bow tie with white polkadots. “Please come right in, Mr. Bonzo. Dese are my Mommy and Daddy, Marilyn and Howard. We read your artikles in the paper every time. We like dem.”
“Thank you, Jaywok. It’s a pleasure. I understand you’re Canadian.”
“Dat’s right. I’m a Canuck Snowbirddog. You can call me Jay. I will tell you some tings about me. We’re from a small town in On-tarry-o called Orillia. We drive down here in da winter. Me an Mommy an Daddy have fun in da car, an we stay in nice hotels dat like dogs and give me cookies. Me an Mommy an Daddy have been togever my whole life almost. I’m 13 now. Before me, dey had I-wok an Jappy an Ginger (who came with the house dey bought). Iwok went to Dog Heaven when he was 20. Dat’s real old for a dog, ya know. Jappy was berry sad an gloomy so Mommy and Daddy went to the Mall where there was a pet store. Right in de front window was a puppy (guess who). Mommy started cryin’ cuz of tinkin’ of Iwok. So Daddy went in an asked the pet store human, ‘How much is that doggy in the window?’”
“Are you woofin’ me, right now?” I hadda ask.
“Dat’s what he said, Gander’s Honor! So Mommy an Daddy brought me home an showered me with love. An snacks. Jappy an Ginger were so nice to me, even though I was probly a pain-in-da-tail back then. Dey were way older den me. I still miss ’em. Now I’m a Daddy’s Dog. We go everywhere to-gever.
“I’m always very polite. An I speak three languages: Dog, of course, French an English.”
“That is Totally Cool Dog Biscuits,” I told him. “That must come in handy when you travel.”
“It does. Me an Mommy an Daddy are always havin’ adVENchures. I love cars. An hotels. I jump from bed to bed to check em out. We’ve been to North CaroIina, Buffalo, Niagara Falls, an dis huge buncha water called Georgian Bay, up in On-tarry-o. I specially like Biloxi. We always stay at LaQuintas cuz dey are super pet-frenly. AN dey have dese delicious ben-yays. An, guess what? I went to Harvard.”
“’Scuse me,” I said. “You’re Ivy League?”
“Well. Ackhully, I visited one day with Mommy and Daddy. Didn’t see any ivy, though.
“Whatever our adVENchure is, it’s the best fun, cuz Mommy, Daddy an me are togever.
“I have a special squeaky toy for da car, an one for On-tarry-o, an one for down here. My very favorite’s a purple crinkly cow with a pink udder an nose. I keep it on da bed, I’ll show you, OK?”
He zipped off and returned with his crinkly purple cow. “Woof, that sure is a purple cow,” I commented cleverly.
“Oh, Mr. Bonzo,” he said behind his paw, leaning forward. “See dat crate over by de door? I don like it AT ALL. I’m tryin’ to get rid of it. I sent group woofmails about it, had it on EBay, even tried to give it away. Don tell Mommy an Daddy, tho. THEY tink we still need it for when dey aren’t home. You wouldn’t be interested, by any chance?”
“No, sorry. I’ll keep my ears open, though,” I told him. “I bet you have a pooch pals.”
“I have lotsa friends here: Dere’s Watson, my Bon Ami. He’s a 3-pound Yorkie who tinks he’s 6’3”. An Selby, Bailey, Jake an Chico. We meet on our walks and yap about all kinda stuff. We also keep in touch using woofmail, of course.
“My job is to protect Mommy and Daddy, an supervise, help Daddy make good duhsicions (he’s a financial analyist), dat kinda ting. I was a Big Help to Mommy when Daddy was Very Sick. I’d always know whether Mommy an Daddy were happy or gloomy or tired, an I knew what to do.
“Oh, an one more ting, Mr. Bonzo. Mommy usta be a high school principal and, to chillax, she did ceramics. She still does and, look, she made this for us pooches, me and Iwok and Ginger and Jappy. It’s very special.”
It was a big, pretty plate with colorful pikshures an all four pooch names. It was pawsome, I told Jay.
Then I asked about his diet, cuz he’s in real good shape, specially for an older poocheroo.
“I am very punctual,” he said. “We dine at 6 pm. Not 5:59. Not 6:01. An, if I haff to, I do eat dog food, as a last resort. I even got my own invitation to Mommy’s an Daddy’s friends’ dinner party.”
As we were leaving, Jay called after me, “Keep writing dose columns. Dey are great.” That made me feel happy.
Heading home, I was thinkin’ how spiffy Jaywok looked in his green and white polka dot tie. Maybe, when I explore the possibility of getting some beignets in the house (I love bread!), I’ll also check out bow ties. I think I’d look pretty stylish in red and white polka dots.
Till next time,
The Bonz