This week I yapped with a real, Honest-to-Snoopy ranch dog, Uber Richter. He was in town visiting his Best Friend in the World, Max Shepherd, whom I had previously met. Uber and Max had been BFFs out in Colorado for 7 people years, ever since Uber was a fluffball puppy. Then Max hadda move to Florida. And they hadn’t seen each other in 2 whole people years. And THEN, Uber and his Mom and Dad came to visit Max and his Mom and Dad, Gail and Dan, for Thanksgiving, and they hadda re-YOON-yun.
Uber was right there at the door for the Wag-and-Sniff, friendly as anything. “Howdy! You must be The Bonz! Max told me all about ya! Proud to make yer acquaintance! Come’on in. Auntie Gail’s in the kitchen. This here’s my Mom and Dad, Margie and David.”
Then he hollered, “Hey, Max! Git yore fluffy caboose on out here. The Bonz is here!”
Uber’s a Mini-Wirehaired Dachshund: black, nice long sniffer, a beard, a kinda wild topknot, and fluffy eyebrows! He says they remind his Mom and Dad of Andy Rooney, a human who usta talk on TV, and had bushy eyebrows. (I Googled.) He also shared that his Mom had once dyed his topknot purple.
As we were getting settled, Max strolled in. He nose-bumped Uber and turned to me. “Good to see you again, young fella,” he said, then stretched out on the floor.
Did I mention, Max is a cat.
“Back atcha, Max. You’re lookin’ good!” I replied. “So Uber, tell me about yourself. Where are you from, originally?”
“Well, my ancestors were from Germany, but ah’m a Texas native. Mom and Dad had a ranch in Colorado and they were thinkin’ about getting’ a big ol’ dog who could handle ranch life, ‘specially all the critters you run into.”
“Er, what kinda critters?”
“Well, there’s the cows, of course. And the horses. Then ya got yer coyotes, yer bears, yer mountain lions. And the snakes, yep, lotsa snakes out there.”
“Woof!” I exclaimed. “I guess I pictured a ranch dog as, sorta, well, I mean not so … er … ”
“Small, right? I git that lot. I may not be big, son, but I got Guts! And Heart! Plus, ah’m Big-Boned. Mom and Dad had a friend with a Doxie like me and just fell in love with the breed. So they ordered one! And got ME! Straight from the Lone Star State! Take about yer luck! I loved ranch life right away. My favorite thing back at the ranch was the Cat Round-Up.”
“Beg pardon?”
“There wuz a whole mob o’ cats on the ranch: Minnie and Whiskers, Mazzie and Scooter, they were hard workin’ ranch cats, kept the critters away. Yessir, every night, 10 p.m. sharp, I’d round up all them cats, herd ‘em into the garage, where they slept. They got used to it. They’d start wanderin’ in around 9:30 and sit in a row just lookin’ at me. Then, at 10, it was Cat Round-Up! Good times.
“Since ah’m a hound an all, when I catch a good scent I just, pretty much, GO! Once me an Dad were on this looong ranch road when I caught a scent, and off I went, followin’ the ol’ sniffer, about 160 yards into the sagebrush. Turned out to be this deceased critter. Dog, Dad was impressed. But he hadda watch me real close cuz, once us hounds pick up a scent, we git to concentratin’ and can git in Big Trouble.”
“I’ll bet! How did you and Max meet?”
“My folks and his folks were friends in Colorado so we met when I was just a young’n. Max is a good bit older’n me, and he kinda took me under his paw. We hit it off right away. He taught me a lot. But now we live in New Mexico, so I’m indoors a lot more, no wide-open spaces, no cats to herd.”
“Bummer,” I sympathized. “So what was it like, you and Max seeing each other after 14 (dog) years?”
“It was like we’d never been apart. We nose-bumped, ran all over the place. Chased geckos! We share our food and water dishes, nap together. We go out on the lanai every morning and hang out. Sometimes Auntie Gail chases me around the house. That’s a-hoop-and-a-holler. And yesterday, Max took me to the ocean. I’d never set eyes on it before. Dog that is one big dish o’ water. I’ve been swimmin’ before, but THAT water stayed put. THIS water chased me! No woof! Those little ol’ birds were fun though. And I met this nice little Havanese.”
“Sounds like you travel a lot.”
“Bet yer boots! I got this super tricked-out stroller. I go where Mom and Dad go. If I can’t go, they don’t go. We’ve been all over the West: the Grand Canyon, the national parks, Santa Fe, Sedona. Vegas is one of my favorites. I mean (all due respect), have you SEEN the legs on those showdogs! The Wynn, Caesars Palace, the Bellagio, it’s real dog friendly out there. Me and Mom love gamblin’, cuz I’m one lucky dog! I specially enjoy blackjack, know all the dealers and pit bosses.
“We sure do have a heap o’ fun, but,” he paused, “there was this time when Mom got cancer, and went through some real serious, scary stuff. Well, Bonz, I did every pooch thing I could think of to help her, mostly just being right there with her. She’s much better now. I think that was probly the most important thing I ever did, ya know?”
“I do know,” I told him sincerely, thinking about my own Mom. Then it was time to go.
“I could listen to your stories all day, Uber! Thanks so much! Have a pawsome Thanksgiving! Take it easy, Max,” I added.
Heading home, I was smiling, picturing Uber and the nightly Cat Round-Up.
Till next time,
The Bonz
